How do I tell my new employer what I mainly do outside of work?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
How do I tell my new employer what I mainly do outside of work?
Hey all,
I am starting a new job on Monday. I want to make things different this time for this job. I don't want to have to hide the biggest thing going on outside of my life (which is AA) from my coworkers. The reality is I really don't have too much else going on in my life other than work and AA. I do a few other fun things but honestly just don't do them anywhere near as often as going to the AA meetings. I want things to be different in this job and want to be more open with people. The mistake I made in my last job was that I became so closed off and afraid to talk about my personal life that I became extremely reclusive and quiet at work -- and then people starting making fun of me for being that way.
This new job is a remote job (work at home almost 100% of the time). I am an extremely shy and introverted guy so it's a very ideal situation for me. At the same time, I'm also aware of the dangers of this type of work situation as well (isolation and overworking myself are the two things I'm worried about even as a shy introvert). I'll be honest ... I'm able to spend 90% of the weekends by myself in my apartment and be happy with it (the other 10% I go to the meetings or run errands). I am very much a homebody and always have been. Does anyone here have any advice about this situation? Should I tell my new employer I'm in AA? If not, how should I explain what I do outside of work? Maybe I could say something like I volunteer for churches and recovery centers for alcoholics and then go into how my life has been centered on alcoholism with people in my family (which is true but not mentioning myself)? Something like that? Otherwise, I don't know what to say and it's going to be awkward.
I am starting a new job on Monday. I want to make things different this time for this job. I don't want to have to hide the biggest thing going on outside of my life (which is AA) from my coworkers. The reality is I really don't have too much else going on in my life other than work and AA. I do a few other fun things but honestly just don't do them anywhere near as often as going to the AA meetings. I want things to be different in this job and want to be more open with people. The mistake I made in my last job was that I became so closed off and afraid to talk about my personal life that I became extremely reclusive and quiet at work -- and then people starting making fun of me for being that way.
This new job is a remote job (work at home almost 100% of the time). I am an extremely shy and introverted guy so it's a very ideal situation for me. At the same time, I'm also aware of the dangers of this type of work situation as well (isolation and overworking myself are the two things I'm worried about even as a shy introvert). I'll be honest ... I'm able to spend 90% of the weekends by myself in my apartment and be happy with it (the other 10% I go to the meetings or run errands). I am very much a homebody and always have been. Does anyone here have any advice about this situation? Should I tell my new employer I'm in AA? If not, how should I explain what I do outside of work? Maybe I could say something like I volunteer for churches and recovery centers for alcoholics and then go into how my life has been centered on alcoholism with people in my family (which is true but not mentioning myself)? Something like that? Otherwise, I don't know what to say and it's going to be awkward.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Maybe it is just me but it is none of my employers business what I do on my own time. I am active in AA and on my meeting nights they know I have a church meeting on Monday and Wednesday which is more or less true because there are AA meetings there. None of coworkers know of my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Congrats on the new job!
Why would you need to explain what you do outside of work? What does your program suggest about feeling fearful, awkward, or embarrassed regarding what other people think of you? As the old maxim says, “What others think of me is none of my business.”
Or, one I like even better, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think about you if you realized how seldom they did.”
That said, I’ve never seen any upside to advertising to the world at large that I’m in recovery. It’s no one else’s business. Especially in the professional arena. Not everyone out there is so evolved as to be nonjudgmental.
If pressed on the issue of what you do outside of work, I would just say I do a lot of volunteering. No further explanation necessary or advisable.
Why would you need to explain what you do outside of work? What does your program suggest about feeling fearful, awkward, or embarrassed regarding what other people think of you? As the old maxim says, “What others think of me is none of my business.”
Or, one I like even better, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think about you if you realized how seldom they did.”
That said, I’ve never seen any upside to advertising to the world at large that I’m in recovery. It’s no one else’s business. Especially in the professional arena. Not everyone out there is so evolved as to be nonjudgmental.
If pressed on the issue of what you do outside of work, I would just say I do a lot of volunteering. No further explanation necessary or advisable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Hi Caldus
Well, I have found it works best when I keep mention of my recovery outside of work. If a situation presets itself later where God wants it known to help someone, that might change.
Somce you won't be seeing these people every day this
Could work well.
