Do what you say and say what your mean!

[Prepjackie]

Last week I went out of state to visit my sister and we went and visited another group and I don't even know if I should mention the group I went to because it is so small, but while I was there that whole hour I was flabber-gastted and insulted.

First of all the chairperson started the meeting 15 minutes late, thats okay, but then after that, he turned and continued to have the one on one conversation he was having with the other member prior to the meeting.

As everyone (all 5) of us could hear in detail, the events of his "war stories" and how vulgar his privates were exposed, I was getting hotter and hotter. Over and over and over, this man was very proud of his manly hood and was not ashamed of it and wanted eveyone of us to know it.........

Finally, .......after another 15 minutes of him going on and on of his escapdes I had to bring this meeting about face, for me. I asked this chairperson if this was going to be tied into experience, strenght and hope ? I told this person not everyone is in love with his manly-hood as much as he and mabye for the sake of the meeting he could keep the vulgarity down!! I wasn't taking his inventory, I was just going to a meeting and by God if he can't chair it, then I will. He looked me in the eye like I kicked him in the stomach, and his whole attitude changed. From then on he had alot of good stuff to say. Come to find out he has almost 10 years and I barely have over 2 years.

But I feel that he is a fake, a camelion. Be you who are all the time, not just some of the time. When you find sobriety and your living clean and sober , you don't do the things you use to do and that man was doing the things he use to do. How can that be sobriety??

Prepjackie

[Dan]

We meet a lot of different people in the rooms don't we?
Some I can relate to immediately, some I can't. But rarely have I wanted to judge another member's sobriety. It may be a temptation to do so at times. But it's been suggested to me that if I focus on the differences I have with those I don't immediately relate to, I might just miss the gift they have to offer, even if it is hidden under a less than tasteful cover.

[Gutterdrunk]

Hey Prep,

His soberiety, is his soberiety, and like DD said, it is easy to miss the gift when it is hidden under a "less then tasteful cover"

However, It does take courage to raise your hand and refocus someone. Once or twice I've done it, usually when I can sense that there are other people, newcomers especially, who are tuning them out.I think that responsibility lies with the secretary, or the chair, but, most of us are reluctant to interupt someones sharing.

I think that only you know if you spoke out in appropratly, or rudly, and you can always make an amends if needed.

I find that when someone starts to tork me off like that, that I need to really pay attention, because I will miss something.

[3legacy]

((((((PrepJackie)))))))
Accountability is good for all of us, no matter the amount of time we have. Principles themselves are the yardstick from what I understand. I'm grateful you felt comfortable enough while visiting to politely express yourself. I attended a few meetings that were listed as AA meetings in local paper and even in the AA Western States Directory when I first moved to town here. Only to find that they resembled A.A., as I was aware of it, very little if at all. After 4 or five drug-a-logues without a mention of the Solution, I raised my hand and asked if anyone attending might know where I could find an A.A. meeting.

After taking some heat from well meaning but obviously ignorant newbies there to get their court slip signed, I was given the number of an AA oldtimer these folks with ulterior motives had been proud to have run off from THEIR meeting a few months earlier.

I see many of those same folks popping back in and out in and out. Some get a few months and even an occassional year clean here and there. But the real Joy is the oldtimer coming back and becoming a part of a real and functioning AA Home Group once again.

((((((((((PrepJackie)))))))) thanks for the reminder that it is OK to share from the heart even if others may take offense.

Three Legs

[Sandy Marie]

As everyone (all 5) of us could hear in detail, the events of his "war stories" and how vulgar his privates were exposed, I was getting hotter and hotter. Over and over and over, this man was very proud of his manly hood and was not ashamed of it and wanted eveyone of us to know it.........

Hi Prepjackie,
It sounds like he was really obsessing. I'm sure it caught you completely off guard and you went into survival mode. You were a captive audience.
Sorry you had to go through that. I would've been squirming too.
Sandy