drank again
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
That's a rough one, my friend. Cunning. Baffling. Powerful. The reality of alcoholism, I think, is that we are all eligible for returning to drinking. A mental obsession looks a whole lot like 'bored, irritated, flat, and dull.' Or it can look like, 'I'm good, all is well, lovin' life,' etc.
I'm a huge believer in the actions I do every day to keep me connected to a higher power.
I'm a huge believer in the actions I do every day to keep me connected to a higher power.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Apology to Yeahgr8.
I want to retract my post.
I read back over your posts and really, they are not questionable.
My reply to your post was shortsighted and unhelpful.
I am sorry if I caused any offense.
I would question the Champix. Any medication, that affects mood/mind/brain chemistry, in my opinion, can affect our defense against that first drink.
Also, trying to quit smoking would be an extra stressor.
I myself really want to quit smoking but feel I am not able to handle the stress of it at the moment.
Again, my apologies Yeagr8, you are a good contributor to SR and I enjoy your posts.
Anne
I want to retract my post.
I read back over your posts and really, they are not questionable.
My reply to your post was shortsighted and unhelpful.
I am sorry if I caused any offense.
I would question the Champix. Any medication, that affects mood/mind/brain chemistry, in my opinion, can affect our defense against that first drink.
Also, trying to quit smoking would be an extra stressor.
I myself really want to quit smoking but feel I am not able to handle the stress of it at the moment.
Again, my apologies Yeagr8, you are a good contributor to SR and I enjoy your posts.
Anne
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by yeahgr8 
I have got all the bases covered when there is hardship or life problems but have got caught out on the time when things are going well again.
I will be much more vigilant from now on and have a firm commitment that i want to remain abstinent. I am going to start doing all the things i have been procrastinating on for a number of years now too. I have been using sobriety as an excuse to not have to do much and haven't changed as much as i want/need to!
It's pretty amazing that i would have taken that risk though considering where i came from, humility has knocked hard on my door!
I will be much more vigilant from now on and have a firm commitment that i want to remain abstinent. I am going to start doing all the things i have been procrastinating on for a number of years now too. I have been using sobriety as an excuse to not have to do much and haven't changed as much as i want/need to!
It's pretty amazing that i would have taken that risk though considering where i came from, humility has knocked hard on my door!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by Hollyanne
Apology to Yeahgr8.
I want to retract my post.
I read back over your posts and really, they are not questionable.
My reply to your post was shortsighted and unhelpful.
I am sorry if I caused any offense.
I would question the Champix. Any medication, that affects mood/mind/brain chemistry, in my opinion, can affect our defense against that first drink.
Also, trying to quit smoking would be an extra stressor.
I myself really want to quit smoking but feel I am not able to handle the stress of it at the moment.
Again, my apologies Yeagr8, you are a good contributor to SR and I enjoy your posts.
Anne
I want to retract my post.
I read back over your posts and really, they are not questionable.
My reply to your post was shortsighted and unhelpful.
I am sorry if I caused any offense.
I would question the Champix. Any medication, that affects mood/mind/brain chemistry, in my opinion, can affect our defense against that first drink.
Also, trying to quit smoking would be an extra stressor.
I myself really want to quit smoking but feel I am not able to handle the stress of it at the moment.
Again, my apologies Yeagr8, you are a good contributor to SR and I enjoy your posts.
Anne
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
Sorry things went pear shaped for you there. But I too am glad that you are back, and that you are honest about this. I think what you did was not only helpful for yourself now, but helpful to many of us - a reminder that not standing on guard can bring us down. Park any shame, guilt and remorse over this - those are the friends of our ego / alcoholism. Stay in the pack
Good reminder to get my own arse to a meeting too!
Nice to see you here again.
Good reminder to get my own arse to a meeting too!
Nice to see you here again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Thankyou for sharing, it got me thinking, in fact it got me thinking what if I took a drink like year8 what would be the harm, just to see how I would feel drinking after 3 years. In the end I really didn't want to risk it and get back on that merry go round. What I found was perhaps I was getting too cocky, thinking that the thought of a drink would never enter my mind again.