As for what you do for "extra" or "fun" things, I was told by a longtimer years ago there's never a reason to lie. If you can think of 2 things you really enjoy, even cooking or being with friends or family, that's orobanly plenty - if he asks.
Well, I have found it works best when I keep mention of my recovery outside of work. If a situation presets itself later where God wants it known to help someone, that might change.
Somce you won't be seeing these people every day this
Could work well.
As for what you do for "extra" or "fun" things, I was told by a longtimer years ago there's never a reason to lie. If you can think of 2 things you really enjoy, even cooking or being with friends or family, that's orobanly plenty - if he asks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 132
I wouldn't tell your employer or coworkers either. You can probably think of other interests you have, as WMJ suggested, even if they aren't really actual activities you participate in outside of your home.
Not everyone is as understanding as you might think they should be so it is best not to advertise it to them.
Not everyone is as understanding as you might think they should be so it is best not to advertise it to them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 123
Tell them you enjoy meditation and drinking coffee with friends. It's really none of their business. I don't tell perspective employers about my recovery unless they do a background check and question me about my drug charges. Most don't really care about them because it's only possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. Both are ungraded misdemeanors that are over 3 years old. I just tell them I liked to party when I was younger and out grew it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,384
Sorry to contradict what many people say about not telling anyone at work you're a recovering alcoholic and go to AA.
For me though I found it a stress reducer by telling some of my co-workers I used to be a big drinker and I go to AA.
I didn't do this right away when I started this job 2 years ago. But probably after 6 months or so into the job as other people talked about what they do on weekends and with their time outside of work, I just said screw it I'm going to tell people who I am and what I'm about!
I did it for the same reason caldus was talking about. I was reclusive, quiet, and this only increased my anxiety about worrying what if people know I'm in AA! Now that I'm open about it the anxiety is gone and I have better dialogue with people at work and better yet they accept me who I am and give me credit for what I'm doing!
Now keep in mind I believe there's a certain way to tell people. I don't tell them about some of the trouble I got into or much of what happened during my drinking. I just say I used to be a big drinker and now go to AA. From my experience I've had nothing but positive responses! And I don't have to worry about hiding a large part of who I am!
For me though I found it a stress reducer by telling some of my co-workers I used to be a big drinker and I go to AA.
I didn't do this right away when I started this job 2 years ago. But probably after 6 months or so into the job as other people talked about what they do on weekends and with their time outside of work, I just said screw it I'm going to tell people who I am and what I'm about!
I did it for the same reason caldus was talking about. I was reclusive, quiet, and this only increased my anxiety about worrying what if people know I'm in AA! Now that I'm open about it the anxiety is gone and I have better dialogue with people at work and better yet they accept me who I am and give me credit for what I'm doing!
Now keep in mind I believe there's a certain way to tell people. I don't tell them about some of the trouble I got into or much of what happened during my drinking. I just say I used to be a big drinker and now go to AA. From my experience I've had nothing but positive responses! And I don't have to worry about hiding a large part of who I am!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,384
Originally Posted by 1dayaddatime 
Why do you feel the need to tell your employer about your personal life. Keep your personal life personal and your professional life professional. The less people know about you the better off you'll be.
Many people at my place talk about getting high and/or drunk. A couple of guys talked about getting a dui (drunk driving). One of the supervisors has a medical marijuana card and showed me pictures of all the pot plants he grows in his house. Other guys tell me how they get drunk every weekend. Some guys tell me they get drunk after work during the week. The list goes on!
At first I was closed mouth about my personal life. I was afraid people would judge me that I'm an alcoholic and go to AA. But just like I don't judge people on the job for their drug and alcohol usage, I've found they don't judge me for telling them I'm an alcoholic and go to AA.
When I told them I haven't drank in 23 years, some guys laugh and joke that they haven't drank in 16 hours! I was actually able to do 12th step work with a guy who came into work drunk and got fired. I picked him up at his house and took him to an AA meeting.
Most of the time people just work hard and are just trying to cope with all the pressures of life. Drinking and drugging for many is the only way they know how to survive. I let them know that it's possible to cope and survive while staying sober! For the record I work at a tool and die place that's mainly blue collar with mostly men. But I've worked at other places that wasn't mostly blue collar of this nature where there was mostly women and I did the same thing! I eventually told co-workers I go to AA and had the same result. No one judged me for this and many responses were positive!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Colchester, England
Posts: 104
My experience is similar to Uncle Holmes'.
