Fights at meetings?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 190
Fights at meetings?
So I attended a meeting I normally go to in the afternoon. I've been going for a bit. Today, though, something out of the ordinary happened. As someone was speaking, some mumbling between two guys could be heard. That then escalated to one guy cussing out the other guy at normal volume. "Get the f**k out of my face." "I will f******g hurt you." Etc. It seemed like it was about to escalate from being purely verbal to being physical.
It really freaked me out. I find myself questioning as to whether or not I should ever go back to that particular meeting now as it wasn't a pleasant experience. Has anyone ever experienced this at a meeting? I've been going to meetings for almost a year now, and seeing something like this is a first. I'm sure this is a pretty rare occurrence? I'd like to go back to that meeting as it's convenient but just think I may feel a little uneasy.
It really freaked me out. I find myself questioning as to whether or not I should ever go back to that particular meeting now as it wasn't a pleasant experience. Has anyone ever experienced this at a meeting? I've been going to meetings for almost a year now, and seeing something like this is a first. I'm sure this is a pretty rare occurrence? I'd like to go back to that meeting as it's convenient but just think I may feel a little uneasy.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
In the many years I've attended AA I've only seen something like this one time. In that case about a third of the room stood up and separated the two who were then exchanging words. They were both safely escorted outside so the meeting could continue.
Neither of the two who were involved in the conflict returned to that meeting for some time.
Neither of the two who were involved in the conflict returned to that meeting for some time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Only happened once and it was the first meeting I attended alone. The parties were escorted outside and the meeting continued. I have not seen it happen since.
People in early recovery are raw. Their emotions are all over the place and some that are in their angry stage may lash out at others, it happens but again, not the norm.
I have been told "if you don't like a meeting or don't feel comfortable there then go to a different meeting". It really is that simple. It is your recovery, you decide what is best for you.
For me, I would try the meeting again. In all likelihood it was a one time thing but nobody can say that for sure, there are no guarantees that it is not always like that. Personally I would go again and if that sort of thing happens again then I would no longer attend as it would appear that sort of behavior is accepted at that group and I would not wish to deal with that.
People in early recovery are raw. Their emotions are all over the place and some that are in their angry stage may lash out at others, it happens but again, not the norm.
I have been told "if you don't like a meeting or don't feel comfortable there then go to a different meeting". It really is that simple. It is your recovery, you decide what is best for you.
For me, I would try the meeting again. In all likelihood it was a one time thing but nobody can say that for sure, there are no guarantees that it is not always like that. Personally I would go again and if that sort of thing happens again then I would no longer attend as it would appear that sort of behavior is accepted at that group and I would not wish to deal with that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 49
Have seen only one fistfight (and it was a good one) but a number of shouting matches and lots and lots of tears.
Numerous people sleeping on the floor or in their chairs.
Very much like a bar room.
Just people getting sober. Not people getting perfect.
Drunks come in for all kinds of reasons and with all sorts of crazy ideas.
Have had our treasury disappear (with treasurer) more than once. Got sober with a lady whose first sponsor bilked her out of $10,000 and left the area. Lady shaved her head and talked about how angry she was for the next six months, but she's still sober today ... I'm sure I and others could go on and on.
AA is not immune to the perils of everyday life.
Numerous people sleeping on the floor or in their chairs.
Very much like a bar room.
Just people getting sober. Not people getting perfect.
Drunks come in for all kinds of reasons and with all sorts of crazy ideas.
Have had our treasury disappear (with treasurer) more than once. Got sober with a lady whose first sponsor bilked her out of $10,000 and left the area. Lady shaved her head and talked about how angry she was for the next six months, but she's still sober today ... I'm sure I and others could go on and on.
AA is not immune to the perils of everyday life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
18 years of meetings and racking my brains to recall such incidents.
Just thinking that it's surprising that it is not more common.
With people in all sorts of emotional states and stages of recovery it might be reasonable to expect more flash points.
AA seems to police itself quite well generally.
I would not hesitate to go back to the meeting if it has helped you thus far.
G
Just thinking that it's surprising that it is not more common.
With people in all sorts of emotional states and stages of recovery it might be reasonable to expect more flash points.
AA seems to police itself quite well generally.
I would not hesitate to go back to the meeting if it has helped you thus far.
G
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
This thread makes me happy .
