Reeks55

I've been an active member of aa and the program after 3 years it started with one lie , over smoking marijuana then I went to the store and bought beer that was three weeks ago I am still drinking.

I went to a meeting lasting week and still drank after. I can't stand the lying and hangovers I talked to my sponsor but have been avoiding him my big fear is quitting for good the first time seemed so much easier. I donno what to do. I gtg to a meeting tommorow. I haven't even prayed because I don't feel worthy of God. My thinking is so. Messed up. It's like I gave up. Any help is needed.

I have a great support group, I've been hesitant to use the, more because of my pride(thinking I can do it myself) it's just a terrible cycle I got into

Reeks55

I was thinking of reading the big book the 24 hours a day and praying a lot because I still feel like drinking

Dave42001

Call someone from AA.. Call your sponsor.. Sorry you're having a though time!! Get to a meeting in the morning, you'll feel better! Get back in the saddle and try again!!

michaelg

The thing about having sobriety once before is you now know there is an option. A choice. Choose that choice again. It really is the easier, softer way. Tell your sponsor, go to the very next mtg and pick up a new chip. Everything's not lost. You are in my prayers brother.

Berrybean

You know, I'm not sure that was where it started. Because smoking marijuana isn't being 'sober'. I think you need to rewind a bit further to give yourself any kind of chance of understanding what happened here. Why did you suddenly decide that smoking that stuff was a good idea? THAT was when you relapsed - not when you picked up the beer. I suspect that the beer was pretty inevitable because of the marijuana.

I think you do know what you need to do. You just don't want to do it:

Pray to you HP
Contact your sponsor - if only to say " ****ed up. I need help"
If you're still smoking marijuana or drinking, then STOP NOW

People DO relapse. And a great many of them realise in hindsight that it was because they left something out of their Step 4, or because they weren't willing to be honest in their Step 10 inventory taking, so were depriving themselves of the most important recovery tools: Willingness and Honesty.

You DO know what you need to do. And you know what. You CAN do it. If you want to.

Wishing you all the best in your journey of recovery to freedom and serenity. Every path has its puddles but it's worth getting your feet wet on this one.

Steely

Hop back in the saddle and get honest about it with the people who care. If you have a good sponsor s/he will understand. It will be like a weight lifted.

stevieg46

Hi Reeks .
Stop feeling like a second class citizen because you lifted a drink , like Beccy said your drink started when you smoked dope ''many of us held on to our old ideas and the result was nil '' ego and pride need to be deflated /smashed , you ''cannot run an unmanageable life with old ideas ''.
I drank after 20 yrs then secretly for 12 yrs saying I was sober 32 yrs , deflation at depth admitted everything to family and AA and started 100% from the beginning got sponsor went through steps and have had the promised spiritual awakening , I will be ''recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body for 10 years on March 12th ''.

Haven't heard of anyone that practices the principles in all their affairs smoking dope.? Hope that makes you think ?, good thing is you can turn a disadvantage into an advantage and ''LEARN '' from it , it is only the end of the world in your head because of ''ego and pride '' still ''wanting to be 3 years sober '' I know this because that is how I felt . Get honest 100% come clean and ask for help and start again , good thing is you still have the experience of the 3 years so use that as a ''learning basis '' take care .

Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006 .
words are easy music is much harder .

dsmaxis10

Every body worthy of God and His grace. I had four years and relapsed for the last three years.Don't give up me I told everyone I relapsed . The longest I went those three years was four months with a sponsor. One day I called him up and said I don't have to do anything to stay sober two weeks later I drank. Today I have 36 days very little time but it's a lot for me. I'm recovering I was recovered before but I rested on my laurels and what it says on pg 85. I never quit going to meetings them three years I'm not going give up.

tomsteve

i think you can have some very good lessons from this.
your thread about meetings? prolly see how meetings dont keep a person sober now.

yer thread about relapse after 39 years?
you can understand one way that happens.

your thread about step 10?
you need to be at step 0.


imo, your relapse ended with smokin dope, if you have even stopped smokin it during your time without drinking.

go to the meeting and be honest. admit your faults to God and your fellows, as in this:

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you - until then

skg

Try Really Using Step Three.

CAPTAINZING2000

I didn't cheat and steal because I drank, I drank because I cheated and stole.
I had to remove the core issues of why I drank.
This old timer where I go to meetings always asks, what do you have when you sober up a horse thief? A horse thief!

We have to look at ourselves in the mirror everyday. The key for me was to like the person staring back at me.

silentrun

Sorry you got sucked back into that crap storm. I clicked on this thread because I am almost at 3 myself. I can't even imagine it having it hands around my throat again. It is truly frightening to me. You know you have to do whatever it takes to get away from it again. I wish you well.

Reeks55

I never cheated or stole until I started drinking, it turned me into a different person.

Reeks55

What brought me back was smoking weed then I started drinking. I backed away from praying, being honest,

Reeks55

I'm never a sober horse thief only a drunken one, if that makes sense

Berrybean

Glad you're still here Reeks.

I was wondering where you are at now? (I mean with the following: using weed? drinking alcohol? with admitting your relapse to your sponsor? with reaching out to your group? with reconnecting with your HP?)

Hoping that you're getting things gradually back on track.

OldTomato

Tell the truth, speak to your sponsor, and don't beat yourself up too much. Try and recognise what caused this relapse and form a plan of how you will deal with future urges. Don't fall back into the dishonesty addiction causes. I hope you're feeling better.

silentrun

I have heard that before. When I was brand new here someone with a year sober (which seemed like an eternity to someone just starting out) came back and warned us all about smoking pot. He said it had excited something in his brain and he was in full relapse.

You said you thought your pride was getting in the way and you are thinking you should be able to do this yourself. That is just your mind trying to separate you from help so you can keep drinking. The truth is that you will have to put in the lion's share of the effort. Help is help, it's not someone doing it for you. At 3 weeks this is still highly salvageable. You have a good chance of pulling out of this spin before it gets you to far down. Act today, right this minute. Since you are into prayer I thought you might like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kILVFRlUtT8

Reeks55

I went to a meeting tonight (mon) and all I wanted to do is drink so I went and bought a 12 pack and drank it after the meeting.. I donno I wanna drink and stay sober my mind tells me two things at the same time.

stevieg46

.

Hi Reeks .

There is nothing worse than a belly full of booze and a head full of AA which all stems from guilt , remorse self loathing and pity .

If you accept you are alcoholic and still want to drink despite all common sense advice and your past experience in sobriety and your frame of mind is to continue drinking ? the only thing to do is get stuck into the booze until you are sick of being sick, and then you reach your personal gutter .

Once ( if your lucky to get away with it without to much damage ) you may perhaps throw in the towel and start again in AA .

Reality is you can start again anytime you do not need to put yourself and family if there is one through all that s### again .

Problem is with booze is you cant stay drunk all the time and if alcoholic, repercussions take place , not very pleasant at all , but you do not need to put yourself through it , you have a choice , alcoholism is an illness ''not an excuse '' .

You are moping after taking a drink after 3 years , well I felt worse than you I drank after 20 years , first thoughts were '' wish to F### I didn't have the wisdom to know the difference '' . If AA does not stop you drinking ? it certainly spoils it , take care Reeks its make your mind up time .

Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006 .

words are easy music is much harder .