Cecilia44

Today I have finally turned my life and will over to God. I realize this is the problem with keeping my sobriety in my earlier attempts to get sober and I wanted to admit publicly that I will no longer try to do this on my own.

I am in His hands. Thank you all for reading this.

Climber122

I think it's in our nature to try and hold on to our old behaviors. We think there must be SOME way we can get everything clicking and working perfectly our way; that if we just hang in long enough, or do (fill in the blank) better things will turn around. I don't know about you but this kind of thinking gets me down. By turning it over, we accept where we are right now and that we are powerless over alcoholism, and we're free. Surrender seems to be the key and it sounds like you are unlocking that door - good to hear! Be kind to yourself

Cecilia44

Thanks Climber and I truly have surrendered. I realize that I am a control freak and it has been my problem all along. I thought maybe if I banged hard enough I could just force life into how I wanted it molded.

LOL. Not true.

And I honestly can say, already it does feel freeing. Truly, thanks to God.

skg

What *I* have is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition. I am still learning how to "let go, let God" because I've said things before and snatched 'em back when my condition improved...

tomsteve

Good on ya!
Couple things on that:
Remember we turn it over to the care of God.
Big book says This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.
Next we launched on a course of vigorous action....

Keep puttin n the footwork and the promises(all of them, not just 9th step ones) will materialize.

DayTrader

I don't mean this as negative nor am I trying to be controversial, but I've said the same thing myself but man was I full of it. If I'm really honest with myself, about the best I've managed to actually DO is decide to turn everything over. And thankfully, that's all step 3 asks us to do - just decide.

The actual turning of every facet over to God's care...... I do it at times, I turn parts over, I let go of a lot some days......less on others. I can't honestly claim that I decided AND turned everything over. Pretty much the same thing for surrendering. Some days I do, other days not so much.

Prior to actually taking step 3 the BB advises us that noone has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence nor are any of us saints. Again, I'm not calling you out and I'm not trying to bum you out......I'm just being honest about what's going on in MY life. I do so because I used to go to meetings where everyone talked about how wonderful every single aspect of their life was. ".......yanno, since I turned everything over to God, I don't have any problems anymore......bla bla bla." And then there's me, wanting to fit in, I didn't feel safe talking about what was really going on but instead just parroted what I heard everyone else saying. Pretty sad, a group of us IN AA, at an AA meeting, claiming we're working a program that demands rigorous honesty......and we're all lying our butts off to one another in a vain attempt to impress everyone else. Sounds more like active alcoholism to me than it does recovery.

I decide to turn it over.....I decide to surrender...... I want those things. I accomplish them throughout my day. Do I get every possible opportunity perfect, maybe once in a while. God knows, I have maaaaany days where my actions sure don't reflect those of someone who's really turned it all over and they often look like someone who's intent on playing God rather than someone who's surrendered TO God.

Two of my favorite open-talk speakers are Joe Hawk & Mark Houston. One of the things they said that really resonated with me was this: (I'm paraphrasing) If we really turned it ALL over in the third step......we'd be done. There would be no need for any other steps. Everything we did from that moment on would always be in alignment with exactly what we were supposed to do at all times.

The fact that I don't just turn everything over is evidenced by the continued problems I have in life. Sure enough, just about every area of my life that's causing me some discomfort or pain is chuck full of my will and self-control.......along with a dash of, "it'll be different this time." LOL.

All that said......that's ok. I'm not perfect, not a saint.....though I aspire to be one. And along those lines, i have a 10th step which directs me to CONTINUE to look for selfishness, resentment, dishonesty and fear (all traits of someone who hasn't turned it all over yet......) and it gives me some instructions on what to do WHEN those things crop up in my life.

MIRecovery

My life became happier and my sobriety stronger when I realized I was not in charge

Gottalife

When I made a decision to get a drivers license, that did not make it so. First I had to get some lessons, pay some fees, sit and pass a test before my decision became reality.

It's a bit the same with step three. In order to turn my will and life over, I really need to get into a position where I can hear Gods will for me, at least some of the time. And that means removing the blocks, which starts with step four and ends step nine. It is somewhere in step nine, we are promised, we will know our step three decision is now reality.

Ken33xx

When I find myself outside my comfort zone and feel my character defects rising I take action to change what I can.

Then I turn over (or accept) what I can't.

However, if I can't tell the difference (meaning can I solve the problem or not) I look for help.

For me it all comes down to doing the footwork/taking action and then thinking about turning it over.

Cecilia44

I agree with all the posts and I never said DayTrader that this is some 100% thing. I know it also takes work.

I plan to be starting a journal and writing down every night (or so) my short comings so that I can continually improve myself and what I need to work on.

The point being in my post is that FINALLY I am now ready to listen whereas before I don't really think I was, I actually thought I was in complete control. How frustrating life has been for me.

Surely, there are many steps in AA and this only being one. And while I may be fine with some decisions in my life on my own and without God's help, I do plan to pray to Him should I ever come across something that I feel I cannot handle and listen to His answer.

Before? I just got drunk if I couldn't deal with something. This is where I turn it over.

Thanks for the replies.

PaperDolls

Yep! This is awesome Cecilia!

The more I do it the more natural it becomes. Every once in a while I find myself doing it without having to really think about it. Pretty cool!

heath480

Good news Cecilia.

I remember the day well ,that I realised I had to change,not just a few things but everything! Not easy but doable.