Putting Yourself First

[wingsfree]

Just got back from a meeting, last time was about a year ago, so it was real hard walking in again, I never gave it enough time that last time I went, got to sure of myself.

I've been really emotional since I got hurt, and figured I would never ever drink again, shows how much I know. Walking through those doors feeling that way made it hard for me to speak, but I did with so much encouragement from the gang there, I started to cry, oh darn I hate that, grrrrr, and wasn't going to talk anymore, but they got me to. I told them what's going on with my family, their feelings on it....funny how it's sooooo hard for some of us to put ourselves first, I honestly think I don't have that in me to do.

After the meeting one of the men who was celebrating 6 years tonight, I thought that was so great, he came and talked to me, told me not to worry about my family, just do what I need to do, and I'll be surprised what they learn from me, so I felt a lot better after he talked to me, a couple others had some good comments also....was a pretty good meeting.

Gets home hubby calls from work, asked where I had been, I told him I was at a meeting which I mentioned to him before.....so his voice changes and he says to me.....SO YOU GOT SAVED DID YOU?....I felt myself sink, felt so bad, still do. I told him I need to be there, I can't drink anymore. Felt like the rug got pulled from under my feet again. I'm so happy that man came and talked to me, he's right with what he said, I need all the strength I can muster with this, real scared the truth be told, I don't want to drink anymore. Going to another meeting tomorrow night, feeling not so good about it, I know once I'm there it will be better, three people are celebrating there years of sobriety, I'm so happy I can be there to congratulate them.

Thanks for listening to me, just a vent here, no need to reply, maybe this might help someone else who may be having probs with family members on this issue.

[Dan]

Aw Denise...
Stay the course.
You also need to let go of hubby's a$$hole attitude.
This is about you, and the rest of your life.
Nothing else.

[mackat]

heh Denise
I cannot imagine doing recovery 'against the current' - i can tell you that some of my past friends who were unaware of my AA/NA work were astonished by the changes they saw in me within a couple years. "whatever it is you are doing" they would tell me ,"you need to keep doing it"

So the proof , like Dan sez, is in my life- and i am the only one who is going to live my life- no dress rehersals as they say, so i had best get right down to it.
take care.
mackat

[Don W]

Hey Denise, That was a brave thing you did. As far as the comment from your husband. Although difficult let it go. I don't know the history but, my wife said some mean things to me when I returned to AA after a slip. Sometimes loved ones will put so much hope in you going to AA, that they will blame AA for it not working. Until they see a change they'll protect there hopes getting washed away by being hurtful. Of course, you need to judge which is the case. What I suggested or he's a jerk.
There are also some cases loved ones don't want you to get better because they lose control. The thought of us all of a sudden wanting to be part of the decision making scares them. You must think of you a stay the course. Not, everybody stays together in recovery but, you don't need to let someone punish you for having an illness. I would explain to him that you need support and encouragement in recovery.
If he can't do that atleast don't be hurtfull and discouraging. We are here to support and help you. Don W

[CAPTAINZING2000]

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))


(((((((((((((((DENISE)))))))))))








There's A Saying Where I Come From

{if Mama Ain't Happy Ain't Nobody Happy}


You Got To Do What You Have To Do To Keep Your Sanity And Serenity.

To Do This, I've Found Out And Most Of Us With A Little Time In The Program Will Tell You Is To Get Sober.

None Of Us Came In Here After Winnningggggggg The Lottery Jackpot

We Came Into This Because Our Lives Were A ((((mess))))

My Life Was At The Bottom Of A Pit B 4 Aa

Ty 4 Reminding Me Y I'm In Aa

It's Simple U Use U Lose

Welcome Home Hon



Chris

[Chy]

Your a very brave girl and I'm so very proud of you and your courage. Let no one, thing or anywords stand in the way of achieving your goal Denise. Continue to rely on the fellowship for support, they'll be your saving grace in dealing with hurtful words.

[CarolD]

Hurrah for you!!

Saved? Yep! I saved myself from insanity and death,

Try treating the jerk like a king. That and a red teddie worked great for me.


Carry on, you can recover!!

[wingsfree]

Thanks everyone....oh I knew this was the place to come and vent, didn't have anyone else to talk to....well I did, he's 8lbs and a little fur ball, who got majorly hugged last night, and he understands fully, I know he doesn't like me drinking, I've seen it in his eyes, odd isn't that? I made a promise to him the night I got burnt, the poor little mite was pretty upset with the turn of events that night, and I promised never to scare him again, which I ended up breaking....yeah I know he's just a dog...but hey they seem to know what some of us humans need more then we do. I will work harder on my promise to him.....as far as that man goes that I'm married to, I made a promise to myself last night, not to let him get to me anymore, I can't drink bottom line...I told him when I was going back to meetings, he can drink all he wants, I don't care, so what the heck is the problem...what is he so afraid of (control) blah to that. Is he embarrassed his wife is going to meetings with a bunch of drunks?...well imagine that, just imagine.

Yep Dan it is my life, so high time I took control of it.

Chris that saying aplys here also.....mama hasn't been happy a longggggggg time, she's gonna work hard on changing that...glad it's spring and getting warmer, the park bench won't be so hard to sleep on, lol.

Carol you have me laughing @ red teddie......in his dreams I say..and the King part, nope high time he stepped down from his thrown and let the Queen sit up there...hey gang waving at you, this isn't so bad.

Mac good to see you again, haven't seen you around in some time.

Don....Chy....funny I don't feel so brave..last night at the meeting I swear I was stiff as a board, yowza, took me some time to calm down last night. Anyway today is a new day, it's sunny out, all is good.

One more thing about last nights meeting, I really like listening to what the gang had to say....one man put tears in my eyes, the reality of this, people he's known who have died, put a gun to their mouths (that brought up a bad memory for me) some hung themselves..a good friend of his went out one winter night, froze to death in his drunken state. He looked me straight in the eye and he said he understood how hard this would be, especially being a female trying to keep the family happy.

Anyway nothing pretty about this sickness is there, so tired of it, so tired of fighting it for so longgggggg.....so back to a meeting tonight, I love the sound of the fellowship, it's a good word.

[In memory of miracle]

Denise - I am so glad you are going to meetings.Proud of you ! Keep the faith, put your blinders on and keep the focus on your recovery ! Bless, Trish

[Cathy31]

Denise
That's so awesome, well done. I know it must be really hard to do it against the current as they say - but your husband might just come around. I found in my experience, sometimes they are just a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. Just stick with it, you CAN do it. You never have to at least be hurt - mentally OR physically - by your own hand again - who can say how others might behave. But it won't be YOU doing the hurting, that's a great feeling isn't it. You're special and you deserve to utilise all the support that is available both here and in AA meetings. I had such a great meeting yesterday too - first one in a week - reminded me again of what a gift it is to us.
Good luck,
Cathy31
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