CaiHong
CaiHong
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
Yes caihong, exactly what I was thinking. Early in my sobriety I heard a similar story from someone that had ten years. He went out after a golf league and had a few beers, unfortunately things spiraled out of control and got a DUI. I heard his story at outpatient treatment and the worst part is that he felt things were much worse and very hard to maintain sobriety this time. I think that is why it is a called a progressive disease.
It taught me a valuable lesson - Never take sobriety for granted! As other said it is cunning in a subtle way.
Dave
It taught me a valuable lesson - Never take sobriety for granted! As other said it is cunning in a subtle way.
Dave
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by keithj
That's a rough one, my friend. Cunning. Baffling. Powerful. The reality of alcoholism, I think, is that we are all eligible for returning to drinking. A mental obsession looks a whole lot like 'bored, irritated, flat, and dull.' Or it can look like, 'I'm good, all is well, lovin' life,' etc.
I'm a huge believer in the actions I do every day to keep me connected to a higher power.
I'm a huge believer in the actions I do every day to keep me connected to a higher power.
glad you are OK yeahgr8!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
I'm just speculating here but I'd say yeahgr8 is going to be ok. I came to AA off the street and have never drank since that day....thanks be to God. I've seen people go out and come back before and I've never heard any of them say, "boy it was so much better" or "I'm sure glad I drank again". More often than not, people who go back out, don't come back either because they couldn't, or wouldn't. Couldn't because they were hooked up again or dead, or because the wouldn't deal with what they perceived as judgmental attitudes and remarks from people that their ego just wouldn't permit. Humility is the key here. My own son got hooked on Vicodin after 19 years sober. He and I talked and I told him he was back at day one and needed to start over.....all over. Get honest with God, himself and other human beings...(fifth step). He did, and he's still sober after 4 years. God bless you yeahgr8. You have another chance.
PS..you have no idea how many people you may touch with your message. Things happen for a reason.
PS..you have no idea how many people you may touch with your message. Things happen for a reason.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
I'm all for heartily welcoming back those who go out. I'm also all supportive for those who expect to be welcomed back. We're family of a sort, yeah?!
Having said the above...
I don't for a second believe a sober drunk can go from sobriety to drinking without wanting to go there, planning to go there, and feeling justified that they again have a drink in hand. Speaking for myself, I tried for like 6 years to quit for good my alcoholic drinking. Following many failures in those 6 years, I finally stayed quit age 24 and stayed sober more than 33 years now. This is my experience.
Obviously inside of my 33 years have been times I could have gone out. Any day of those thousands of days of sobriety was as good as any other to go out and have myself a drink or two... or three and so on and whatever.
I can't tell you how disappointed I am in the idea that always floats up to the top as a consensus that we must keep a vigilance or else our alcoholism will ruin our sobriety, that somehow we missed the mark, that somehow **** happens with alcoholism, and drinking is always something which must be avoided at all costs no matter what yada, yada, yada.
I did keep vigilance for those early years as I morphed my lifestyle from street existence to living back in and with society. After a time though, vigilance becomes its own kind of slavery, and so I quit being vigilant on staying sober as a remedy to my alcoholism. What is the point of being sober and at the same time being concerned about future drinking?
There are sober contributors to this thread I deeply respect. There are also some contributors I have come to realize will themselves eventually go back out sooner or later. So be it. Not everyone wants to be as free as they make it out for themselves, and they feel more themselves if they carry a burden on their backs as they tramp through their life journey. Ironically, freedom itself is a burden of sorts of course, since with freedom comes irrevocable responsibility and lasting consequences. All too often what people talk and what people walk is prejudiced against the very freedoms they claim with their brave 'sober' talk, imo. Actions speak louder than words in any language, yeah?
I'm glad you are back yeahgr8.
I feel sad for you on many levels nonetheless.
I don't for a second believe what you have said as your reasons for going out. I also don't support that just getting on with life is the best remedy going forward after dumping 5 years of not drinking for a night of drinking for whatever reasons were justified.
Well, there it is. I believe ongoing vigilance against future drinking causes more relapses and returns to drinking than does just eventually being done with alcoholism, and eventually moving on with a new life which does not burden itself with alcoholism.
