Notices

Realizing Selfishness

Old 03-26-2015, 06:53 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
Realizing Selfishness

I have had quite a week, beating down the wine witch, telling the demon voice to leave me alone, and at the same time moments of alert joy, gratitude, and peace - oh and lots of reading, in the Big Book and on websites...even at work....

Lots of new ways to think of things too. There seems to be a lot of references to selfishness in the Big Book. I have to admit that the first few times I came across the concept I thought to myself, "well, that's not my problem with all the stuff I do for other people" but then my understanding started to change. Another concept that is repeated often is "Your will be done, not mine" As I thought about this, it came to me that unless I am doing things for other people without any attachment or expectation of an outcome, the action is from a selfish place. I am manipulating in order to contrive an outcome. This is selfishness. If I am worried about the outcome, to the point that I am praying for the outcome, then it is selfish. I always thought that selfishness was procuring something for myself using resources that could be shared, but I came to realize it is also selfish for me to keep a resource (myself) away from God's use because I am distracted by worry, or striving and using energy for my own ends. To be unselfish is to let the world happen and let God use me for His work, without my own manipulation.

These are early days for me, and the gears in my brain are just starting to turn.... I never thought of worry and self-pity as selfish, but I can see where they can be that.

Last edited by rosalia; 03-26-2015 at 06:54 PM. Reason: grammar
rosalia is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 10:51 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
paulokes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Congrats Rosalia...I've always found its a rabbit hole the more you look the more you see

Stay the course, I'm sure it will be worthwhile.

P
paulokes is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 11:37 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Laozi Old Man
 
Boleo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by rosalia View Post
As I thought about this, it came to me that unless I am doing things for other people without any attachment or expectation of an outcome, the action is from a selfish place. I am manipulating in order to contrive an outcome. This is selfishness. If I am worried about the outcome, to the point that I am praying for the outcome, then it is selfish.
"Detachment is the highest of all principles. The noblest of all virtues and the only truly unselfish motive for doing anything.

If you need a reason to love - you have already sinned."


(Mester Eckhart)
Boleo is offline  
Old 03-27-2015, 04:51 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
CaiHong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Nice post Rosalia,
One of my favourite sayings is "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". Same as you I Thought selfishness was not my problem, today I have a better understanding of what that means.
All the very best on your journey. You sound good

CaiHong
CaiHong is offline  
Old 03-29-2015, 09:25 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Sober Alcoholic
 
Turtle82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: northern AZ
Posts: 796
Personally, I wouldn't get too far into that "selfishness" thing intellectually. It can be a real slippery slope doing quite a number on a person's head especially if they come out of abuse which so many of us have. There's a huge difference between the egocentric selfishness usually being addressed in the BB and normal, healthy, self-love. My God wants me to love myself as He does as well as His other children to the best of my ability and does not want me harming them nor allowing them to harm me. Example: Going "no contact" can get to be one confusing mess mentally and emotionally if one sits in judgement of themselves as "selfish" for having to take that measure. I try to handle the subject in terms of what's healthy only because I know how susceptible I am to spinning almost any subject intellectually. I look at motivation toward health... peace and serenity being primary to that.
Turtle82 is offline  
Old 03-29-2015, 02:40 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
*Grateful*
 
Lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
That is so awesome! I was the biggest control freak thinking I was always "helping". I was dishonest constantly trying to make myself look better in front of others, I was full of self pity and I carried around many resentments. So thankful that God is showing you these things. I remember the day it dawned on me that I was a fake, and how I just needed to TRUST in God, he would allow things to unfold as he willed. I also remember that my "need to know" everything was plain old nosiness. Today I love to know LESS about others lives. Welcome to recovery and I am excited to hear what else is revealed to you!
Lily is offline  
Old 03-30-2015, 10:07 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
It is very helpful reading all these posts, as everyone puts perspective into my thought process. I have had bouts of abstinence before, but not sobriety, and it is becoming apparent to me that these are not the same thing at all. Kind of like how spirituality and religion are not the same thing. As I sat in an open AA meeting yesterday morning, and listened to the speaker, my inner voice was telling me how much I want that - peace and contentment and a feeling of purpose and belonging. First though, I have to allow myself to heal and learn.
rosalia is offline  
Old 03-30-2015, 12:55 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
GracieLou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by rosalia View Post
First though, I have to allow myself to heal and learn.
and that is why it is called a journey and not a destination. There is no "place" to get to. Sobriety, for me, is always changing and growing.

As long as I remember HOW: Honesty, Openminded & Willing, I will keep moving forward.
GracieLou is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:30 PM.