I hate the fact, that you guys are right...

[NoMoBeer]

here I sit. Drunk. Trying once again to control my drinking. Ready to ruin a perfectly good new job.

Maybe I need the weekend to dry out. Maybe God has a different plan in mind.

Sorry, guys -- tried like heck to control my drinking, but pushed things over the edge tonight.

SO, don't have my laptop home. Was planning on going in tomorrow, have a large excel spreadsheet due, lunch with customer ( which could be moved), and just feeling stupid about myself. Thought I could live my life without AA, but questioning things at this point.

You guys have all been there for me before, I need to make some serious choices at this point... help me out....

Ken

[1Marty]

Hey Ken. Marty here, Alcoholic. I never considered AA until I was beat up, tired, and at Rock Bottom. It was easy for me at that point to seek help and be open and willing to work the AA program. It was either that or continue drinking and die. I was at your point before. I had tried countless times to control it on my own. Some times I would make a few weeks sober, maybe even a month. Then the thinking would creep in and I would figure that I deserved a reward for my shory term sobriety. So I know its hard for you right now to commit to working a program. But if you are really serious about getting and staying sober. You need to put all of your thoughts and opinions aside, and give it an honest try. Be as open minded as you can. AA has been my ticket to freedom. But there are other ways out there too. Best of luck to you!

[Birddog]

Well Man, till you have tried every option and trick in the book, than you're not ready for AA to work.
What you need to do is put the program of AA to the front and center of everything in you're life right now.
Everything else, your job, your family, your sweetheart will have to come in second place to your AA. Won't be for a real long time, but it has to happen for the program to start working.
Keep an open mind, be like a sponge at meetings and go to coffee afterwards. Soak up everything, immerse yourself completely in everything AA, read the history and learn it like you're going to pass it on someday, which you will be doing.
Now quit sulking, get some sleep and get down to a meeting tomorrow morning and make plans for doing a meeting tomorrow night.
There’s your tomorrow, don't worry about anything else but staying sober and hitting 2 meetings.
You'll do fine, AA always works when you work for it, I never believed that at first but I sure do now.
BD

[bliss]

I am certainly not here to judge. I have felt your pain many times over. Sleep it off and start fresh in the morning. Don't give up on yourself. You are worth it!

[padawan]

It sounds like your getting in touch with your inner-most self on this issue, and that's where the true answer lies. It's not a matter of acceptance or acknowledgement - but a matter of concedence (surrender).

"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed." pg30

Here's a few questions to ask your innermost self...

Which of my problems will be removed or alleviated if I take a drink of alcohol?

Can any good come of my taking another drink?

What will really happen to me and others if I do drink again?

What good reasons do I have to believe my answers?

Do I wish to avoid the next drink?

[MootPoint]

Hey Ken, you know I'm pulling for you! Along with endangering your job, you cannot be athletic while drinking beer! Think about that!

Ken, can you get back to those meetings? You have been there before and know they work.

You guys have all been there for me before, I need to make some serious choices at this point... help me out

We are still here for you. If it helps, come in multiple times a day and post. Take it one hour at a time. Someone will be along to reply to you........ you know this. I'll be here tomorrow until 2:30 eastern, and I'll get back at about 4:30. I'll keep a watch out for your posts. My pm's are always open to you...... you know this too.

Go to the online meetings and just sit if you don't feel like talking. That is another hour you spend not drinking.

Go to AA and buy the book Living Sober. Its a gem.

Ann

[Alice Wonder]

ken- hang in there one little baby step at a time if you have to. whatever it takes. step away from the drama of drinking because you cannot change what has happened only what WILL happen. i'm pulling for ya. love- alice

[Dan]

Ken, not much to add to all of the above.
Only to say that I remember we came here around the same time I guess.
We even shared a few of the online meetings.
The fact you keep coming back here speaks volumes yes?
You can absolutely stop drinking.
I promise

[mateo]

Hi Ken--matt here, alcoholic in Michigan (and N.A.U. grad--boy i miss arizona sometimes!)

A bit over two years ago now, with only a couple of days sober i found my way to an AA discussion board much like this one. The folks there gave me encouragement, and hope that it (aa) would work for me too. I had a million questions and reservations, but with their help, made the decision to give it a serious try--and haven't regretted it since. It'll work for you too if you want it. What have you got to lose? Thanks and take care--matt f.