I'm a recovered alcoholic drug addict. Nothing in being recovered requires me to be vigilant against what I have already recovered from goes without saying...
Having said the above...
I don't for a second believe a sober drunk can go from sobriety to drinking without wanting to go there, planning to go there, and feeling justified that they again have a drink in hand. Speaking for myself, I tried for like 6 years to quit for good my alcoholic drinking. Following many failures in those 6 years, I finally stayed quit age 24 and stayed sober more than 33 years now. This is my experience.
Obviously inside of my 33 years have been times I could have gone out. Any day of those thousands of days of sobriety was as good as any other to go out and have myself a drink or two... or three and so on and whatever.
I can't tell you how disappointed I am in the idea that always floats up to the top as a consensus that we must keep a vigilance or else our alcoholism will ruin our sobriety, that somehow we missed the mark, that somehow **** happens with alcoholism, and drinking is always something which must be avoided at all costs no matter what yada, yada, yada.
I did keep vigilance for those early years as I morphed my lifestyle from street existence to living back in and with society. After a time though, vigilance becomes its own kind of slavery, and so I quit being vigilant on staying sober as a remedy to my alcoholism. What is the point of being sober and at the same time being concerned about future drinking?
There are sober contributors to this thread I deeply respect. There are also some contributors I have come to realize will themselves eventually go back out sooner or later. So be it. Not everyone wants to be as free as they make it out for themselves, and they feel more themselves if they carry a burden on their backs as they tramp through their life journey. Ironically, freedom itself is a burden of sorts of course, since with freedom comes irrevocable responsibility and lasting consequences. All too often what people talk and what people walk is prejudiced against the very freedoms they claim with their brave 'sober' talk, imo. Actions speak louder than words in any language, yeah?
I'm glad you are back yeahgr8.
I feel sad for you on many levels nonetheless.
I don't for a second believe what you have said as your reasons for going out. I also don't support that just getting on with life is the best remedy going forward after dumping 5 years of not drinking for a night of drinking for whatever reasons were justified.
Well, there it is. I believe ongoing vigilance against future drinking causes more relapses and returns to drinking than does just eventually being done with alcoholism, and eventually moving on with a new life which does not burden itself with alcoholism.
I'm a recovered alcoholic drug addict. Nothing in being recovered requires me to be vigilant against what I have already recovered from goes without saying...
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
As always, interesting and thought-provoking post, Robby. I fall into that "don't become complacent and remain vigilant" group. I am almost 3 years sober and don't want to lose sobriety for all the tea in China. So far, I don't find the vigilance burdensome. I think that increased awareness of self and acceptance that alcohol has absolutely nothing to offer me has helped me a great deal; maybe it makes the vigilance less burdensome. When I think of vigilance, I think of 'thought processes' - do my thoughts and reactions have a balanced positivity (realism combined with hope) in the face of life's challenges; are the situations which cause stress something I can control or am I only capable of controlling my response; I believe my thought processes and reactions contributed in a large way to my alcoholism so my vigilance lies there.
When you moved past vigilance, where did you go or find yourself?
When you moved past vigilance, where did you go or find yourself?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
To get past my early vigilance, I importantly stopped looking at alcohol the drink itself, and more examined my alcoholism ie past drinking. This freed me of any ideations for future drinking as my efforts became eventually entirely focused on my past experiences with alcoholism. I would even do thought-experiments on how I could have avoided my actual alcoholism altogether if so and so hadn't happened, or conversely did happen, either way. These thoughtful re-examinations brought me to huge realizations of my limits as a person with or without alcohol in my life.
I think thinking about drinking is itself an alcoholic ideation, even if done as a way to a means of avoidance. Thinking about my actual alcoholism however has never caused me to want to drink. My experiences with past drinking almost took my life, and certainly destroyed my inner self to the point of being dead on the inside. When I contemplate such past realities and experiences, drinking is absolutely not on the menu. It took a lot of healing though to get me to the point of being able to walk my own talk with sobriety. Years in fact of hard work on myself.
