Develop Trust
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
It started with developing trust with a sponsor. She was the first person I ever trusted. Then I went from there. I slowly acted my way into correct thinking and then learning to trust "others" started to come as a result.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
I found that by going out of my comfort zone, I learned to rely on and trust others. A good way to practice going out of your comfort zone is to volunteer for service.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
I did a word search in the Big Book. I understand "Try Really Using Step Three," so it looks like the piece I struggle with is in trusting others rather than the God of my understanding. Still seeking approval of others rather than trusting God, apparently... There's no call to trust others, but to be trustworthy myself....
1.... trust. 12&12 Step Three, p.37 Besides, we think, there is no one we can surely trust.
2.... trust. 12&12 Step Twelve, p.111 By a great deal of ardent Twelfth Step work we sometimes carry the message to so many alcoholics that they place us in a position of trust.
3.... trust had been broken. 12&12 Tradition Twelve, p.185 The aggrieved victim would then rightly declare that his trust had been broken.
4.... trust in God and clean house. BB Working With Others, p.98 The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.
5.... trust infinite God rather than our finite ... BB How It Works, p.68 We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves.
6.... trust their God. BB How It Works, p.68 They trust their God.
7.... trust, to God's will. 12&12 Step Three, p.40 All of the Twelve Steps require sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will.
8.... trust upon a motor to keep the ... 12&12 Step Three, p.36 Ask the polio sufferer confined to an iron lung who depends with complete trust upon a motor to keep the breath of life in him.
1.... trust. 12&12 Step Three, p.37 Besides, we think, there is no one we can surely trust.
2.... trust. 12&12 Step Twelve, p.111 By a great deal of ardent Twelfth Step work we sometimes carry the message to so many alcoholics that they place us in a position of trust.
3.... trust had been broken. 12&12 Tradition Twelve, p.185 The aggrieved victim would then rightly declare that his trust had been broken.
4.... trust in God and clean house. BB Working With Others, p.98 The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.
5.... trust infinite God rather than our finite ... BB How It Works, p.68 We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves.
6.... trust their God. BB How It Works, p.68 They trust their God.
7.... trust, to God's will. 12&12 Step Three, p.40 All of the Twelve Steps require sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will.
8.... trust upon a motor to keep the ... 12&12 Step Three, p.36 Ask the polio sufferer confined to an iron lung who depends with complete trust upon a motor to keep the breath of life in him.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
I like Andantes, answer, even though it's a normal question and I could answer I don't trust anyone, it goes a lot deeper and begs the question, trust people with what, with my confidences, my money?
Do I rely on people? I try not to as much as I can.
It sort of comes back to the part in the big book which I must say is my favourite, about running the show , being in control, I am not in control of myself, much less others .
it's an interesting question and has got me thinking about people's expectations of me and how I am judged if I don't live up to the expectations and the fear of these judgements. Four years sober and I can honestly say the fear of these judgements is leaving me, as an aside living a sober life , I tend to be way more responsible and therefore less likely to "let people down", but I care less.
CaiHong
Do I rely on people? I try not to as much as I can.
It sort of comes back to the part in the big book which I must say is my favourite, about running the show , being in control, I am not in control of myself, much less others .
it's an interesting question and has got me thinking about people's expectations of me and how I am judged if I don't live up to the expectations and the fear of these judgements. Four years sober and I can honestly say the fear of these judgements is leaving me, as an aside living a sober life , I tend to be way more responsible and therefore less likely to "let people down", but I care less.
CaiHong
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 600
Originally Posted by skg 
Experience, please?
How do YOU develop trust toward other people?
How do YOU develop trust toward other people?
Learning how to trust my sponsor, learning how to trust God, and learning how to trust myself....that all helped with trusting other people. I can see other people more clearly now.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
when it comes to trusting others,here is what I do and it works.
first off,I am to trust and rely in God,when I do that,I have no problem trusting others ,generally speaking.
Of course there are certain situations which are exceptions,I will not get into now.
If we are to trust others,why shouldn`t we give them something to trust them with?
bottom line,if I will not trust or rely in God,all the other stuff is mute
first off,I am to trust and rely in God,when I do that,I have no problem trusting others ,generally speaking.
Of course there are certain situations which are exceptions,I will not get into now.
If we are to trust others,why shouldn`t we give them something to trust them with?
bottom line,if I will not trust or rely in God,all the other stuff is mute
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I used to believe that you should trust others until they show they can't be trusted. Didn't work out too well. Lost a lot of time and stuff with this approach. Then a friend told me she trusts nobody until she got to know them. Not being a good judge of character, I still get burned, but not so much. If someone keeps asking for stuff and you say no several times, and they stay friendly; now that person you can trust. John
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
For me trust issues equal control issues. I won't share this with you because I cannot control how you will react, therefore I will keep it to myself, I don't trust you to react the way I think you should.
Trust started with my sponsor and his encouragement to develop my own relationship with God. He told me right at the start that people have feet of clay, they are fallible. Best advice I ever received.
Now I trust people until proven otherwise. I leave the outcome of my decisions in placing trust in Gods hands, I know he will never let me down. When something goes wrong, I look for the lesson he wants me to learn.
It doesn't mean I blindly trust people who have let me down before. If there is no contrition on their part, I do not place myself in a position where they could harm me again. I forgive, but there can be no restoration of the former trust.
What I trust people with has changed too. My drinking secrets are old news. I've made amends, cleaned up the past to the best of my ability and there is nothing out their that could harm me in anyway. My past has become useful in helping others.
Today it is about the welfare of my family, finance and business interests etc where I have to make decisions on who I should or shouldn't trust. There is nothing in my past that can harm me today, and I make sure through my daily program of living that any mistakes I do make are put right quickly befoe they need to become secrets no one can be trusted with.
