What gripes your behind about AA meetings?
It`s ok to stay sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
What gripes your behind about AA meetings?
every Saturday night I go to a small discussion meeting.
Tonight the crowd was small,5 people.No one seemed to be able to throw a topic out there,so in fun,I said
What gripes your a@# about AA?
They jumped on it and it turned out to be a good meeting.Never have I sat in A f2f AA meeting with that topic.and eventually we saw resentment was under our gripes.Then we saw the usual,if only they would do as we would have them,then it would be ok.
Then it shifted to taking our gripes and put the harms we have done on our step 8 and 9.We seemed to have grown from the experience.
whats your gripe(s)?
Tonight the crowd was small,5 people.No one seemed to be able to throw a topic out there,so in fun,I said
What gripes your a@# about AA?
They jumped on it and it turned out to be a good meeting.Never have I sat in A f2f AA meeting with that topic.and eventually we saw resentment was under our gripes.Then we saw the usual,if only they would do as we would have them,then it would be ok.
Then it shifted to taking our gripes and put the harms we have done on our step 8 and 9.We seemed to have grown from the experience.
whats your gripe(s)?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
#1 members who when sharing go on and on. (Which is why I like meetings that use a timer.)
#2 members who regularly play the victim or the poor me card.
#3 members whose shares often have nothing to do with the topic or recovery in general. (It's an AA meeting not group therapy.)
#2 members who regularly play the victim or the poor me card.
#3 members whose shares often have nothing to do with the topic or recovery in general. (It's an AA meeting not group therapy.)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
People who stay behind to socialise, week after week, who are happy with life- standing next to dishes that need washing, chairs.....and then explain they cannot help because they are in a hurry.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
I choose not to attend meetings daily, so when I do go, I have no real gripes!
(The last meeting I attended, I started to talk about how I don't like meetings.....which is true, but I attend them if I know my motives for attending)
(The last meeting I attended, I started to talk about how I don't like meetings.....which is true, but I attend them if I know my motives for attending)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
I like meetings, but there are a handful of ppl that go that tend to really go on and on when they share. Often times they say a lot of the same stuff over and over. Even tho it bugs me a little, I try to put it in perspective and use it as a way to practice patience. Love and tolerance toward all comes into play here for me, cuz I have to force myself. But in the end I know it's good for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Originally Posted by BlownOne 
I like meetings, but there are a handful of ppl that go that tend to really go on and on when they share. Often times they say a lot of the same stuff over and over. Even tho it bugs me a little, I try to put it in perspective and use it as a way to practice patience. Love and tolerance toward all comes into play here for me, cuz I have to force myself. But in the end I know it's good for me.
I go to a lot of meetings and see all kinds crazy stuff. There are a few members that really test my tolerance. It's a great reminder that I need to keep my side of the street clean and quit taking other members inventory..
I'll keep coming back!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by Ken33xx
#1 members who when sharing go on and on. (Which is why I like meetings that use a timer.)
#2 members who regularly play the victim or the poor me card.
#3 members whose shares often have nothing to do with the topic or recovery in general. (It's an AA meeting not group therapy.)
#2 members who regularly play the victim or the poor me card.
#3 members whose shares often have nothing to do with the topic or recovery in general. (It's an AA meeting not group therapy.)
I have never been to a meeting which utilizes a timer - what a great idea.
Sign me up.
All in all, though, I don't have many gripes about AA.
I find it rather amusing when I see people texting and surfing the internet during meetings, but it's their sobriety - not mine.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
What bugs me about AA meetings...
What bugs me about the grocery store...
What bugs me about co-workers...
What bugs me about other drivers...
I've found that any time I'm around other humans there's going to be at least one (usually more) that bug me...and I'm sure it's a reciprocal thing.
But as far as meetings I'd have to say it's shares that go on forever (can't figure out how to summarize their point) and/or shares that go way off topic.
What bugs me about the grocery store...
What bugs me about co-workers...
What bugs me about other drivers...
I've found that any time I'm around other humans there's going to be at least one (usually more) that bug me...and I'm sure it's a reciprocal thing.
But as far as meetings I'd have to say it's shares that go on forever (can't figure out how to summarize their point) and/or shares that go way off topic.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by BlownOne
I like meetings, but there are a handful of ppl that go that tend to really go on and on when they share. Often times they say a lot of the same stuff over and over. Even tho it bugs me a little, I try to put it in perspective and use it as a way to practice patience. Love and tolerance toward all comes into play here for me, cuz I have to force myself. But in the end I know it's good for me.
I'll get some coffee or check my cell phone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
and btw- it is okay to dis individual people, in a closed place and not project. We all do it- to a co worker, the weird guy on the bus, the stupid behaviour on reality TV...
