Hello, My Name is Jocelyn and I am an Alcoholic

[jazpoppy]

I have known in the past year that I became a drug addict, but alcoholic too? I wasn't giving into that. I struggled with the concept for a long time. I quite drugs months but still drank. I thought that drinking a few times a week was no big deal. I didn't realize that I had promised my best friend that I would be the Designated Driver on several occasions, only to get smashed and she would have to stay sober (she didn't trust that I would anyways) and drive us both home. I would drink and drive almost every weekend for the past 2 years. I started my drinking career off and on since the age of 12. My mother is an active alcoholic who loves it when I will drink with her. I don't necessarily drink till I puke, but I can never have just one drink at a bar. I usually do between 4 and 9 drinks, then drive home. I know all the back roads. Drinking also leads me into using drugs at times where they are available. I am on medications right now that I am not supposed to drink with, I never thought twice before about drinking on meds that I shouldn't drink on, but now I realize the dangers. I realize that I am dangerous to myself and others when I drink. I am a happy drunk but a menace behind the wheel of a car. I act stupid and flirt with many men when I am drinking. I have slept with a couple of men because I was under the influence. When I was actively drinking I would drink on average, 3-4 glasses (large glasses) of wine per day 3 days a week (just about), then on the weekends go for the draft beers and shots of jack or grape crush type drinks averaging 4-9 of them. I don't know why, I admit I have a problem now, but I don't really feel like an real alcoholic because I was never physically dependant. Is my disease of addiction trying to fool me when those thoughts of denial enter my head? Help. Thanks.

Jocelyn

[MootPoint]

Hi Jocelyn and welcome to SR!

I'm Ann, alcoholic and addict.

Nobody can say whether you are an alcoholic except you. But I can tell you that I am an alcoholic, although I was not physically dependent.

Is my disease of addiction trying to fool me when those thoughts of denial enter my head?

Without a doubt. The disease will whisper sweet nothings in your ear until all rational though has been dispelled.

I would suggest going to an AA meeting. Even if you are not an alcoholic, you are welcome at open meetings. And the vast majority are open. You might just hear your story told by someone else, or at least hear something you can relate to. Just call your local AA in the phone book....... they'll point you in the right direction!

Most of my drug use was encouraged, if not caused by, my alcohol use. If I wasn't drunk, it wouldn't have seemed like such a good idea.

Please keep posting here and reading.

[In memory of miracle]

Welcome back ! Good to see you posting and I think you have asked a very good question .It was suggested to me that I abstain from all mood altering substances . Alcohol is a drug . It is just a legal one ! Sounds like you have learned to recognize the voice of your disease and that has been key to me in my recovery ..good to see you posting again ! I am pullin for you ..prayers ^ Trish

[jazpoppy]

Thank you ladies for your input. I have been attending AA meetings, I have heard a lot of stories and some things I identify with. I agree that I am a problem drinker as I always do something dumb when I drink, like drive or act stupid and won't stop drinking when my friends says that I have had enough. THank you and I will keep posting.

Love Jaz

[Don W]

Hi Jaz, Welcome to SR. You have taken the first step by admitting there is a problem. The best I can suggest is read and listen, then see if you can identify. As others have said, only you can decide. I can't say you are BUT, My name is Don W and I'm an alcoholic, and I can identify with everything you posted We are here to encourage and support each other so welcome again. Don W

[lulu70]

The Big Book says that if you are not sure if you are an alcoholic, there is a way to find out. Go out and try some controlled drinking. Try having a few and then stopping abruptly. Try it a few times. If you can do it without going crazy, you are probably not alcoholic. Many of us in AA did not drink every day. I didn't. However, when I started, I could not stop. I did a lot of the same things you did. I tried to convince myself that I didn't have a problem because I kept my job and my house and my car....but it got worse. The sad news is, if you truly are alcoholic, it will get worse for you as well. That is the nature of the disease. (Being an addict, you probably already know this...) Hang in there and keep posting. We are all here for you no matter what you decide.

[jazpoppy]

Thanks everyone. I have made the decision to just abstain from alcohol. I have spoken to old friends of mine that would go out to bars with me. Most of them agreed that they were worried about the way I drank, but did not want to upset me by telling me this. I couldn't remember everything that would happen when I was out drinking, so being reminded by one of my non-alcoholic friends that I would offer to drive (stay sober) sometimes and would never hold up my end of the bargain and get to drunk to drive. I figure if I can't keep a promise to my best friend to stay sober enough to let her have a good time, then get her home safely because of alcohol, then there is definately a problem, not to mention the many, many times I drove myself and others home drunk. Thanks for you support. I will keep reading and posting here as well as in the NA forum. BTW, I have about 3 months alcohol and drug free now!

Love Jaz