Trust started with my sponsor and his encouragement to develop my own relationship with God. He told me right at the start that people have feet of clay, they are fallible. Best advice I ever received.
Now I trust people until proven otherwise. I leave the outcome of my decisions in placing trust in Gods hands, I know he will never let me down. When something goes wrong, I look for the lesson he wants me to learn.
It doesn't mean I blindly trust people who have let me down before. If there is no contrition on their part, I do not place myself in a position where they could harm me again. I forgive, but there can be no restoration of the former trust.
What I trust people with has changed too. My drinking secrets are old news. I've made amends, cleaned up the past to the best of my ability and there is nothing out their that could harm me in anyway. My past has become useful in helping others.
Today it is about the welfare of my family, finance and business interests etc where I have to make decisions on who I should or shouldn't trust. There is nothing in my past that can harm me today, and I make sure through my daily program of living that any mistakes I do make are put right quickly befoe they need to become secrets no one can be trusted with.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 69
When I was in rehab I told my counselor that I had trust issues. After a little while it dawned on me that I did not have trust issues. If I did have trust issues I would not have did things like share needles with people or inject untested substances in my body that I purchased from gang members with nick names like Screwdriver and Ape Train.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
actually: by developing more trust in myself.
trusting myself means i know i will be okay. it relieves me of what gottalife put like this so well: For me trust issues equal control issues. I won't share this with you because I cannot control how you will react, therefore I will keep it to myself, I don't trust you to react the way I think you should.
when i trust myself and am solid, i don't have need to try and control others' responses.
trusting myself means i know i will be okay. it relieves me of what gottalife put like this so well: For me trust issues equal control issues. I won't share this with you because I cannot control how you will react, therefore I will keep it to myself, I don't trust you to react the way I think you should.
when i trust myself and am solid, i don't have need to try and control others' responses.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Thank you for the replies--I appreciate the perspectives. The ones that ring true in my heart seem to be those who put more reliance on God's Grace. "More of Him, less of me," as John the Baptist said. I tend to evaluate His Will, still, and when I do that the fear seeps in. Still looking out for #2 more than necessary...
Thanks, folks.
Thanks, folks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Like fini said, trusting myself first is most important in trusting others. I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. Everybody has had their experiences, but unfortunately being open to helping others often leads to problems. That's just the way it is. I knew someone who spent most of her life helping others. She was truly a great person. She believed and only focused on the good in people. She would continue to help people even though they were definitely taking advantage of her, because she had a big heart. I understand that in the ideal world, people should just be open to helping others and not expect anything in return. The reality is that people want to know their efforts count and are appreciated. Sadly, she died alone. The people she helped simply moved on to other people that could take her place. A guy I knew at an AA meeting I haven't seen for a while was really pi##ed off because he didn't seen me for a while. He didn't care how I was doing, but was upset because I wasn't around to give him this and that. Reality can suck sometimes. Protect your sobriety at all costs. John
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Hi, John, and thanks. Yeah, there's always the 'pearls before swine,' thing, but I am promised to be cared for when I'm in His hands. When I insert SELF into any situation, I'm going to watch out for my investment--and thus take command of the outcome. For ME, and I can only speak for me, it's BECAUSE of God and His Grace/Mercy that I'm alive and sober. A redemptive life (for me) is the best course considering my track record--and predisposition for self-indulgence.
I'm wary, but willing to Trust God. All others require trust but verification.
At least, that's where I am at this moment. Things could change as they often do... Thanks again, everyone.
I'm wary, but willing to Trust God. All others require trust but verification.
At least, that's where I am at this moment. Things could change as they often do... Thanks again, everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
skg. I really appreciate what you shared on your last post. I was raised in a religious situation, and in some ways still believe in that. I do believe that what we do now affects how things will be in the afterlife. I don't do things to help others with that in mind. That judgement is beyond my control. I help others because that is just the right thing to do. To me, it's just a no-brainer. To help people that are struggling just makes senses to me. I mean, why are we here if not to help others. Unfortunately, I have learned the hard way that this philosophy doesn't always fit well with reality. Sad really, because I'd be willing to help anybody at the meetings I go to, but being taken advantage of so many times;, I figure enough is enough. Not looking for payback or anything like that. I think it's more about attitude than anything else.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Yep. The aa rooms are full of scoundrels, liars, cheats, and con-artists.
Just like me--to varying degrees. I can recognize me in them, so I'm naturally skeptical. God didn't take me this far to drop me on my head and kick dung in my face--He saved me from allowing myself that luxury. I'd just say, don't mistake Performance-Based Religion with a Grace-Based Relationship.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Thanks again--peaceness!
Just like me--to varying degrees. I can recognize me in them, so I'm naturally skeptical. God didn't take me this far to drop me on my head and kick dung in my face--He saved me from allowing myself that luxury. I'd just say, don't mistake Performance-Based Religion with a Grace-Based Relationship.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Thanks again--peaceness!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by skg
Yep. The aa rooms are full of scoundrels, liars, cheats, and con-artists.
Just like me--to varying degrees. I can recognize me in them, so I'm naturally skeptical. God didn't take me this far to drop me on my head and kick dung in my face--He saved me from allowing myself that luxury. I'd just say, don't mistake Performance-Based Religion with a Grace-Based Relationship.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Thanks again--peaceness!
Just like me--to varying degrees. I can recognize me in them, so I'm naturally skeptical. God didn't take me this far to drop me on my head and kick dung in my face--He saved me from allowing myself that luxury. I'd just say, don't mistake Performance-Based Religion with a Grace-Based Relationship.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Thanks again--peaceness!
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