Recovery999

I hate people. I'm in the worst emotional pain I've been in in almost twenty years and no one can be bothered to text me back. This is friendship-ending bad.

Dee74

I don't know whether your friends are busy or not, but with good friends I'd give them the benefit of the doubt

D

JimdiGriz

Hows it going? I'm in the UK so it's the next morning for me.
Did you get anything resolved recovery?
Sending a virtual hug

Recovery999

They're okay friends. In this day and age, I find it hard to believe that someone does not look at their phone at all, whatsoever, for 8 hours. Most likely the guy was off drinking somewhere so yeah, there's that. I went out of my way to go to meetings with him once a week for several months too. But it's not as "fun" to be sober (he's in his 50s too...)

Things are the same this morning. I'm just so relieved that I don't have to go to work.

JimdiGriz

Hey that's good. I try to focus on what's going right, even whilst I panic about what I feel Is going wrong.
How are you planning to spend your day?

Recovery999

Exercise, mostly. And I have some cleaning to do. I will download some of my favorite TV shows at the park so I have something to watch. Meeting at 8PM tonight. Maybe I will drive into the city for a meeting at noon? It's about 20 minutes but may be worth it (even though I always get lost!)

Dee74

Sounds like a good plan for the day Recovery

D

Recovery999

The exercise part is taken to the extreme, but I suppose I could have worse problems.

paul99

Where is your HP in all this? Have you invited your HP into this pain you feel? I sometimes get relief through prayer or meditation and even writing things down and putting in God box.

I am in the middle of my 4th, as there is much there. I shared my resentments and have fears coming up in a day or two. Guess what - my fears have been eating me up lately! I know that I will get some needed relief once I share them with my step-sponsor. I will find some clarity. So I agree that sitting on a 4th does tend to keep us in the problem and not the solution.

Glad you made it through the day and are keeping recovery at top of mind. Situations are rarely the way we perceive them

Recovery999

I feel like God is ignoring me like everyone else. I pray all the time, I've done the God box thing with my eating disorder. I've gotten down on my hands and knees and begged God to help me. I did so last night. I just feel like God has checked out on me at this point tbh.

paul99

I sometimes think that God is not there, but that's because I have an expectation of what He should or can be doing. But I am not God (tried to play that role before, and it didn't work out so well!), so I don't know what He has planned for me. All I know is that reaching out to Him and inviting Him into my life, both when things are going well or not, I have a sense of comfort knowing that things will unfold the way they are meant to be. Whether I like it or not

It sounds all ethereal and all, but having faith that where I am at is exactly where I need to be brings me some comfort.

I hope you find some comfort as well, even if circumstances aren't good.

Recovery999

I called the monestary to do my 5th step. She took the message and said they'd call back sometime next week.

Turtle82

Recovery999... my heart goes out to you and I wish I could help. I know for certain that if I were in your shoes at this point, I would be looking for what I am to learn from all this... inside... not outside. God bless. I hope this all passes gently. (((hugs)))

Recovery999

Trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be learning from all of this is maddening. I honestly do not know. All I keep doing is coming back to the parts that are my fault and how I wouldn't allow those to happen in the future.

paul99

It's important and healthy to see our shortcomings and to learn from them, but it's unhealthy to reside there and only focus on the wrong doings. The point of the inventory is to get clarity, not to thrash ourselves. I know I spent enough time in self-pity and feelings of being unworthy, or how "bad" I was!

Glad you have an appointment to start your 5th and get clear of a lot of things and get some fresh perspective

tomsteve

Reads like a lot of emotional turmoil, something I can remember in early recovery. It was a bugger. One thing I did as was suggested to me, and I strongly suggest it to you, is pick up the big book, open it, and read. This is serious business so I suggest ya put your recovery ahead of television and working out, pick up the big book and start reading. Get to a meeting, call your sponsor.
Im glad to read ya did a fourth step( did you do a fear and sex inventory?) but there's nothing wrong with going back a few steps. Right now I'm thinkin ha may want to start reading in " how it works" right after
C) that God could and would if He were sought.

Recovery999

I have almost twelve years sober, but I'm basically on day one of recovery in OA. So, in that sense, I'm new to recovery.

Meeting at 8! I've never looked so forward to a meeting before!

Recovery999

Last night's meeting was awesome. I was chatting with a man who has almost 43 years of sobriety, whose sponsor has almost 60! I love AA. Our newcomer also identified as an alcoholic for the first time, which for some reason made me feel happy/proud for him.

Dee74

good stuff recovery

D