"So, do I need help with my drinking or my alcoholism?"
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
"So, do I need help with my drinking or my alcoholism?"
A new guy asked me that the other day at a meeting after several ppl at the table talked about the differences between (just) alcoholic drinking and real alcoholism.
Though it took a while to sink in enough for me to understand that there IS a difference, I recall being somewhat relieved when I was new and started to hear those comments at meetings. Ya see, drinking didn't seem to kick my butt all that much. Sure, 3 DUI's really sucked but the physical complications from my drinking were still worth the troubles, in my mind. What I couldn't take much longer was the constant depression, self-loathing, anxiety, fear, mistrust and downright hatred of most other people, and all the other social and spiritual "illnesses" associated with alcoholism. I knew for sure SOMEthing was kicking my a$$ and I also knew for sure it wasn't the drinking......it was something deeper than the drinking. Something that led to it. Something that was there when I was dry but seemed to go away when I drank - hence the belief that drinking was worth the pain.
I recall being told that nowhere in the Big Book does it say "stop drinking." Nope, they talk about drinking a lot at first though but then somewhat subtly, the tune changes to one of recovery. How to live in a recovery lifestyle, what it looks like and what to do. This type of lifestyle, I was told, would arrest the real problem in my life - alcoholism and by treating my alcoholism, the alcoholic drinking would be handled as a bonus.
I read a lot of posts about drinking problems, how to stop drinking, and how bad booze is for us. While I agree booze can be reeeally bad, it was the precursor to the booze that had the noose around my neck - alcoholism. Stopping drinking helped me feel better for a while but man-o-man, there came a time when just not drinking had me feeling worse than I'd ever felt.
I still get that way once in a while. Typically after getting a couple material things I've been wanting, I seem to put it on coast....don't look to change anything (because I like feeling "good" and don't want it to go away), and mistakenly think "it'll last this time."
It's funny...... 10 years ago my alcoholism manifested in me drinking. Now, with 8+ years, it manifests in "this feels good so don't change/grow." Both have lead to the same disastrous end - I feel sooo crumby that I get off my dead butt and start movin' again. I suppose that's why they say your alcoholism keeps growing, whether you're drinking or not. It just pops up through different holes in our lives, in a different form, with a different look/feel to it.
Though it took a while to sink in enough for me to understand that there IS a difference, I recall being somewhat relieved when I was new and started to hear those comments at meetings. Ya see, drinking didn't seem to kick my butt all that much. Sure, 3 DUI's really sucked but the physical complications from my drinking were still worth the troubles, in my mind. What I couldn't take much longer was the constant depression, self-loathing, anxiety, fear, mistrust and downright hatred of most other people, and all the other social and spiritual "illnesses" associated with alcoholism. I knew for sure SOMEthing was kicking my a$$ and I also knew for sure it wasn't the drinking......it was something deeper than the drinking. Something that led to it. Something that was there when I was dry but seemed to go away when I drank - hence the belief that drinking was worth the pain.
I recall being told that nowhere in the Big Book does it say "stop drinking." Nope, they talk about drinking a lot at first though but then somewhat subtly, the tune changes to one of recovery. How to live in a recovery lifestyle, what it looks like and what to do. This type of lifestyle, I was told, would arrest the real problem in my life - alcoholism and by treating my alcoholism, the alcoholic drinking would be handled as a bonus.
I read a lot of posts about drinking problems, how to stop drinking, and how bad booze is for us. While I agree booze can be reeeally bad, it was the precursor to the booze that had the noose around my neck - alcoholism. Stopping drinking helped me feel better for a while but man-o-man, there came a time when just not drinking had me feeling worse than I'd ever felt.
I still get that way once in a while. Typically after getting a couple material things I've been wanting, I seem to put it on coast....don't look to change anything (because I like feeling "good" and don't want it to go away), and mistakenly think "it'll last this time."
It's funny...... 10 years ago my alcoholism manifested in me drinking. Now, with 8+ years, it manifests in "this feels good so don't change/grow." Both have lead to the same disastrous end - I feel sooo crumby that I get off my dead butt and start movin' again. I suppose that's why they say your alcoholism keeps growing, whether you're drinking or not. It just pops up through different holes in our lives, in a different form, with a different look/feel to it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
