cassb4444

Sorry if this topic is in the wrong section I'm new to this forum..

Well I'm a year sober, living in a sober house and got woken up to my house mom drug testing me. I couldn't pee at the time then I went to aftercare and my counselor told me that someone from a meeting called and said I was snorting something in a car. That never happened. So I took the drug test and passed, I've been clean for a year off everything and worked my ass off to get where I'm at. It hurts my feelings that someone would do that and it makes me not feel comfortable going to these meetings where people are judging me. I've been going to these meetings the past 6 months. The AA meetings in my area have people who gossip a lot and everyone knows everyone. I feel anxious enough as it is around a bunch of people and now i just feel hurt. Can someone give me some advice or encouragement because I'm really upset and depressed about this. Also has this ever happened to you? I talked to my sponsor and some support but I'm wondering what else people have to say. Thanks

Fly N Buy

Welcome , glad you're here

Dee74

Hi and welcome Cassb
I moved your thread to what I think is a more appropriate forum

I have no personal AA experience but I've been the butt of relapse rumours before.

I don't know what drives people to do things like that - I suspect it makes them feel good to tear others down maybe...but I just keep on doing what I'm doing, hold my head high...don't even bother to address said rumours

You know the truth.
In my experience the truth will always come out..and endures

D

tomsteve

welcome,cass.
ooohhh, ive had a rumor or 5 spread about me in AA.
in the beginning it hurt. as i worked the steps and learned more about me and how to handle it, the rumors didnt bother me. i was actually glad people were wasting their time talking about me. that way they were leaving someone alone that couldnt handle it.

i ran from people, places and things quite often in my life. to learn how to not allow others to control my actions, i had to have some discomfort as i continued going to the meetings where gossip about me started- i had to go to the meetings those people that gossiped about me were.

cass, look at the positive- the crap someone said wasnt true,right? so awesome!!!! do you like the meetings your attending? if so, then dont allow them sick ones keep you from something you want. hold your head up!
are there other meetings you could attend?

i think the best advise i could give is dont let someone that doesnt mean crap live rent free in your head. their opinion is as worthwhile as dog poop on the sole of your shoe.

and good on ya for a year!
where are ya at in the steps?

least

Ignore the rumors. You know you're clean and that's what matters.

Maudcat

Meetings have their own vibe, and sometimes they are a bit toxic.
I would try hard to find a meeting that fits.
I went to a lot of meetings before I found one that had good people and clicked with me.

Dave42001

Great job on 1 year! Kudos to you!

I'd be upset too! Thanks for sharing! Keep trudging forward, one day at a time..

dsmaxis10

Hi cass b4444 you will find nothing but support at SR Welcome

Ken33xx

I had a member accuse me of stealing a big book.

Once a member got in my face at work as if he were trying to smell alcohol.

I wasn't upset asI was surprised. Thought it very strange.

CousinA

There was a guy here who used to steal Big Books or 12 x 12's and sell them on the street. We figured he needed the money more than we needed the books and whoever it was buying them maybe needed then as well.

-allan

Ken33xx

What happened with me was this fellow came up after a meeting and told me to bring the BB back. I didn't know the man although I had seem him a few times at meetings. I said I didn't take a book. He reiterated I needed to bring it back... this time a bit more forceful. I just turned around and left the room. Who steals a BB? (outside of those selling them on the street...) If you want a copy but don't have the money it's usually offered free.

tomsteve

"Who steals a BB?"
someone who hasnt gotten the honesty part yet.

Berrybean

Very strange. Was the counsellor sure it was 'someone from AA' calling?

Makes a change from people arguing about who buys / makes the coffee I suppose.

Just remember that there are a lot more people in the room who did not make a call than the one person who (allegedly) did. Someone with good healthy sobriety would not have done that, so stick with the winners and you'll be avoiding any likely candidates by default.

Have you considered getting a sponsor yet? I found people were a lot less likely to interfere and offer unsolicited advise once they knew I have a snarky old sponsor who will growl at them for butting in inappropriately. Also, if something similar happened to me I know she'd be the person I could call and talk this stuff through to work through it.

Please try not to let it stop you going back to meetings. Even if it means finding alternative ones for a week or so if you absolutely have to.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

Tommyh

I was told if they are talking about me they are letting someone else rest.

don`t give them room in your head!

mejorando

This is unfortunate because it really sucks to feel like you´re being gossiped about. Hang in there, though-people who are long-term sober gossip but it doesn´t mean that you have to stoop to that level. I feel like some people stoop to that level just to fit in.

Anyway, keep up the good work. You´ve gotten this far by taking a lot of the right actions and you deserve respect for it. For those that don´t respect you or gossip were never worth your time anyway.

There is an AA club near me where there is gossip, but I´ve made a couple close friends that aren´t part of the ¨gossip-y¨ clique. I recommend that you do the same (take what you like and leave the rest).

It may seem like ¨everyone knows everyone¨ at first but that´s not necessarily the case; plus, new people come in all the time.

Thanks for reaching out on here. I start my day reading posts and it energizes me.

Take care!

¨Be who you are and say what you feel because those who don´t mind matter and those who matter don´t mind.¨ -Dr. Suess

CaiHong

Good on you Cass for the one year that is cause for celebration. I can understand your being hurt by people spreading lies about you, it makes you wonder where they are coming from and what would motivate them to do that but don't waste your time on speculation, easy to say I know.
Yesterday I decided not to discuss people kindly or unkindly, I didn't do very well to be honest, it was an interesting exercise in self awareness, how much we involve ourselves in others business.
I am staying with a friend who constantly gives me an update on people's lives, people whom I have never or will ever meet, it's exhausting. One thing I have noticed when I do talk disparagingly about people I feel really uncomfortable afterwards, off balance.
Your post reminded me that gossip has consequences and another thing to bear in mind is the Chinese whispers syndrome, words become distorted as they are passed along.
All the very best in your sobriety
CaiHong

sugarbear1

All we can do is keep our side of the street clean. What others say or do is on them. Sometimes we reap positive or negative experiences and sometimes consequences with others; this is our time to start learning about ourselves. Love and tolerance is our code.

Our higher power knows what's up.