Moving past the vigilance, I morphed into a lifestyle which embraced a revolution of self. I became my own best judge of what my past could teach me. I found myself moving past status quo rhetoric on what defines alcoholism, sobriety, and drinking. In many ways, I continue to re-write my appreciations of my past drinking years as I continue to come to new realizations of how, and why I drank. I don't mind being responsible to re-examine myself again and again, not so much looking for a better remedy to my alcoholism, but more to understand how different I am nowadays to when I drank alcoholically.
The chances of me ever drinking again are moot. I'm not saying I'm bullet proof, that would be stupidly ego-centric. I am saying being recovered has worth as an actual lifestyle choice, and as such I'm as likely to remain forever sober as much as the sun is likely to rise in the morning.
There are many levels of differences distinguishing between a practicing and or hurting alcoholic, and a solidly recovered alcoholic, is my ongoing real life experience.
I think thinking about drinking is itself an alcoholic ideation, even if done as a way to a means of avoidance. Thinking about my actual alcoholism however has never caused me to want to drink. My experiences with past drinking almost took my life, and certainly destroyed my inner self to the point of being dead on the inside. When I contemplate such past realities and experiences, drinking is absolutely not on the menu. It took a lot of healing though to get me to the point of being able to walk my own talk with sobriety. Years in fact of hard work on myself.
Moving past the vigilance, I morphed into a lifestyle which embraced a revolution of self. I became my own best judge of what my past could teach me. I found myself moving past status quo rhetoric on what defines alcoholism, sobriety, and drinking. In many ways, I continue to re-write my appreciations of my past drinking years as I continue to come to new realizations of how, and why I drank. I don't mind being responsible to re-examine myself again and again, not so much looking for a better remedy to my alcoholism, but more to understand how different I am nowadays to when I drank alcoholically.
The chances of me ever drinking again are moot. I'm not saying I'm bullet proof, that would be stupidly ego-centric. I am saying being recovered has worth as an actual lifestyle choice, and as such I'm as likely to remain forever sober as much as the sun is likely to rise in the morning.
There are many levels of differences distinguishing between a practicing and or hurting alcoholic, and a solidly recovered alcoholic, is my ongoing real life experience.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
so glad you dont feel the need to keep vigilance robbierobot
so your not on a recovery web site keeping yourself reminded about what drink has done to you i take it ? as its what keeps me full of vigilance as to what my drinking did to me
i hear people take a drink after 5 years and it shows me just how easy it can be for anyone even me
although i can put my own experience of giving up drink for 15 years and then drinking again and what that picking up the drink again cost me
in the sober years thanks to aa i had changed my life, got a business going and had 5 lovely kids and a wife
then i drank again as i had cut aa out of my life as i was ok now i didn't need aa anymore i didn't need reminding anymore of what the drink did to me
until like i said i drank again and it lead on to 8 years of disaster were i lost my kids to social serices care the business had long gone my ex wife gone i even ended up in prison a few times for drunken behaviour
my drinking had progressed to 24 / 7 daily drinking and my life was down in the gutter i had nothing
then i ended up back in aa can you imagine how i felt when i seen some of the guy that were still there who i had seen in aa some 20 odd years ago ?
they were still in aa still sober and they hadnt ended up with a life that ended up like mine
i only wished i had of done like they did and kept coming back i would be 34 years sober myself and not have experienced all the losses that i did in between
its 10 years now for me and i am sober for only 1 day at a time its been 10 years of just 1 days as i have learned from picking it up again just how powerful it can be and how it can get you from any postion
i think robbie you are a very lucky man to have got away with not picking up again for as long as you have if you havent maintained recovery like you seem to be saying
if you tell me to quit drinking and i dont have to do anything else other than quit well for me it will not work i need help for it
and now 10 years on i need new comers to keep on reminding me of the hell it once was
then i can feel grateful that its not me today
that doesnt mean to say i am living a life like a hermit as i live life i can go anywere and do anything just without a drink but i am only in that postion as i know full well what 1 drink will cost me as it cost me enough the last time
so your not on a recovery web site keeping yourself reminded about what drink has done to you i take it ? as its what keeps me full of vigilance as to what my drinking did to me
i hear people take a drink after 5 years and it shows me just how easy it can be for anyone even me
although i can put my own experience of giving up drink for 15 years and then drinking again and what that picking up the drink again cost me
in the sober years thanks to aa i had changed my life, got a business going and had 5 lovely kids and a wife
then i drank again as i had cut aa out of my life as i was ok now i didn't need aa anymore i didn't need reminding anymore of what the drink did to me
until like i said i drank again and it lead on to 8 years of disaster were i lost my kids to social serices care the business had long gone my ex wife gone i even ended up in prison a few times for drunken behaviour
my drinking had progressed to 24 / 7 daily drinking and my life was down in the gutter i had nothing
then i ended up back in aa can you imagine how i felt when i seen some of the guy that were still there who i had seen in aa some 20 odd years ago ?
