Chaired my Meeting Last night
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Chaired my Meeting Last night
I chaired my mens group last night. Its not the first time I have chaired a meeting or shared my story but was the first time with this group. There are roughly 50 guys in this group and some of the shares can be powerful. There is strength and honesty that I find in this meeting, which is why I like it.
I introduced myself and provided much of my early backstory. Sometimes I get some PTSD when talking but I did not. I was nervous and looking down versus engaging (I would have to consciously look up in the eyes of those I was speaking to). I made a point to remind those in the room that I am not a victim and things happened to me but I am not that experience its a component of who I am. I also made it clear I don't believe some of the trauma I experienced made me an addict but likely contributed to a disease that once activated made my desire to drink and use that much greater.
I then spoke to the spiral down and how bad things got and loosing my mind and not knowing what was up or down towards the end.
My topic was How it Works and I proceeded to share my experience with being 12 stepped, SR, my spiritual experience, my previous sponsor, and the directions I received from my HP to guide me to my step sponsor and my experience working my steps, particularly how I had gotten stuck on #4 and how I moved through it.
After my share you could hear a pin drop in the room. Nobody wanted to raise their hand. I started to feel insecure and then a guy shared and told me it was one of the most powerful shares he had heard. Then another guy shared and came out with his own sex abuse, then another guy who is gay and how he struggled with identity, then another guy who was raped then a guy who paralyzed someone in a drunk driving incident. These guys don't usually share and I felt I helped by going deep into the abyss and shining light on my traumas helped make it easier for them to feel comfortable sharing some of their darkest secrets.
It was an out of the body experience for me, as if I was not the one talking but watching this guy talk about things I was intimately familiar with. I still feel lightened and great about the meeting and at no time did I have concerns over whether I was disclosing too much.
I introduced myself and provided much of my early backstory. Sometimes I get some PTSD when talking but I did not. I was nervous and looking down versus engaging (I would have to consciously look up in the eyes of those I was speaking to). I made a point to remind those in the room that I am not a victim and things happened to me but I am not that experience its a component of who I am. I also made it clear I don't believe some of the trauma I experienced made me an addict but likely contributed to a disease that once activated made my desire to drink and use that much greater.
I then spoke to the spiral down and how bad things got and loosing my mind and not knowing what was up or down towards the end.
My topic was How it Works and I proceeded to share my experience with being 12 stepped, SR, my spiritual experience, my previous sponsor, and the directions I received from my HP to guide me to my step sponsor and my experience working my steps, particularly how I had gotten stuck on #4 and how I moved through it.
After my share you could hear a pin drop in the room. Nobody wanted to raise their hand. I started to feel insecure and then a guy shared and told me it was one of the most powerful shares he had heard. Then another guy shared and came out with his own sex abuse, then another guy who is gay and how he struggled with identity, then another guy who was raped then a guy who paralyzed someone in a drunk driving incident. These guys don't usually share and I felt I helped by going deep into the abyss and shining light on my traumas helped make it easier for them to feel comfortable sharing some of their darkest secrets.
It was an out of the body experience for me, as if I was not the one talking but watching this guy talk about things I was intimately familiar with. I still feel lightened and great about the meeting and at no time did I have concerns over whether I was disclosing too much.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Its really exhilarating to speak authentically to a room of peers travelling on the journey of a renewed life based on self-examination and change. Glad to hear others joined in with their own experiences too. Awesome times, JD. 
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by jdooner 
I chaired my mens group last night. Its not the first time I have chaired a meeting or shared my story but was the first time with this group. There are roughly 50 guys in this group and some of the shares can be powerful. There is strength and honesty that I find in this meeting, which is why I like it.
I introduced myself and provided much of my early backstory. Sometimes I get some PTSD when talking but I did not. I was nervous and looking down versus engaging (I would have to consciously look up in the eyes of those I was speaking to). I made a point to remind those in the room that I am not a victim and things happened to me but I am not that experience its a component of who I am. I also made it clear I don't believe some of the trauma I experienced made me an addict but likely contributed to a disease that once activated made my desire to drink and use that much greater.
I then spoke to the spiral down and how bad things got and loosing my mind and not knowing what was up or down towards the end.
My topic was How it Works and I proceeded to share my experience with being 12 stepped, SR, my spiritual experience, my previous sponsor, and the directions I received from my HP to guide me to my step sponsor and my experience working my steps, particularly how I had gotten stuck on #4 and how I moved through it.