The last job I had was working for a guy in the programme, the job before that I told my prospective employer that I was in recovery during the job interview. Turned out her brother was also in recovery. The co-workers I had were extremely supportive and it was never an issue. At the end of the day, I have a disease - it's nothing to be ashamed about. And I'm helping to spread the recovery message by folks seeing me live life on life's terms without resorting t the crutch of booze and alcohol. If folks want to judge me for being an alkie, then that's their issue.
The last job I had was working for a guy in the programme, the job before that I told my prospective employer that I was in recovery during the job interview. Turned out her brother was also in recovery. The co-workers I had were extremely supportive and it was never an issue. At the end of the day, I have a disease - it's nothing to be ashamed about. And I'm helping to spread the recovery message by folks seeing me live life on life's terms without resorting t the crutch of booze and alcohol. If folks want to judge me for being an alkie, then that's their issue.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,945
I'm on disability I can't help ya but if it was me I wouldn't tell them it could be used against you if you have a bad week of work they will say he must of been drinking. I'd say I hang out with my family and friends that I'm very close to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
Originally Posted by uncle holmes
At many places of employment co-workers talk about their weekends and/or their interests outside of work.
Many people at my place talk about getting high and/or drunk. A couple of guys talked about getting a dui (drunk driving). One of the supervisors has a medical marijuana card and showed me pictures of all the pot plants he grows in his house. Other guys tell me how they get drunk every weekend. Some guys tell me they get drunk after work during the week. The list goes on!
At first I was closed mouth about my personal life. I was afraid people would judge me that I'm an alcoholic and go to AA. But just like I don't judge people on the job for their drug and alcohol usage, I've found they don't judge me for telling them I'm an alcoholic and go to AA.
When I told them I haven't drank in 23 years, some guys laugh and joke that they haven't drank in 16 hours! I was actually able to do 12th step work with a guy who came into work drunk and got fired. I picked him up at his house and took him to an AA meeting.
Most of the time people just work hard and are just trying to cope with all the pressures of life. Drinking and drugging for many is the only way they know how to survive. I let them know that it's possible to cope and survive while staying sober! For the record I work at a tool and die place that's mainly blue collar with mostly men. But I've worked at other places that wasn't mostly blue collar of this nature where there was mostly women and I did the same thing! I eventually told co-workers I go to AA and had the same result. No one judged me for this and many responses were positive!
Many people at my place talk about getting high and/or drunk. A couple of guys talked about getting a dui (drunk driving). One of the supervisors has a medical marijuana card and showed me pictures of all the pot plants he grows in his house. Other guys tell me how they get drunk every weekend. Some guys tell me they get drunk after work during the week. The list goes on!
At first I was closed mouth about my personal life. I was afraid people would judge me that I'm an alcoholic and go to AA. But just like I don't judge people on the job for their drug and alcohol usage, I've found they don't judge me for telling them I'm an alcoholic and go to AA.
When I told them I haven't drank in 23 years, some guys laugh and joke that they haven't drank in 16 hours! I was actually able to do 12th step work with a guy who came into work drunk and got fired. I picked him up at his house and took him to an AA meeting.
Most of the time people just work hard and are just trying to cope with all the pressures of life. Drinking and drugging for many is the only way they know how to survive. I let them know that it's possible to cope and survive while staying sober! For the record I work at a tool and die place that's mainly blue collar with mostly men. But I've worked at other places that wasn't mostly blue collar of this nature where there was mostly women and I did the same thing! I eventually told co-workers I go to AA and had the same result. No one judged me for this and many responses were positive!
I'm thinking about starting off mentioning as much as I can without actually saying I'm an alcoholic ... such as ... "I volunteer for recovery centers and churches and work with alcoholics in recovery. It has become a big part of my life." -- something like that. And then if they ask why then I can mention that I've dealt with a lot of alcoholism in my family (which is true). And if they keep pressing me, then maybe I'll just finally admit I'm in AA and hope for the best. I don't care if they know except that like others said, it may be a bad thing to tell your employer you were once an alcoholic if they don't understand the disease and what AA is about.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
"Having had a spiritual awakening as THE RESULT of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs." Step 12.