[Gooch]

I was at a meeting yesterday and a couple people were sharing how the booze or dope just quit working for them. How frustrating it was to look to the experience wit hthe expectation that it was going to provide that old familiar comfort and then waking up disgusted that once again the pleasant buzz had elded them and there were unacceptable consequences to deal with .. again.

At first I too hated the fact that I was like them and I could no longer control or enjoy my use of intoxicants. I've come to be really really grateful that there so many people who can understand the madness that always cries for more. We aren't alone anymore.

Best to you with your choices.

[barnone]

hi ken,
man, i can feel your pain!!!!! i have been trying to do the AA thing for 18 months now and finally collected 6 months of sobriety. It IS beyond hard! i wanted AA to be like weight watchers. i wanted to be able to keep drinking with new limits, you know like a points system where i was allowed to drink if i stayed within the limits. Well, what i found out was that AA had so extended the edges of my own self investigation, that i realized i could no longer drink the same way i used to. It just didn't work! AA has ruined my ability to drink and NOT drive myself crazy that i drank. GREAT now i am uncomfortable drinking AND uncomfortable NOT drinking!!!!!! At least i know now that if i stay and work the program, things WILL get better. If i don't and try to live a life where drinking is introduced again, that can only lead to trouble.

i hope this helps? PLEASE don't beat yourself up over ANY of this! YOU are worth whatever it takes to live a sober life! GOOD LUCK, and stay strong! YOU CAN DO THIS!

[mackat]

i was a young drunk
later , i thought i was young
but what i was
was just an older drunk
now i do AA
been sober since '95
love my life....
just
my experience
strength
hope
BUT
available for
anyone
willing
to
work for it!

[Gutterdrunk]

It's the "working for it " part that I hated. But, I had to take the steps, the elevator stoped working.

[MootPoint]

Gooch said

I was at a meeting yesterday and a couple people were sharing how the booze or dope just quit working for them. How frustrating it was to look to the experience wit hthe expectation that it was going to provide that old familiar comfort and then waking up disgusted that once again the pleasant buzz had elded them and there were unacceptable consequences to deal with .. again

yep. that's where I was. Couln't get drunk, just passed out.

Ken, if you're still reading, I wish you luck. I got emotioinal in this thread, probably because I remember you when you were first in. And.... how hard you tried.

Now I can only sit back and hope that you'll use the tools you've learned and come back on the sober side of life.

[NoMoBeer]

...and also haven't had a beer this week (or any other alcohol).

I even went on a business trip and sat through happy hour drinking water (my new drink of choice). Can't say it's been rosey, but I don't want to go back to where I was. Still have not walked back into AA, but probably will this weekend when things will no doubt get tougher....

THanks for caring, Moot -- I was surprised to see this post come back up...

New sobriety date = 8/2/04

Ken

[2dayzmuse]

Congrats on your sober days Ken. Wishing you lots of luck.

Talia

[Hgrokit]

Originally Posted by NoMoBeer

...and also haven't had a beer this week (or any other alcohol).

I even went on a business trip and sat through happy hour drinking water (my new drink of choice). Can't say it's been rosey, but I don't want to go back to where I was. Still have not walked back into AA, but probably will this weekend when things will no doubt get tougher....

THanks for caring, Moot -- I was surprised to see this post come back up...

New sobriety date = 8/2/04

Ken

Righ on man!

I found that when I found a home group I enjoyed ( as much as one can enjoy early on), I started looking forward to going to meetings. I found acceptance and understanding, but without being dealt with in a condescending fashion. I knew wehre I stood with everyone.

As for your new drink of choice - try and stay away from sweet carbonated beverages - for me, it made my cravings worse. Coffee, water and fruit juice is all I drink. Less coffee as time goes on. For some reason, I find eating fruit really helps too. Especially apples and grapes.

Congrats!

[MootPoint]

Right On Ken!

[Dan]

There comes a time...

Awesome Ken.
Some real good news that!

[splendra]

Yea Ken!!!

[Chy]

Holding my breath as I read to the last post, how are you today Ken?

[NoMoBeer]

...and very sober!

Still very tired. Had my last drunk last sunday night, tough day at work Monday, then 2 full days of meetings in San Francisco, went to happy hour and dinner Tuesday night without drinking and starting to clear up a little. Going for a run tomorrow morning (first one in a while).

Thanks for caring!

ken

[2dayzmuse]

I'll race ya!!!! LOL Have a good run Ken.

T.

[Gooch]

Glad to hear your back on board Ken!