My experience is the same as others. In 30 years of meetings, in NYC no less, I've seen this happen only once. And nobody swung at anyone. I remember one other time too, that was incredibly entertaining, where a dude was pissed at the group and did a movie scene like dialogue. He stood up and walked around the room while delivering a really angry, somewhat articulate rant regarding everything he hated about AA and his life. Thinking back now, it was actually a little bit scary because nobody knew what he was going to do...
Early in my recovery I was friends with a guy who I'd have never gone near while drinking. He told me some tales of things he did while "out there" that were unfathomable to me. Things you want to believe no human would be capable of. Anyhow, he also talked about respect for the rooms and how regardless of anything he'd ever done. AA was a place he'd never bring any of that. I believe he knew that AA was his only hope for life. He drank lots and lots of times while I knew him... and then disappeared. Recently popped into my life again after doing 8 years prison time (and 4 right before that). He's sober almost 9 years now, and doing well. Not sure what my point is here. I guess it's that as bad as some people can get, I think most understand what AA is all about, and they respect it.
Pretty awesome place to be, that AA. If ya really think about our collective AA experience and all that goes on in the outside world these days, it really is an incredibly miraculous place. And it's pretty much made up of the dregs of our society... wow, I think I'm having a religious experience right now contemplating all this.
.My experience is the same as others. In 30 years of meetings, in NYC no less, I've seen this happen only once. And nobody swung at anyone. I remember one other time too, that was incredibly entertaining, where a dude was pissed at the group and did a movie scene like dialogue. He stood up and walked around the room while delivering a really angry, somewhat articulate rant regarding everything he hated about AA and his life. Thinking back now, it was actually a little bit scary because nobody knew what he was going to do...
Early in my recovery I was friends with a guy who I'd have never gone near while drinking. He told me some tales of things he did while "out there" that were unfathomable to me. Things you want to believe no human would be capable of. Anyhow, he also talked about respect for the rooms and how regardless of anything he'd ever done. AA was a place he'd never bring any of that. I believe he knew that AA was his only hope for life. He drank lots and lots of times while I knew him... and then disappeared. Recently popped into my life again after doing 8 years prison time (and 4 right before that). He's sober almost 9 years now, and doing well. Not sure what my point is here
. I guess it's that as bad as some people can get, I think most understand what AA is all about, and they respect it.Pretty awesome place to be, that AA. If ya really think about our collective AA experience and all that goes on in the outside world these days, it really is an incredibly miraculous place. And it's pretty much made up of the dregs of our society... wow, I think I'm having a religious experience right now contemplating all this
.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by AnyLengths 
AA is not immune to the perils of everyday life.
AA doesn't have any special protection from the real world. Whatever can happen out there, can happen in an AA meeting. And does.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by RumHound
Well put.
AA doesn't have any special protection from the real world. Whatever can happen out there, can happen in an AA meeting. And does.
AA doesn't have any special protection from the real world. Whatever can happen out there, can happen in an AA meeting. And does.
And fortunately very seldom.
BE WELL
Friend of Jimmy B
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 667
Early on I went to AA (and NA) meetings at Living Now in NYC. We had lot of people off the Bowery and more Park Bench than Park Row, which was great because I felt at home. My friends and peers were there getting sober.
We had bouncers. One of the announcements was if you were carrying drugs or weapons to please leave them outside as it endangered our lease. Some people acted out and were asked to step outside. Someone from the group assaulted another member outside the group. Real 1st and 3rd Tradition stuff in action. A lot of us stayed and remain sober. There is a longtime member who has his story in the BB. They must have been doing something right.
I love AA in all it's glorious imperfection!
-allan
We had bouncers. One of the announcements was if you were carrying drugs or weapons to please leave them outside as it endangered our lease. Some people acted out and were asked to step outside. Someone from the group assaulted another member outside the group. Real 1st and 3rd Tradition stuff in action. A lot of us stayed and remain sober. There is a longtime member who has his story in the BB. They must have been doing something right.
I love AA in all it's glorious imperfection!
-allan
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by CousinA
Early on I went to AA (and NA) meetings at Living Now in NYC. We had lot of people off the Bowery and more Park Bench than Park Row, which was great because I felt at home. My friends and peers were there getting sober.