Even if you're not having an affair at work (joke!), you can practice the principles. It is a 'design for living' that works in all weather. I'm with Uncle Holmes.
What are you ashamed of? A spiritual life? Being sober with a chance to absolutely enjoy life? An example of recovery to others who may need to come to you at some point as their only contact with the Big Book?
I don't suggest putting flyers on the bulletin boards or sending a blanket email, but if asked, tell the truth. You're in recovery and spend much of your time helping others (if, in fact, that's what you do).
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. That doesn't mean you need to instantly turn gregarious. Just be a friend and open your heart to God as you understand Him. You'll be just fine...
Even if you're not having an affair at work (joke!), you can practice the principles. It is a 'design for living' that works in all weather. I'm with Uncle Holmes.
What are you ashamed of? A spiritual life? Being sober with a chance to absolutely enjoy life? An example of recovery to others who may need to come to you at some point as their only contact with the Big Book?
I don't suggest putting flyers on the bulletin boards or sending a blanket email, but if asked, tell the truth. You're in recovery and spend much of your time helping others (if, in fact, that's what you do).
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. That doesn't mean you need to instantly turn gregarious. Just be a friend and open your heart to God as you understand Him. You'll be just fine...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by skg
"Having had a spiritual awakening as THE RESULT of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs." Step 12.
Even if you're not having an affair at work (joke!), you can practice the principles. It is a 'design for living' that works in all weather. I'm with Uncle Holmes.
What are you ashamed of? A spiritual life? Being sober with a chance to absolutely enjoy life? An example of recovery to others who may need to come to you at some point as their only contact with the Big Book?
I don't suggest putting flyers on the bulletin boards or sending a blanket email, but if asked, tell the truth. You're in recovery and spend much of your time helping others (if, in fact, that's what you do).
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. That doesn't mean you need to instantly turn gregarious. Just be a friend and open your heart to God as you understand Him. You'll be just fine...
Even if you're not having an affair at work (joke!), you can practice the principles. It is a 'design for living' that works in all weather. I'm with Uncle Holmes.
What are you ashamed of? A spiritual life? Being sober with a chance to absolutely enjoy life? An example of recovery to others who may need to come to you at some point as their only contact with the Big Book?
I don't suggest putting flyers on the bulletin boards or sending a blanket email, but if asked, tell the truth. You're in recovery and spend much of your time helping others (if, in fact, that's what you do).
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. That doesn't mean you need to instantly turn gregarious. Just be a friend and open your heart to God as you understand Him. You'll be just fine...
I think the proper course of action depends a lot on context. I know that at my particular job, if I were to bring up AA meetings in any general discussion about how I spent my weekend, my freedom from “fear of economic insecurity” would likely soon be put to the test!
Other jobs and other situations may be different.
30 Days & Under Club
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Congrats on your new job!!
That said, DO NOT tell your co-workers about AA. You will be labeled as an alcoholic in the workplace which will (unfortunately) prohibit you from moving up in the company. It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is in the workplace...
Also, I don't think it's any of their business what you do after work. I'd keep my private life to myself; especially in a new work environment.
That said, DO NOT tell your co-workers about AA. You will be labeled as an alcoholic in the workplace which will (unfortunately) prohibit you from moving up in the company. It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is in the workplace...
Also, I don't think it's any of their business what you do after work. I'd keep my private life to myself; especially in a new work environment.
30 Days & Under Club
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Originally Posted by SoberRunner
....
You will be labeled as an alcoholic in the workplace which will (unfortunately) prohibit you from moving up in the company.
....
I meant "which will (unfortunately) lead to you being far less likely to move up..."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
I understand that, but you know as well as I do that people eventually ask about your hobbies and such at work. I need to have a good answer ready without saying I'm an alcoholic ... such as "I do a lot of volunteering..." or whatever.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Originally Posted by Andante
Well, sure, maybe in an ideal world you can go around crediting AA as the source of all the love and tolerance you spread without having any concern for possible adverse consequences, but my experience in the real world suggests that it’s sensible to use a bit of caution and prudence.
A new freedom and a new happiness!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