Ourselves..some of the biggest bitching I have done- to laugh about and thus cleanse..is about myself.
Ourselves..some of the biggest bitching I have done- to laugh about and thus cleanse..is about myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
While I know my way around the BB and some of the other older literature, I'm not much on BB quotes but all that said I'm going to quote the literature here. At least for me this Dr. Bob editorial from 1944 makes a point regarding what annoys me about other people's behavior at AA meetings. I will say that as time has passed it seems I'm headed in the direction suggested by Dr. Bob so today I find fewer people/things/behaviors that bother me at AA meetings than say a year ago. I hope you find this as helpful as I did.
During nine years in AA, I have observed that those who follow the Alcoholics Anonymous program with the greatest earnestness and zeal not only maintain sobriety but often acquire finer characteristics and attitudes as well. One of these is tolerance. Tolerance expresses itself in a variety of ways: in kindness and consideration toward the man or woman who is just beginning the march along the spiritual path; in the understanding of those who perhaps have been less fortunate in education advantages; and in sympathy toward those whose religious ideas may seem to be at great variance with our own.
I am reminded in this connection of the picture of a hub with its radiating spokes. We all start at the outer circumference and approach our destination by one of many routes. To say that one spoke is much better than all the other spokes is true only in the sense of its being best suited to you as an individual. Human nature is such that without some degree of tolerance, each one of us might be inclined to believe that we have found the best or perhaps the shortest spoke. Without some tolerance, we might tend to become a bit smug or superior - which, of course, is not helpful to the person we are trying to help and may be quite painful or obnoxious to others. No one of us wishes to do anything that might act as a deterrent to the advancement of another - and a patronizing attitude can readily slow up this process.
Tolerance furnishes, as a by-product, a greater freedom from the tendency to cling to preconceived ideas and stubbornly adhered-to opinions. In other words, it often promotes an open-mindedness that is vastly important - is, in fact, a prerequisite to the successful termination of any line of search, whether it be scientific or spiritual.
These, then, are a few of the reasons why an attempt to acquire tolerance should be made by each one of us.
On Cultivating Tolerance
By Dr. Bob Smith
From the editorial column of the July 1944 AA Grapevine
By Dr. Bob Smith
From the editorial column of the July 1944 AA Grapevine
During nine years in AA, I have observed that those who follow the Alcoholics Anonymous program with the greatest earnestness and zeal not only maintain sobriety but often acquire finer characteristics and attitudes as well. One of these is tolerance. Tolerance expresses itself in a variety of ways: in kindness and consideration toward the man or woman who is just beginning the march along the spiritual path; in the understanding of those who perhaps have been less fortunate in education advantages; and in sympathy toward those whose religious ideas may seem to be at great variance with our own.
I am reminded in this connection of the picture of a hub with its radiating spokes. We all start at the outer circumference and approach our destination by one of many routes. To say that one spoke is much better than all the other spokes is true only in the sense of its being best suited to you as an individual. Human nature is such that without some degree of tolerance, each one of us might be inclined to believe that we have found the best or perhaps the shortest spoke. Without some tolerance, we might tend to become a bit smug or superior - which, of course, is not helpful to the person we are trying to help and may be quite painful or obnoxious to others. No one of us wishes to do anything that might act as a deterrent to the advancement of another - and a patronizing attitude can readily slow up this process.
Tolerance furnishes, as a by-product, a greater freedom from the tendency to cling to preconceived ideas and stubbornly adhered-to opinions. In other words, it often promotes an open-mindedness that is vastly important - is, in fact, a prerequisite to the successful termination of any line of search, whether it be scientific or spiritual.
These, then, are a few of the reasons why an attempt to acquire tolerance should be made by each one of us.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
Dishonesty. This is a serious one. There are times when I know what is being said is untrue.
I know I am supposed to speak to them after the meeting, but I am too wimpy. If there are more than a few dishonest folk, I will stop going....however good the meeting is otherwise.
So I only harm myself.
I know I am supposed to speak to them after the meeting, but I am too wimpy. If there are more than a few dishonest folk, I will stop going....however good the meeting is otherwise.
So I only harm myself.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Leading with the chin Tommy? lol. There is not much that bugs me on a personal level about meetings. It might have to do with my motivations for going. I am looking to make a positive contribution and have an eye out for the newcomer, so I am ok on my side of the street.
Many of the issues above have to do with the behaviour of individuals that we find disappointing. My disappointment would be more with the uninformed group conscience that allows that kind of thing. Many meetings call themselves groups, but have no effective group conscience, and no real understanding of traditons 4 or 5.
This is a key thing for me. I am looking at a meeting from the point of view of a newcomer. What are his/her chances of hearing the AA message? That is why I am there, it is part of my program of recovery to carry the message. What people do has no effect on me personally, but it does affect the newcomer.
