Della1968

I wish I could thank the last two posts more than once.

michaelg

I think what the OP is describing goes beyond the typical trepidation of the ripe alcoholic walking into their first meeting. It sounds like clinical anxiety. Which I am all too familiar with. It's paralyzing at times.

My experience strength and hope for you Mattea is that I suffered anxiety and panic as well. For decades before walking into the rooms. Combine that and the withdrawals I was having and I felt like I was going to implode in that first series of meetings. However, it was attending those meetings and eventually coming to talk in them that has been the best medicine for my anxiety. Now they can't shut me up.

I never have had anything help me as much with anxiety, specifically social anxiety, in all my life. Taken together with a formal meditation practice everyday and it's virtually non-existent any more. No drugs, no booze, no meds, virtually no anxiety. There is a little that pokes it's head out now and again but I am grateful for it. Reminds me of how far I have come. And how far down I can go should I let up on this spiritual fitness I'm cultivating through the fellowship and prayer/meditation.

All my thoughts are with you. And I hope you get to that first meeting. Because it will be the beginning of a new life you would have never thought possible before. Truly amazing.

Pagekeeper

Mattea, you could try calling the AA hotline and explaining your situation. An AA member may be willing to come to you and just talk so that you feel more comfortable and know someone at the meeting.

Just google AA in your area and you should find a number.