desperate daughter looking for help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: DOWNEY, CA
Posts: 3
desperate daughter looking for help
I am posting in more than one forum, in hopes of getting help. My mother is an alcoholic and has been in and out of rehab for over 10 years. She has had some really low points- DUI, Physical abuse, Mixing pills, etc, etc.
She is now trying to make the change. She went through detox, but cannot find a sober living home. She works all day for the family business, and by the time she gets home in the evening she begins to drink. her weakness is evenings.
We live in the Downey, ca area and cannot find reasonably priced help.
please advise.
She is now trying to make the change. She went through detox, but cannot find a sober living home. She works all day for the family business, and by the time she gets home in the evening she begins to drink. her weakness is evenings.
We live in the Downey, ca area and cannot find reasonably priced help.
please advise.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Olympia, WA
Posts: 180
Alanon & Alateen
Hi "Despy",
Do you watch Joan of Arcadia? There's a blonde girl on there, I get the names all confused, who is now the girl friend of Joan's younger brother. Her mother is an alcoholic and a turning point in the young girl's life occurred a few weeks back when she was willing to start going to Alateen meetings. If there are no Alateen meetings in your area, then I would suggest you make some Alanon meetings, and find out how to get hold of some Alateen literature so that you won't feel so isolated with your problem. No-one, Despy, no human being, without the use of physical incarceration, can stop an alcoholic from continuing to drink. Usually, the alcoholic herself/himself can't stop themselves from drinking either. Help is needed. A program for living which changes ones thinking concerning what is important in being alive is needed. There are a number of different types of support groups that offer help to the suffering alcoholic, and I suspect your mother has been introduced to just about all of them. In my opinion, none of them work until the alcoholic herself/himself gets to the point in that downhill spiral of out of control drinking when the pain of the shape they are in, physically, mentally, and spiritually becomes so great that no amount of drinking can give the alcoholic solace from that built-up pain. For the alcoholic, it's called, "hitting one's bottom."
I suspect that you mother has attended some AA meetings in the past, I don't know if it would do any good at all, Despy, but you might point out to your mom that perhaps the reason AA didn't work for her at that time was because she hadn't hit her bottom yet and was not willing to 'go to any lengths in order to get sober and stay sober.' Across my years in AA, Despy, I have known alcoholics who spent years in and out of the program trying and failing, trying and failing, until finally, they were willing to say to themselves, something like this:
I give up! My way of getting through life is no longer working! Those AA people who surrendered completely to their Twelve Step program are staying sober and seem to be reasonably happy doing so. I think I'm ready to finally go to any lengths to stay away from that first drink, and do whatever they suggest I do in order to make use of their fellowship for the support I need.
Just remember, Despy, you can't keep your mother sober, and you can't do anything to get her drunk. She is an alcoholic, and here drinking is not your problem, it is hers. Naturally, as a dependent (if you still are one) her drinking affects your life. That is why you need to look into Alanon and Alateen. There is tremendous support for you there, and new ways of looking at your problem so that your mom can't use guilt against you for not "measuring up to what she thinks you ought to be," and will afford you a place to turn where there is a roomful of unconditional love and people with earnest desires to help you feel better about being alive. Please, Despy, even if you've tried the programs before, try this: fall on your knees by your bed, whether you are a believer or non believer in religion, and pray, 'God, if you're there, I need your help. Please guide me to the place where I can learn how to deal with my mothers drinking problem, while at the same time learning how to feel good about being alive and about who I am."
Things will start happening, Despy. All you will need to do is maintain attitudes of self-honesty, open-mindedness, and a willingness to change old, unworkable ideas concerning what is important in being alive to new ideas that work.
Blessings to you from my heart to yours, 'one of'
Do you watch Joan of Arcadia? There's a blonde girl on there, I get the names all confused, who is now the girl friend of Joan's younger brother. Her mother is an alcoholic and a turning point in the young girl's life occurred a few weeks back when she was willing to start going to Alateen meetings. If there are no Alateen meetings in your area, then I would suggest you make some Alanon meetings, and find out how to get hold of some Alateen literature so that you won't feel so isolated with your problem. No-one, Despy, no human being, without the use of physical incarceration, can stop an alcoholic from continuing to drink. Usually, the alcoholic herself/himself can't stop themselves from drinking either. Help is needed. A program for living which changes ones thinking concerning what is important in being alive is needed. There are a number of different types of support groups that offer help to the suffering alcoholic, and I suspect your mother has been introduced to just about all of them. In my opinion, none of them work until the alcoholic herself/himself gets to the point in that downhill spiral of out of control drinking when the pain of the shape they are in, physically, mentally, and spiritually becomes so great that no amount of drinking can give the alcoholic solace from that built-up pain. For the alcoholic, it's called, "hitting one's bottom."
I suspect that you mother has attended some AA meetings in the past, I don't know if it would do any good at all, Despy, but you might point out to your mom that perhaps the reason AA didn't work for her at that time was because she hadn't hit her bottom yet and was not willing to 'go to any lengths in order to get sober and stay sober.' Across my years in AA, Despy, I have known alcoholics who spent years in and out of the program trying and failing, trying and failing, until finally, they were willing to say to themselves, something like this:
I give up! My way of getting through life is no longer working! Those AA people who surrendered completely to their Twelve Step program are staying sober and seem to be reasonably happy doing so. I think I'm ready to finally go to any lengths to stay away from that first drink, and do whatever they suggest I do in order to make use of their fellowship for the support I need.
Just remember, Despy, you can't keep your mother sober, and you can't do anything to get her drunk. She is an alcoholic, and here drinking is not your problem, it is hers. Naturally, as a dependent (if you still are one) her drinking affects your life. That is why you need to look into Alanon and Alateen. There is tremendous support for you there, and new ways of looking at your problem so that your mom can't use guilt against you for not "measuring up to what she thinks you ought to be," and will afford you a place to turn where there is a roomful of unconditional love and people with earnest desires to help you feel better about being alive. Please, Despy, even if you've tried the programs before, try this: fall on your knees by your bed, whether you are a believer or non believer in religion, and pray, 'God, if you're there, I need your help. Please guide me to the place where I can learn how to deal with my mothers drinking problem, while at the same time learning how to feel good about being alive and about who I am."
Things will start happening, Despy. All you will need to do is maintain attitudes of self-honesty, open-mindedness, and a willingness to change old, unworkable ideas concerning what is important in being alive to new ideas that work.
Blessings to you from my heart to yours, 'one of'
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Location: Zion, Illinois
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Originally Posted by despdaughter
I am posting in more than one forum, in hopes of getting help. My mother is an alcoholic and has been in and out of rehab for over 10 years. She has had some really low points- DUI, Physical abuse, Mixing pills, etc, etc.
She is now trying to make the change. She went through detox, but cannot find a sober living home. She works all day for the family business, and by the time she gets home in the evening she begins to drink. her weakness is evenings.
We live in the Downey, ca area and cannot find reasonably priced help.
please advise.
She is now trying to make the change. She went through detox, but cannot find a sober living home. She works all day for the family business, and by the time she gets home in the evening she begins to drink. her weakness is evenings.
We live in the Downey, ca area and cannot find reasonably priced help.
please advise.
Don't know much about you but I can tell you that your mom's weakness isn't evenings.....she doesn't want to stop drinking yet.
I second looking into Al-anon, and also suggest that you move out if you're able. Watching your mom go down is no place for you, plus if you move out and present it in the proper way, you might just give her a push toward her bottom.
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