We had bouncers. One of the announcements was if you were carrying drugs or weapons to please leave them outside as it endangered our lease. Some people acted out and were asked to step outside. Someone from the group assaulted another member outside the group. Real 1st and 3rd Tradition stuff in action. A lot of us stayed and remain sober. There is a longtime member who has his story in the BB. They must have been doing something right.
I love AA in all it's glorious imperfection!
-allan
We had bouncers. One of the announcements was if you were carrying drugs or weapons to please leave them outside as it endangered our lease. Some people acted out and were asked to step outside. Someone from the group assaulted another member outside the group. Real 1st and 3rd Tradition stuff in action. A lot of us stayed and remain sober. There is a longtime member who has his story in the BB. They must have been doing something right.
I love AA in all it's glorious imperfection!
-allan
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by newman23
Has anyone ever experienced this at a meeting?
Not often but, I have seen it.
Also happens occasionally out in the world today.
MM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
We are sensitive people with character defects and sometimes people hurt each other or take things personally.
We are a family so there's going to be difference of opinions and we are sick people trying to get well.
I try to keepy expectations low and focus on what's good about the meeting - and what I can offer.
We are a family so there's going to be difference of opinions and we are sick people trying to get well.
I try to keepy expectations low and focus on what's good about the meeting - and what I can offer.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
The smoking issue brought a lot of heated exchange here but no hands on yet at my home group. Saw two women go at it in TN 20 yrs. ago-meeting resumed after it was broken up. Saw a shotgun brought in to a meeting and that caused some un-easiness. Person said they had been hunting and didn't want to leave it in car. All in all I would say meetings are more peaceful than bars, driving (drunk or otherwise) and a lot of other places I've been.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by newman23
So I attended a meeting I normally go to in the afternoon. I've been going for a bit. Today, though, something out of the ordinary happened. As someone was speaking, some mumbling between two guys could be heard. That then escalated to one guy cussing out the other guy at normal volume. "Get the f**k out of my face." "I will f******g hurt you." Etc. It seemed like it was about to escalate from being purely verbal to being physical.
It really freaked me out. I find myself questioning as to whether or not I should ever go back to that particular meeting now as it wasn't a pleasant experience. Has anyone ever experienced this at a meeting? I've been going to meetings for almost a year now, and seeing something like this is a first. I'm sure this is a pretty rare occurrence? I'd like to go back to that meeting as it's convenient but just think I may feel a little uneasy.
It really freaked me out. I find myself questioning as to whether or not I should ever go back to that particular meeting now as it wasn't a pleasant experience. Has anyone ever experienced this at a meeting? I've been going to meetings for almost a year now, and seeing something like this is a first. I'm sure this is a pretty rare occurrence? I'd like to go back to that meeting as it's convenient but just think I may feel a little uneasy.
You are there to get knowledge and discover the action steps others took that saved their lives and keep them sober - period.
Maybe have a betting line on who would win.....jk.
please don't let a one - off weird experience stop you from going. you gonna let two meatheads ruin that for you.....no way man!
George is getting upset........
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by CousinA
Early on I went to AA (and NA) meetings at Living Now in NYC. We had lot of people off the Bowery and more Park Bench than Park Row, which was great because I felt at home. My friends and peers were there getting sober.
We had bouncers. One of the announcements was if you were carrying drugs or weapons to please leave them outside as it endangered our lease. Some people acted out and were asked to step outside. Someone from the group assaulted another member outside the group. Real 1st and 3rd Tradition stuff in action. A lot of us stayed and remain sober. There is a longtime member who has his story in the BB. They must have been doing something right.
I love AA in all it's glorious imperfection!
-allan
We had bouncers. One of the announcements was if you were carrying drugs or weapons to please leave them outside as it endangered our lease. Some people acted out and were asked to step outside. Someone from the group assaulted another member outside the group. Real 1st and 3rd Tradition stuff in action. A lot of us stayed and remain sober. There is a longtime member who has his story in the BB. They must have been doing something right.
I love AA in all it's glorious imperfection!
-allan
THIS is willing to go to any lengths!!
Great, great post - thanks, made my day.
So, without using a name - what page is the guys story on????
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I never seen a fight but 6 years ago the smoking/non smoking issue came up and I heard 2 guys threw coffee on each other.Several months later they was sitting beside each other in meetings.
With all our imperfections,there has to be a Higher Power in there somewhere gluing us together.
With all our imperfections,there has to be a Higher Power in there somewhere gluing us together.
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