they were still in aa still sober and they hadnt ended up with a life that ended up like mine
i only wished i had of done like they did and kept coming back i would be 34 years sober myself and not have experienced all the losses that i did in between
its 10 years now for me and i am sober for only 1 day at a time its been 10 years of just 1 days as i have learned from picking it up again just how powerful it can be and how it can get you from any postion
i think robbie you are a very lucky man to have got away with not picking up again for as long as you have if you havent maintained recovery like you seem to be saying
if you tell me to quit drinking and i dont have to do anything else other than quit well for me it will not work i need help for it
and now 10 years on i need new comers to keep on reminding me of the hell it once was
then i can feel grateful that its not me today
that doesnt mean to say i am living a life like a hermit as i live life i can go anywere and do anything just without a drink but i am only in that postion as i know full well what 1 drink will cost me as it cost me enough the last time
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
. . . .
I think thinking about drinking is itself an alcoholic ideation, even if done as a way to a means of avoidance. Thinking about my actual alcoholism however has never caused me to want to drink.
I am saying being recovered has worth as an actual lifestyle choice, and as such I'm as likely to remain forever sober as much as the sun is likely to rise in the morning. . . . .
There are many levels of differences distinguishing between a practicing and or hurting alcoholic, and a solidly recovered alcoholic, is my ongoing real life experience.
I think thinking about drinking is itself an alcoholic ideation, even if done as a way to a means of avoidance. Thinking about my actual alcoholism however has never caused me to want to drink.
I am saying being recovered has worth as an actual lifestyle choice, and as such I'm as likely to remain forever sober as much as the sun is likely to rise in the morning. . . . .
There are many levels of differences distinguishing between a practicing and or hurting alcoholic, and a solidly recovered alcoholic, is my ongoing real life experience.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Thank you, Robby, for your posts on this thread. This part especially hit home for me:
It did because this is how I've been feeling in the past few weeks myself. If I want to be truly honest. Insecure. That a lot of things I've been doing and saying during this time have been rather BS..., not in a sense that they are lies directly, but defenses...and I am masking with it a lot of recent fears, insecurities, turmoil, and the fact that I'm actually not taking the level of responsibility for what I do and what I say, that would make it aligned with what I theoretically aspire to do... not sure if I am explaining it clearly. More simply put, I feel that my own recovery has gone a bit sideways lately despite not drinking... and yeah I've been told "be gentle on yourself" etc, but I just feel something has been wrong here lately. And this is why the above paragraph in your post really hit home. Thank you so much for this from me personally - while I've been feeling this way (quite weak, trying to pretend that I am not) myself, it is much more powerful to hear it from someone else whose opinions I respect highly. Definitely change in actions are required for me, and on time, not in retrospect when it would be much more difficult!
Thanks again!
Yeahgr8, I hope you are doing OK! Check in with us if you can.
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
There are sober contributors to this thread I deeply respect. There are also some contributors I have come to realize will themselves eventually go back out sooner or later. So be it. Not everyone wants to be as free as they make it out for themselves, and they feel more themselves if they carry a burden on their backs as they tramp through their life journey. Ironically, freedom itself is a burden of sorts of course, since with freedom comes irrevocable responsibility and lasting consequences. All too often what people talk and what people walk is prejudiced against the very freedoms they claim with their brave 'sober' talk, imo. Actions speak louder than words in any language, yeah?
Thanks again!
