Meeting fix
Choosing Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: London
Posts: 889
Meeting fix
Yesterday was a dark day indeed. I didn't drink but boy was I pushing for one.
I attempted to tackle my finances which, as an alcoholic who has recently decided to do something about his drinking, are in a complete fooking mess. I don't want to sound too dramatic, but "bankrupt" maybe the letters I'll have to put after my name soon. Maybe not, I'll just have to ride the storm.
Anyway, this put me in a foul dark place. I tried to hand it over time and time again but something inside was very very wrong. I started putting myself down and everything down. The AA program, me for being such an idiot, and of course top of the agenda was - have a couple of pints.
I played the tape, but didn't care about that, I wanted drunk. I started pacing the room like a fooking lunatic.... then one of my mates (& drinking buddies) knocked on the door - arrrrrggggghhhhhh wtf is happening!!! - I made coffee and had a chat with him - but then I knew I HAD to get out. I went to a meeting and sat there stewing like a stroppy teenager. For the whole meeting I sat there planning a drink, bargaining with myself, snorting at what people were saying, returning my sponsor's concerned looks with a scowl.
But then on one of the final shares, something clicked, it was like someone flicking a switch and I was back.
When I got home I ran through the whole drinking situation with a clear head - and you know what - I am scared, I am fooking $hit scared of drinking again. I didn't think that it would ever hit me that hard again - in some ways I thought I was doing very well - but I have got a lot to learn - I have got a lot of work to do on me. This ain't over, but I am definitely on a new beginning - and for that I am truely grateful.
Thank God for that meeting.
much love
JC
I attempted to tackle my finances which, as an alcoholic who has recently decided to do something about his drinking, are in a complete fooking mess. I don't want to sound too dramatic, but "bankrupt" maybe the letters I'll have to put after my name soon. Maybe not, I'll just have to ride the storm.
Anyway, this put me in a foul dark place. I tried to hand it over time and time again but something inside was very very wrong. I started putting myself down and everything down. The AA program, me for being such an idiot, and of course top of the agenda was - have a couple of pints.
I played the tape, but didn't care about that, I wanted drunk. I started pacing the room like a fooking lunatic.... then one of my mates (& drinking buddies) knocked on the door - arrrrrggggghhhhhh wtf is happening!!! - I made coffee and had a chat with him - but then I knew I HAD to get out. I went to a meeting and sat there stewing like a stroppy teenager. For the whole meeting I sat there planning a drink, bargaining with myself, snorting at what people were saying, returning my sponsor's concerned looks with a scowl.
But then on one of the final shares, something clicked, it was like someone flicking a switch and I was back.
When I got home I ran through the whole drinking situation with a clear head - and you know what - I am scared, I am fooking $hit scared of drinking again. I didn't think that it would ever hit me that hard again - in some ways I thought I was doing very well - but I have got a lot to learn - I have got a lot of work to do on me. This ain't over, but I am definitely on a new beginning - and for that I am truely grateful.
Thank God for that meeting.
much love
JC
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
Keep up the whole step/sponsor thing, and you'll be laughing about this in a few weeks! Welcome to step 1 part 2, as my sponsor might say, and I've been there more times than I'd care to count. The trick is not getting back before part 1. But you got through it well, and did the smart thing by sharing it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
JC... 
I am really do glad you are here, thank you so much for sharing that with us.
what is really wonderful is that you took the steps to prevent yourself from having a slip....going to a meeting,
even though your addictive brain was telling you "F" It!
Not giving in to an excuse to drink (finances, old drinking buddies).
And coming here to share how you were planning to have your drink and through having the light turned on were able to avoid feeding your addiction.
I realize it was a close call and am grateful that nasty little flea ridden
monkey did not get his DOC.
Sorry about the finances, seems like alot of us are in the same boat.
I love ya matie!!
I am really do glad you are here, thank you so much for sharing that with us.
what is really wonderful is that you took the steps to prevent yourself from having a slip....going to a meeting,
even though your addictive brain was telling you "F" It!
Not giving in to an excuse to drink (finances, old drinking buddies).
And coming here to share how you were planning to have your drink and through having the light turned on were able to avoid feeding your addiction.
I realize it was a close call and am grateful that nasty little flea ridden
monkey did not get his DOC.
Sorry about the finances, seems like alot of us are in the same boat.
I love ya matie!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((((JC 
)))))))))
I'm so grateful you stayed for the whole meeting my friend. There came a time in my early sobriety where the only thing that stood between me and the next drink was God. I was beyond human aid but just developing a relationship with Him through working the 12 Steps. I turned on my LEFT turn signal and yet took a RIGHT into a tavern parking lot at 9 months sober.
I began to cry while keeping the car running and parked in the front space of the Workshop tavern where I had taken my last DRINK. I backed back out of the parking lot and dragged my rearend to a meeting immediately after looking around to see if anyone in the Tavern was watching me cry. In the few 24 hours since then, I have become aware of what I believe to be a fact of my existence today - God works through people and speaks through them often to help a wretch known as 3 Legs.
I hear in your message here that your Higher Power delivered a "click" at just the right time for you as well. This continues happening for me and the Step work we do seems to clear a channel for the river of God to flow with its healing grace. Keep allowing the Sunlight of the Spirit to enter you my friend as I have sensed it in our brief but wonderful chats! You are gaining the practical experience of walking through this kind of stuff to strengthen you for down the road.
((((((((JC))))))))) :ilu You are a precious gift and have a wonderful way of being Gods vessel in helping other alcoholics. No matter the financial/employment picture - YOU CAN & WILL STAY SOBER if you keep putting one foot in front of the other while turning to God.
Three Legs
:tri
)))))))))I'm so grateful you stayed for the whole meeting my friend. There came a time in my early sobriety where the only thing that stood between me and the next drink was God. I was beyond human aid but just developing a relationship with Him through working the 12 Steps. I turned on my LEFT turn signal and yet took a RIGHT into a tavern parking lot at 9 months sober.
I began to cry while keeping the car running and parked in the front space of the Workshop tavern where I had taken my last DRINK. I backed back out of the parking lot and dragged my rearend to a meeting immediately after looking around to see if anyone in the Tavern was watching me cry. In the few 24 hours since then, I have become aware of what I believe to be a fact of my existence today - God works through people and speaks through them often to help a wretch known as 3 Legs.
But then on one of the final shares, something clicked, it was like someone flicking a switch and I was back.
((((((((JC))))))))) :ilu You are a precious gift and have a wonderful way of being Gods vessel in helping other alcoholics. No matter the financial/employment picture - YOU CAN & WILL STAY SOBER if you keep putting one foot in front of the other while turning to God.
Three Legs
:tri
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
I'm so glad you made it to the meeting and not the pub. I'll sit right beside you with the financial woes 
. You're right. It's pretty common.
But....... you didn't drink over it!
. You're right. It's pretty common.But....... you didn't drink over it!
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