Many of the issues above have to do with the behaviour of individuals that we find disappointing. My disappointment would be more with the uninformed group conscience that allows that kind of thing. Many meetings call themselves groups, but have no effective group conscience, and no real understanding of traditons 4 or 5.
This is a key thing for me. I am looking at a meeting from the point of view of a newcomer. What are his/her chances of hearing the AA message? That is why I am there, it is part of my program of recovery to carry the message. What people do has no effect on me personally, but it does affect the newcomer.
It`s ok to stay sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Most of the gripes we had was
Crosstalk
Texting
Pets in meetings
Loud mouth and long winded shares
Gossip
It comes down to people just not behaving like we wish they would.Takes me back to step 3.Time and continued practice of the steps help with tolerance and peace of mind for me
My past sponsor # 2 used to say
In AA meetings we have all levels of insanity,sanity and spirituality.
My past sponsor # 3 said,
If you think we are bad now,you should have seen us before we quit drinking.
My buddy Bill says
There's something about him I don't like about me.
Crosstalk
Texting
Pets in meetings
Loud mouth and long winded shares
Gossip
It comes down to people just not behaving like we wish they would.Takes me back to step 3.Time and continued practice of the steps help with tolerance and peace of mind for me
My past sponsor # 2 used to say
In AA meetings we have all levels of insanity,sanity and spirituality.
My past sponsor # 3 said,
If you think we are bad now,you should have seen us before we quit drinking.
My buddy Bill says
There's something about him I don't like about me.
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Leading with the chin Tommy? lol. There is not much that bugs me on a personal level about meetings. It might have to do with my motivations for going. I am looking to make a positive contribution and have an eye out for the newcomer, so I am ok on my side of the street.
Many of the issues above have to do with the behaviour of individuals that we find disappointing. My disappointment would be more with the uninformed group conscience that allows that kind of thing. Many meetings call themselves groups, but have no effective group conscience, and no real understanding of traditons 4 or 5.
This is a key thing for me. I am looking at a meeting from the point of view of a newcomer. What are his/her chances of hearing the AA message? That is why I am there, it is part of my program of recovery to carry the message. What people do has no effect on me personally, but it does affect the newcomer.
Many of the issues above have to do with the behaviour of individuals that we find disappointing. My disappointment would be more with the uninformed group conscience that allows that kind of thing. Many meetings call themselves groups, but have no effective group conscience, and no real understanding of traditons 4 or 5.
This is a key thing for me. I am looking at a meeting from the point of view of a newcomer. What are his/her chances of hearing the AA message? That is why I am there, it is part of my program of recovery to carry the message. What people do has no effect on me personally, but it does affect the newcomer.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
The movie review share.......I really like what Fred said and Sally. John covered it best when he said........Rotten Tomatoes 25%
I'd like to hear what any friend's ESH is and not the ESPN recap or share of the day!
That said, I do like what TomSteve posted..........
I'd like to hear what any friend's ESH is and not the ESPN recap or share of the day!
That said, I do like what TomSteve posted..........
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by miamifella
Dishonesty. This is a serious one. There are times when I know what is being said is untrue.
I know I am supposed to speak to them after the meeting, but I am too wimpy. If there are more than a few dishonest folk, I will stop going....however good the meeting is otherwise.
So I only harm myself.
I know I am supposed to speak to them after the meeting, but I am too wimpy. If there are more than a few dishonest folk, I will stop going....however good the meeting is otherwise.
So I only harm myself.
When you say there are time you know what is being said is untrue what do you mean? Generally I take what is said in meetings at face value. If someone is going to spin tales about their sobriety or whatever so be it.
Never understood the point of lying or trying to show off at meetings.
Usually after a few minutes half the room stops listening and the other half couldn't care less.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I really can't say that anything about AA meetings truly gripes me.
Where I live, I can easily find another meeting to attend if one doesn't hit the spot with me for some reason.
It's hard to find fault with the vehicle for a pretty good run of sobriety on my part following 13 years of excessive (to use a gentle term) daily drinking and chronic drunkenness.
Gotta says it best, though, because it is incumbent on us, who have been around a while, to serve as favorable examples to newcomers and to try to spot them and talk with them.
When I'm overwhelmed with 12th Step work, I seldom think about drinking.
Where I live, I can easily find another meeting to attend if one doesn't hit the spot with me for some reason.
It's hard to find fault with the vehicle for a pretty good run of sobriety on my part following 13 years of excessive (to use a gentle term) daily drinking and chronic drunkenness.
Gotta says it best, though, because it is incumbent on us, who have been around a while, to serve as favorable examples to newcomers and to try to spot them and talk with them.
When I'm overwhelmed with 12th Step work, I seldom think about drinking.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