After my share you could hear a pin drop in the room. Nobody wanted to raise their hand. I started to feel insecure and then a guy shared and told me it was one of the most powerful shares he had heard. Then another guy shared and came out with his own sex abuse, then another guy who is gay and how he struggled with identity, then another guy who was raped then a guy who paralyzed someone in a drunk driving incident. These guys don't usually share and I felt I helped by going deep into the abyss and shining light on my traumas helped make it easier for them to feel comfortable sharing some of their darkest secrets.
It was an out of the body experience for me, as if I was not the one talking but watching this guy talk about things I was intimately familiar with. I still feel lightened and great about the meeting and at no time did I have concerns over whether I was disclosing too much.
I introduced myself and provided much of my early backstory. Sometimes I get some PTSD when talking but I did not. I was nervous and looking down versus engaging (I would have to consciously look up in the eyes of those I was speaking to). I made a point to remind those in the room that I am not a victim and things happened to me but I am not that experience its a component of who I am. I also made it clear I don't believe some of the trauma I experienced made me an addict but likely contributed to a disease that once activated made my desire to drink and use that much greater.
I then spoke to the spiral down and how bad things got and loosing my mind and not knowing what was up or down towards the end.
My topic was How it Works and I proceeded to share my experience with being 12 stepped, SR, my spiritual experience, my previous sponsor, and the directions I received from my HP to guide me to my step sponsor and my experience working my steps, particularly how I had gotten stuck on #4 and how I moved through it.
After my share you could hear a pin drop in the room. Nobody wanted to raise their hand. I started to feel insecure and then a guy shared and told me it was one of the most powerful shares he had heard. Then another guy shared and came out with his own sex abuse, then another guy who is gay and how he struggled with identity, then another guy who was raped then a guy who paralyzed someone in a drunk driving incident. These guys don't usually share and I felt I helped by going deep into the abyss and shining light on my traumas helped make it easier for them to feel comfortable sharing some of their darkest secrets.
It was an out of the body experience for me, as if I was not the one talking but watching this guy talk about things I was intimately familiar with. I still feel lightened and great about the meeting and at no time did I have concerns over whether I was disclosing too much.
people who share and reach out and touch me and touch others for me its how we help each other in the rooms
its how i come to see things that i just can not see on my own
over the years i have learned so much from other alcoholics who share honestly and from there hearts
i dont learn anything from the preachers as i tend to see there egos rather than anything there saying
but if someone is talking honestly from the heart over the table well you can bet i am all ears
i go on there journey with them, sometimes i might have an answer for them or if not me someone else might as it might not be my type of experience but anyone who shares from there heart will make a pin drop in aa
well done my friend sounds like it was a good meeting and one i would attend with ease and get a lot out of it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Thanks Desy, sincerely. You have helped me in many ways too! I think you would like this meeting. If your ever Stateside or I am in the UK maybe we can hit a meeting together?
As a followup - I just received a call from a guy that was at last night's meeting. He wanted to personally thank me for the share and said it really affected and touched him. He told me he wants what I have and he is 22 yrs sober. I am honored and blessed that my pain and story has been able to touch others actually. Of all huge deals I have closed or talks I have given or hands I have shaken, I feel more honored by the effect from this experience. I owe much of this to some of the members I have met on SR and the conversations I have had here.
As a followup - I just received a call from a guy that was at last night's meeting. He wanted to personally thank me for the share and said it really affected and touched him. He told me he wants what I have and he is 22 yrs sober. I am honored and blessed that my pain and story has been able to touch others actually. Of all huge deals I have closed or talks I have given or hands I have shaken, I feel more honored by the effect from this experience. I owe much of this to some of the members I have met on SR and the conversations I have had here.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
have a read of the promises of aa again jd
look at the part were it says
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
it sure sounds like your experience in your share benefited others last night to me : )
if your ever over here in the uk i would love to take you around the meetings : )
as for any thanks lol you know the drill my friend just pass it on no thanks needed
look at the part were it says
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
it sure sounds like your experience in your share benefited others last night to me : )
if your ever over here in the uk i would love to take you around the meetings : )
as for any thanks lol you know the drill my friend just pass it on no thanks needed
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
good job JD
my favorite meeting has some deep honest shares on the verge of 5th steps.
They are about half men and women and they have a degree of honesty and freedom from shame that's amazing
my favorite meeting has some deep honest shares on the verge of 5th steps.
