More 12th step disagreements......

[1Marty]

Basically my sponsor and I disagree about the 12th step. I have resentments against him, and if his opinion is true, the whole AA program. He feels I MUST work with another alcoholic in a sponser/sponsee role NOW! He points out that the big book says I must (on page 14/15). He says I am ready. I feel very not ready to assume that role. My sponsor is very very by the book. Every conversation I have with him, he is always quoting off page numbers to me. Kind of driving me crazy. I feel that I can be helpful by just chatting with people before/after meetings, offering my phone number, doing service work, and just being at tables when people need me. Others have told me that God does not expect everyone to be a sponsor. My question is can I still work a successful program without having a sponsee now? Is 12th step work only about working with a sponsee? Do we have to follow the big book exactly as written in order to stay sober? Thanks everyone, recovery is just really stressing me right now!

[3legacy]

Yes, and No. But why shortchange yourself and another alcoholic? Just wondering what your real trepidation is in intensive work with another alcoholic?

[Patsyd1]

Originally Posted by 1Marty

Basically my sponsor and I disagree about the 12th step. I have resentments against him, and if his opinion is true, the whole AA program. He feels I MUST work with another alcoholic in a sponser/sponsee role NOW! He points out that the big book says I must (on page 14/15). He says I am ready. I feel very not ready to assume that role. My sponsor is very very by the book. Every conversation I have with him, he is always quoting off page numbers to me. Kind of driving me crazy. I feel that I can be helpful by just chatting with people before/after meetings, offering my phone number, doing service work, and just being at tables when people need me. Others have told me that God does not expect everyone to be a sponsor. My question is can I still work a successful program without having a sponsee now? Is 12th step work only about working with a sponsee? Do we have to follow the big book exactly as written in order to stay sober? Thanks everyone, recovery is just really stressing me right now!

Marty, easy does it.

Step Twelve:
"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

A sponsor is there to guide you through the 12 Steps, and your sponsor has done that. Step 12 is about working with other alcoholics, whether its coming to a meeting, setting up the meeting, making the coffee, talking with another alcoholic after the meeting, on the phone, cleaning up after the meeting, going on commitments, speaking from the podium, giving a newcomer or other member of AA, a ride to the meeting and home. WE carry the message of HOPE, and being of service in any capacity that we can, to carry the message to other alcoholics who may or may not be still suffering.... IS 12 Step work.

Intense work with another alcoholic can mean that we spend hours talking with a newcomer on the phone, and simply helping one another to stay sober and not pick up that sucker first drink. If you have ever shared with a newcomer, this is intense work.

Marty, you are DOING 12 Step work, sponsoring is 12 Step work and so is all of the above When you are ready to sponsor someone, God will put that person right in your life, and you will know who they are, they will ask you to sponsor them.

My question is can I still work a successful program without having a sponsee now?

Yes you can, God is running the show Marty, and He will put a newcomer right in your life in HIS time, not yours or your sponsors time.


Is 12th step work only about working with a sponsee?

No, 12 Step work is not ONLY working with a sponsee.



Marty...... Page 14 and 15 in the Big Book is Bill W. sharing his spiritual awakening, and if you read the top of page 14.... it shares who we MUST turn to in all things..... "To the Father of Light who presides over us all."

Marty, your sponsor is not God, and he isn't here to make you do or not do ANYTHING. If we have turned our will "our thinking" and our lives "our actions" over the care of God, as we understand God, then we take all matters great and small to HIM who presides over us all. And that ought include your sponsor God speaks through people Marty, and there are alcoholics to share with, to carry the message to, and to hear the message from.... and your sponsor is just one alky who is helping another, so that he can stay sober for one more day.

Having shared that, Sponsoring and being sponsored... is beautiful 12 Step work

Page 13 &14 in the Big Book:
"My friend promised when these things were done I
would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator;
that I would have the elements of a way of living which
answered all my problems. Belief in the power of
God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility
to establish and maintain the new order of things, were
the essential requirements.
Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant
destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things
to the Father of Light who presides over us all."

Bottom of page 14: in the Big Book:
"While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there
were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad
to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could
help some of them. They in turn might work with others.
My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of
demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly
was it imperative to work with others as he
had worked with me. Faith without works was dead,
he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic!"

Page 14 & 15 in the Big Book:
"For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he
could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If
he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he
drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed.
With us it is just like that."


Page 15 in the Big Book:
"I was not too well at the time, and was
plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes
nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found
that when all other measure failed, work with another
alcoholic would save the day. Many times I have gone to
my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I
would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a
design for living that works in rough going."

Bottom of Page 15 & 16 in the Big Book:
"We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek. At these informal gatherings one may often see
from 50 to 200 persons. We are growing in numbers and power."

Page 16 in the Big Book:
"Most of us feel we need look no further for Utopia. We
have it with us right here and now. Each day my friend's
simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening
circle of peace on earth and good will to men."

[1Marty]

Originally Posted by Patsyd1

,
When you are ready to sponsor someone, God will put that person right in your life, and you will know who they are, they will ask you to sponsor them.

Patsy thanks! What you said above really helps make it clear to me.

[MootPoint]

Marty, don't let that resentment linger..... you know its the way back Out!

[best]

Marty


ditto to Patsyd1 and mootpoint's posts.


Good stuff they posted

[1Marty]

I actually felt very dis-connected from the program all week. The thought actually came to mind that I should try a drink - just to see how it feels. So I got to a meeting today. Topic at the table just happened to be step 12. I shared my thoughts. And I found ACCEPTANCE!!!! Others accepted my 12 step thoughts. I no longer felt alone in my feelings. I just realized that I have not practiced acceptance all week long. So resentments built up and they almost led me to drink again. Its a great reminder that we have to accept ourselves for what we are, and let our higher power guide us when we are unsure or uncomfortable.

[Patsyd1]

Originally Posted by 1Marty

I actually felt very dis-connected from the program all week. The thought actually came to mind that I should try a drink - just to see how it feels. So I got to a meeting today. Topic at the table just happened to be step 12. I shared my thoughts. And I found ACCEPTANCE!!!! Others accepted my 12 step thoughts. I no longer felt alone in my feelings. I just realized that I have not practiced acceptance all week long. So resentments built up and they almost led me to drink again. Its a great reminder that we have to accept ourselves for what we are, and let our higher power guide us when we are unsure or uncomfortable.

Glad to hear it Marty, thats great

[HarryH]

1Marty I am so glad you posted this on 12th step work. I have been through the process of the 12 Steps myself and have been on the other side now for 10 months. I hear a lot of members talk about their sponsor asking them if they would be willing to sponsor somebody after they have been through the process. And the answer of course is yes.

My own sponsor had just suggested to me that the idea is to sponsor somebody in the future,he didn't say when in the future. He did say that it is about others, and suggested for me to get involved into service work. And I feel the way that Patsy has explained it. This is between me and God, and He will know when I am ready to sponsor someone and He will put someone into my life. God hasn't failed me. Meanwhile I do what service work I can, as mentioned in all above, all of which is working the 12th Step.

As it was explained to me, be willing to help a newcomer in anyway I can, and to give them my phone number and let them know, that if they need help, that I will be there and try to do the best I can.

"Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety." The last sentence in the Preamble.

I remain teachable, for there is still so much more to learn.

God Bless,

Harry