ANOTHER Death
Recovered
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
ANOTHER Death
This disease kills.
My brother's girlfriend (ex at the time...it was on/off repeat) was found dead. He got sober and she did not.....and there you go.
She was 46.
I am sad, but I always circle around to profound gratitude. The willingness to WORK the steps and make HP/AA THE top priority has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams.
Without the program, I would be dead, too.
I wasn't going to post about this, but I think if it helps anybody to GET TO WORK, then her death will help someone else get sober. Maybe.
mfanch
My brother's girlfriend (ex at the time...it was on/off repeat) was found dead. He got sober and she did not.....and there you go.
She was 46.
I am sad, but I always circle around to profound gratitude. The willingness to WORK the steps and make HP/AA THE top priority has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams.
Without the program, I would be dead, too.
I wasn't going to post about this, but I think if it helps anybody to GET TO WORK, then her death will help someone else get sober. Maybe.
mfanch
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I'm sorry to hear this and am thinking of you and your family.
When I got sober again last May and went back to my usual meeting one of the older woman hugged me and said "I'm so glad you didn't have to die". At first I thought that was a bit over the top but no, this is true.
My best friend of 26 years died because of alcohol. She was 53 years old. In the final three years of her life I watched her go from the loving, caring person she was to a hardcore alcoholic. This partly was due to the death of a family member that was non alcohol related. She just gave up. It was horrendously sad to watch. Ultimately, she died due to burns from a fire. She was distraught over many things, like most of us alcoholics are to justify our drinking. She drank around the clock. One morning she fell asleep (passed out) after a flame end of a cigarette fell into the couch she was on. She awoke to flames and tried to put it out herself. She was transferred to a burn unit and died 4 days later.
Alcohol will kill if it gets it's way. Directly or indirectly, doesn't matter.
A reminder that we all walk that path as long as we continue to drink.
When I got sober again last May and went back to my usual meeting one of the older woman hugged me and said "I'm so glad you didn't have to die". At first I thought that was a bit over the top but no, this is true.
My best friend of 26 years died because of alcohol. She was 53 years old. In the final three years of her life I watched her go from the loving, caring person she was to a hardcore alcoholic. This partly was due to the death of a family member that was non alcohol related. She just gave up. It was horrendously sad to watch. Ultimately, she died due to burns from a fire. She was distraught over many things, like most of us alcoholics are to justify our drinking. She drank around the clock. One morning she fell asleep (passed out) after a flame end of a cigarette fell into the couch she was on. She awoke to flames and tried to put it out herself. She was transferred to a burn unit and died 4 days later.
Alcohol will kill if it gets it's way. Directly or indirectly, doesn't matter.
A reminder that we all walk that path as long as we continue to drink.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Yup 46 is way too young. I am very sorry to hear your news. What happened is apparently quite common with codependent couples, if that is the right word for two active alcoholics living together.
I 12 stepped a man in the psychiatric ward one time. he had a chronically alcoholic girlfriend. When He was released I picked them both up for a meeting. Both had been drinking, but promised they would drink no more until after the meeting. But they must have pre-loaded because they became more and more drunk during the meeting and eventually walked out.
An older member predited that one would die, and one would recover. Sure enough, he died a few weeks later, and she got sober. I am glad it was your brother who got sober, but sorry they both couldn't make it together.
I 12 stepped a man in the psychiatric ward one time. he had a chronically alcoholic girlfriend. When He was released I picked them both up for a meeting. Both had been drinking, but promised they would drink no more until after the meeting. But they must have pre-loaded because they became more and more drunk during the meeting and eventually walked out.
An older member predited that one would die, and one would recover. Sure enough, he died a few weeks later, and she got sober. I am glad it was your brother who got sober, but sorry they both couldn't make it together.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I often ask, why me as I walk among the tombstones? This disease takes so many and it almost took me. I believe God must have a plan for me because he directed me to AA and I found recovery at least for today and God willing all the days of my life. This AA thing has worked pretty darn well because I'm coming up on 8 years.
Condolences to you and all that loved her and hopefully her death may save others but what a sad time
Condolences to you and all that loved her and hopefully her death may save others but what a sad time
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I'm so sorry, mfanch.
And you are spot on - this fact is one reason I don't flinch when someone reminds us in a meeting that alcohol kills, and why I am sure that I come across as hardline when I comment on things like moderation on these threads.
There are several people I am concerned about right now- from my home group, which is small and pretty intimate- as I know they are out "experimenting." They may or may not make it back.
I don't have another chance in me.
And you are spot on - this fact is one reason I don't flinch when someone reminds us in a meeting that alcohol kills, and why I am sure that I come across as hardline when I comment on things like moderation on these threads.
There are several people I am concerned about right now- from my home group, which is small and pretty intimate- as I know they are out "experimenting." They may or may not make it back.
I don't have another chance in me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
Tragic.
I used to hate the slogan - "Some must die so others can live" - I thought it was so selfish and shallow. Then, during my first year of recovery, one of my closest AA friends went back out and a few months later committed suicide. I'm not trying to say the death kept me sober, but it it utterly transformed my sobriety. It transformed my relationship to the group. So many reached out to me, so many were there with me to make sure I was okay. I developed profound and deep relationships with people that I really never had before because I would never get vulnerable enough to let others in. In the saddest way, it made me grow spiritually. That very well may have saved my life.
I had another experience several months ago when my ex husband and father of my child overdosed. I had been slacking with meetings, drifting away from the program. I had started to feel very self-sufficient. His death lit a fire under my butt and I started attending meetings again, got a new sponsor, expanded my network, got back into the literature.
Some must die so others can live.
I get it now.
I used to hate the slogan - "Some must die so others can live" - I thought it was so selfish and shallow. Then, during my first year of recovery, one of my closest AA friends went back out and a few months later committed suicide. I'm not trying to say the death kept me sober, but it it utterly transformed my sobriety. It transformed my relationship to the group. So many reached out to me, so many were there with me to make sure I was okay. I developed profound and deep relationships with people that I really never had before because I would never get vulnerable enough to let others in. In the saddest way, it made me grow spiritually. That very well may have saved my life.
I had another experience several months ago when my ex husband and father of my child overdosed. I had been slacking with meetings, drifting away from the program. I had started to feel very self-sufficient. His death lit a fire under my butt and I started attending meetings again, got a new sponsor, expanded my network, got back into the literature.
Some must die so others can live.
I get it now.
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