They are about half men and women and they have a degree of honesty and freedom from shame that's amazing
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Just a word of caution guys. There are reasons our book suggests "our stories disclose in a general way"... Sharing that is too specific can be damaging in many ways, even worse when it emphasised for dramatic effect.
I have seen one man say too much about his sexual activities in his first meeting. Two days later it dawned on him what he had said, and he took his own life. I was only a couple of mths sober myself at the time and I was shocked that this happened. No one in that meeting judged the man or said anything unkind to him. Some of the older members tried to look after him.
I have seen a large number of our women be frightened away from mainstream AA by inappropriate 5th step style sharing from some of the men. The result is female newcomers turning up at our mainstream meetings and finding no women present.
We have had some trouble recently with serious unresolved crime coming out in meetings putting members in the position of witnesses. AA members enjoy no special privlages under the law.
JD, I commend your honesty and forthrightness in your sharing and it obviously had a powerful effect. I just caution others that we can be open and honest while speaking in a general way. There is no need, and much risk, in getting into graphic accounts.
I have seen one man say too much about his sexual activities in his first meeting. Two days later it dawned on him what he had said, and he took his own life. I was only a couple of mths sober myself at the time and I was shocked that this happened. No one in that meeting judged the man or said anything unkind to him. Some of the older members tried to look after him.
I have seen a large number of our women be frightened away from mainstream AA by inappropriate 5th step style sharing from some of the men. The result is female newcomers turning up at our mainstream meetings and finding no women present.
We have had some trouble recently with serious unresolved crime coming out in meetings putting members in the position of witnesses. AA members enjoy no special privlages under the law.
JD, I commend your honesty and forthrightness in your sharing and it obviously had a powerful effect. I just caution others that we can be open and honest while speaking in a general way. There is no need, and much risk, in getting into graphic accounts.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 188
JD, I commend your honesty and forthrightness in your sharing and it obviously had a powerful effect. I just caution others that we can be open and honest while speaking in a general way. There is no need, and much risk, in getting into graphic accounts.
I am happy for you JD, but I agree with Mike, that shares can be open and honest while speaking in a general way. When we get into too much detail of other things, the primary purpose and the singleness of purpose at an AA meeting can be lost.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I agree with all the comments above. Nothing I shared was illegal (on my end) other than drug use but I agree this is a good thing to keep in my mind. Truth be told, I was probably on a bit of a high from my step #5, 6, 7, and 8 the prior weekend that I may have erred on too much candor. I can't take it back, the feedback has been positive but going forward I realize the details are not as important as the concepts.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I want to also thank you for sharing. I think it is important to do so and I have had people come up to me after and tell me that I just told their story. That encourages me to know that I am helping.
I am not sure why but when some speakers lead contains to much specific/graphic detail it makes me uncomfortable.
There is one gal in AA and I have heard her lead several times now and it gets more and more graphic. She has a little over a year and half now and the last time I saw her she was a mess. She had not relapsed, that I know of, but she is always crying and I know in the past that she had suicide episodes which she has also shared in detail in her comments. Some of these go into a mini lead rather than a comment. I feel for her but there is not much I can do. She has a sponsor and her husband is also in the program. He protects her a lot and it is hard to get close to her because of it. They do not seem to have their own programs. Even when I have tried to talk to her he stands right there. I am sure to make sure what others say to her is what he agrees with, if not then I am sure he discounts them to her later. It is sad really. She needs help and the one person that should be helping her is hindering her recovery.
Anyway, the length she talks in detail makes me think she has not gotten past these issues. She is just living with them or not living with them may better explanation.
I had sexual abuse as well but I never mention it in my lead. I gave that to my sponsor. I guess I follow the slogan of take the mess to the sponsor and the message to the meetings. I am not saying that others should not share but I agree that graphic details are sometimes not the best approach when we talk about sensitive subjects such as sexual abuse or criminal acts.
It concerns me as well that I find this to be the case more and more. I understand that people need to tell their story, it is theirs but sometimes we can leave out specific details yet still get the point and message across.
I am not sure why but when some speakers lead contains to much specific/graphic detail it makes me uncomfortable.
