The First Step

[Lilalkie]

I'm 5 days sober now and working on my first step. Deep down, I already know I'm an alcoholic. I've been through this before, and my "test trial" to see if I could drink like a normal person soon resulted in a relapse that lasted 6 months! But every so often, a seed of doubt is planted in my head, even though I know better. The first couple of days, I was reluctant and resentful at my husband for making me quit drinking and go back to AA. But after only the first meeting, I was able to remember that I was a drunk.
So my question is this--when do you know that you're ready to move on to the next step? Do I have to have all my doubts about ever drinking normally gone before I move on to step 2. I already have faith in God, but I know that steps 2 and 3 are much more than simply believing in God.
I am actively seeking a sponsor. I am doing 90 meetings in 90 days by choice, and hopefully I'll find one soon. I'm also reading to see what the Big Book has to say on the subject.
So how did you know you were ready to keep going? I don't want to rush it this time, because that's part of the reason I relapsed.

[1Marty]

For me the first step was about reflecting surrendering. It was time to stop fighting a hopless battle with alcohol that I could not win. It was about me giving up all the ways I tried in the past to control my drinking. It was about me recognizing all of the negative effects my drinking was having on myself and others. Basically it is when you recognize that you have a drinking ptoblem that you cannot solve on your own. I wouldn't worry too much when the thoughts come up - just as long as you recognize them and deal with them accordingly. I still get that crazy thinking sometime. But today I recognize the insanity in those thoughts, and don't react how I used to.

[3legacy]

((((((Lilalkie))))))
Lots of good information in the Big Book. Seems like it was written about others, lol just like me. ;-) Glad to hear you're seeking a Sponsor and opening up our Basic Text in seeking some honest answers. By the time you read this...... Congratulations on day 6!

Having a Sponsor helped me to answer for myself the questions you pose. Between him and the Book I found some pretty clearcut directions on how to proceed. When I went through them off the wall instead of out of the book with another who had also, I got "off the wall" sobriety. It was fleeting at best, dangerous at least. I was beat up bad enough to take direction after having lost my first sponsor(fellowship only) and another one of my friends(another of his sponsees in fellowship only) to our Dis"Ease".

Today, I know deep down that it was then that I lost all lurking notions of being able to drink with impunity ever again. Following their funerals, I found a compassionate, yet very hardcore Sponsor in AA's full Circle & Triangle. What a godsend that gentleman turned out to be. Tough to find Sponsors willing to offer the full meal deal these days and humble enough to offer the original instead of their own programs, but definately worth the efforts in seeking them out from my perspective.

Keeping you in thoughts and prayers.

Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service
Three Legs
:tri

[lulu70]

First, I would have to agree with 3leg that it is best to work all the steps with a sponsor who can guide you and answer your questions. There is no rush to get through the steps. It doesn't hurt to be thinking about them and beginning work on them, though.

Second, the first three steps, for me, are steps I work everyday. Every morning I ask my HP to remove the obsession for drink and drug and direct me to do 'his' will. I cannot consider myself "done" with the first step, because if I don't continually admit that I am powerless over alcohol, I may get over-confident and believe that I can drink again.

Congratulations on day 6! Keep it up. You are doing just fine. Keep doing what you are doing and things will happen when and how they are supposed to.

Hugs--

[Paulie]

Congrats on your 6 days...keep up the GREAT work.

And ditto to the above, working the steps with a sponsor is key for me to stay sober. And for me it is about writing, I do writing (directed by my sponsor) for each step. I finish one, we talk about it and go on to the next.

Keep doing what you are doing.

[con]

:tri well done,
For me the first step i have to aceppt 100% that i am powerless over alcohol
as my sponsor always says lets look at your record
and once i done that, i have to admit that he was right my record, trying to prove that i could drink normaly was not a good one and my life was unmanageable because i took drink when i know that it's not a very good idea the (insanity) thats why i came to believe that a power greater than me was needed
hope you find a sponsor i know there is one out there for you.
God would not have lead you this far and let you go it alone
Follow the steps and you won't fall off
GOD BLESS YOU MY FRIEND

[MootPoint]

Are you on day 6 now? I know I'm a bit late.

Good for you re 90 in 90 and seeking a sponsor Sounds like you're headed in the right direction.

You ask...

Do I have to have all my doubts about ever drinking normally gone before I move on to step 2

My sponsor told me that Step One is the "absolute" step.... it is the step you have to be CERTAIN about.

So how did you know you were ready to keep going?

I got a feeling that I was ready, and I started bugging my sponsor LOL. Just because I had a "feeling", however, does not indicate that I am indeed ready to progress. I've relied on my sponsor for soooooooo much guidance.

Have I said "sponsor" enough times LOL? I cannot recommend getting one strongly enough!

[mikel60]

Yeah Lilalkie,
It seems to be you are totally on the right path. When I was five days sober, it was all I could do to get to meetings, never mind worry about the steps. Getting on your knees is a good next step, so long as it is not the unenviable but inevitable result of a three day bender. I would also suggest what others have stated - look for a good sponsor. Get to the meeting early and see what long-timers are there. They can usually steer you in the right direction. Keep on doing it thiugh, it is really worth it!! Mikel Boston, MA