Yeahgr8, I hope you are doing OK! Check in with us if you can.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by desypete
i think robbie you are a very lucky man to have got away with not picking up again for as long as you have if you havent maintained recovery like you seem to be saying
if you tell me to quit drinking and i dont have to do anything else other than quit well for me it will not work i need help for it
and now 10 years on i need new comers to keep on reminding me of the hell it once was
then i can feel grateful that its not me today
if you tell me to quit drinking and i dont have to do anything else other than quit well for me it will not work i need help for it
and now 10 years on i need new comers to keep on reminding me of the hell it once was
then i can feel grateful that its not me today
It took hard daily work on myself in my early years to eventually come into my own enjoyments in my sobriety. As well, I didn't say I don't maintain my recovery, desy. Nonetheless, I don't work to protect myself from any future drinking chances or opportunities. I do practice to maintain my alcoholism illness being kept arrested rather than trying to improve how protective I can make my sobriety, okay? This is an important difference, imo. I'm not afraid of an alcoholic future, and I'm respectful and thoughtful of my alcoholic past.I work my program every day, but I don't stay sober one day at a time. My goals are life-long when it comes down to my sobriety, and a single day is simply not enough of an adequate measure to wholly satisfy my wants and needs in sobriety. I think we all must somehow come to terms with living our physical lives one day at a time, and yet our dreams and hopes are much more unbounded by day to day realities and circumstances, yeah?
It is well said and true I'm not on SR as a member to help me to not forget where I have come from in my history with alcoholism. When I arrived at SR I was already 27 years sober. I really don't need others to remind me of my past deeds and experiences. I'll never live long enough to ever forget where I have been as an alcoholic, you know?
I have a life which is robust and full of challenges. I'm happy enough to face myself with all that I have today to offer myself, and in this I see how pointless it would be to protect myself from a drinking future that will never manifest itself either by my own hand or by my missing something essential, and surprise! I would find myself back to drinking. It won't happen. Yes, I know all about never say never too...
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
well i am glad you cleared up that point robbie as when i first read your post it came across to me as though your not maintaining your sobriety so at least i understand what your saying a bit more than i did from the last post sorry i failed to understand were you was coming from
i can also make a boast that i dont see me ever drinking again in my life time however i can only look back at what happend to me after 15 years of being sober
i had everything going good for me in many ways i had a good income with over 100,000 in my bank, i had a good home with a wife and kids etc i didnt want for anything really
but my one problem was when it came to xmas time i hated it to be more to the point new years eve is the time i hated
i wanted to be able to go out and enjoy new years eve and drink like i thought everyone else was doing
hence after 15 years of putting it off i decided to have a go and drink and i swore down if i eneded up in trouble or in a police cell or did anything at all that i would be ashamed of the next day well i would know aa was right etc and i wouldnt risk it again
however i went out had a few drinks got happy and went home happy with nothing wrong happening to me
so i tried it again lol i was convinced maybe all the trouble i had got into last time was perhaps because i was so young back then
so it led on and on to drinking and ended up to 24 / 7 drinking with nothing left all my money gone the lot
so as much i would love to say i will never again drink, i just know that i might feel this way today but i could so easy change my mind tomorrow as something earth shattering might happen to me or i might win the lottery lol it doesnt have to be something bad that can trip people up
i can also make a boast that i dont see me ever drinking again in my life time however i can only look back at what happend to me after 15 years of being sober
i had everything going good for me in many ways i had a good income with over 100,000 in my bank, i had a good home with a wife and kids etc i didnt want for anything really
but my one problem was when it came to xmas time i hated it to be more to the point new years eve is the time i hated
i wanted to be able to go out and enjoy new years eve and drink like i thought everyone else was doing
hence after 15 years of putting it off i decided to have a go and drink and i swore down if i eneded up in trouble or in a police cell or did anything at all that i would be ashamed of the next day well i would know aa was right etc and i wouldnt risk it again
however i went out had a few drinks got happy and went home happy with nothing wrong happening to me
so i tried it again lol i was convinced maybe all the trouble i had got into last time was perhaps because i was so young back then
so it led on and on to drinking and ended up to 24 / 7 drinking with nothing left all my money gone the lot
so as much i would love to say i will never again drink, i just know that i might feel this way today but i could so easy change my mind tomorrow as something earth shattering might happen to me or i might win the lottery lol it doesnt have to be something bad that can trip people up
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