There is one gal in AA and I have heard her lead several times now and it gets more and more graphic. She has a little over a year and half now and the last time I saw her she was a mess. She had not relapsed, that I know of, but she is always crying and I know in the past that she had suicide episodes which she has also shared in detail in her comments. Some of these go into a mini lead rather than a comment. I feel for her but there is not much I can do. She has a sponsor and her husband is also in the program. He protects her a lot and it is hard to get close to her because of it. They do not seem to have their own programs. Even when I have tried to talk to her he stands right there. I am sure to make sure what others say to her is what he agrees with, if not then I am sure he discounts them to her later. It is sad really. She needs help and the one person that should be helping her is hindering her recovery.
Anyway, the length she talks in detail makes me think she has not gotten past these issues. She is just living with them or not living with them may better explanation.
I had sexual abuse as well but I never mention it in my lead. I gave that to my sponsor. I guess I follow the slogan of take the mess to the sponsor and the message to the meetings. I am not saying that others should not share but I agree that graphic details are sometimes not the best approach when we talk about sensitive subjects such as sexual abuse or criminal acts.
It concerns me as well that I find this to be the case more and more. I understand that people need to tell their story, it is theirs but sometimes we can leave out specific details yet still get the point and message across.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Soemthing worth noting: I did not get into the sordid details in my share. I mentioned the event but spent more time regarding the subsequent abuse afterwards with the shame I was made to feel being sexually active early and my parents who had no idea how to handle me for a situation I kept from them. While somewhat nervous, I was not a mess and the message was honest and authentic, which is where the power came from. I focused on the Solution and my experience in AA.
In another post I used my experience to make a point, which was wrong. I left the kid that experienced the trauma vulnerable and exposed and exploited myself, when I have been working so hard in recovery to nuture this part of me. This created angst and anger. I discussed some of the details in a graphic manner to make a point. This is polar from the meeting share and has taught me a very important lesson today as I further process all of this.
I have zero regrets from the meeting. I do regret the other post I made 100%. Much of this is new for me with only 11 months sober, so in some ways I am still learning how to handle the power of the truth.
In another post I used my experience to make a point, which was wrong. I left the kid that experienced the trauma vulnerable and exposed and exploited myself, when I have been working so hard in recovery to nuture this part of me. This created angst and anger. I discussed some of the details in a graphic manner to make a point. This is polar from the meeting share and has taught me a very important lesson today as I further process all of this.
I have zero regrets from the meeting. I do regret the other post I made 100%. Much of this is new for me with only 11 months sober, so in some ways I am still learning how to handle the power of the truth.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by jdooner
in some ways I am still learning how to handle the power of the truth.
I have made mistakes in this area and have learned from them. I think that is what it is all about. Learning and taking those experiences and doing our best to become a better person.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Just a word of caution guys. There are reasons our book suggests "our stories disclose in a general way"... Sharing that is too specific can be damaging in many ways, even worse when it emphasised for dramatic effect.
I have seen one man say too much about his sexual activities in his first meeting. Two days later it dawned on him what he had said, and he took his own life. I was only a couple of mths sober myself at the time and I was shocked that this happened. No one in that meeting judged the man or said anything unkind to him. Some of the older members tried to look after him.
I have seen a large number of our women be frightened away from mainstream AA by inappropriate 5th step style sharing from some of the men. The result is female newcomers turning up at our mainstream meetings and finding no women present.
We have had some trouble recently with serious unresolved crime coming out in meetings putting members in the position of witnesses. AA members enjoy no special privlages under the law.
JD, I commend your honesty and forthrightness in your sharing and it obviously had a powerful effect. I just caution others that we can be open and honest while speaking in a general way. There is no need, and much risk, in getting into graphic accounts.
I have seen one man say too much about his sexual activities in his first meeting. Two days later it dawned on him what he had said, and he took his own life. I was only a couple of mths sober myself at the time and I was shocked that this happened. No one in that meeting judged the man or said anything unkind to him. Some of the older members tried to look after him.
I have seen a large number of our women be frightened away from mainstream AA by inappropriate 5th step style sharing from some of the men. The result is female newcomers turning up at our mainstream meetings and finding no women present.
We have had some trouble recently with serious unresolved crime coming out in meetings putting members in the position of witnesses. AA members enjoy no special privlages under the law.
JD, I commend your honesty and forthrightness in your sharing and it obviously had a powerful effect. I just caution others that we can be open and honest while speaking in a general way. There is no need, and much risk, in getting into graphic accounts.
When feelings are expressed from the heart any speaker is great, the many exploits are sort of a side show to me at this point in my sobriety.
Be aware of the highlighted area as not many realize this.
BE WELL
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