Boy did I blow it

[woodtick]

I had the worst 4th of July weekend of my life, in fact it was the worst episode of my life period. I am so F##ked now. Last Friday I decided to call my best friend cuz I wanted to go do something and meet some people, ok, I mean meet girls. I'm not promiscuous, I'm just looking for the right one ya know. My friend meets me at a street dance and we go to a few bars and have some beers and what not. I end up getting so drunk that i jump in my car and hit the road. I drove past my house and was going to go to a little bar 20 miles down the highway. I got pulled over by the Minnesota state patrol and got a second degree DWI after I blew a 2.5 Breathalyzer. Nice. This is my second one in ten years so now the penalty doubles. Nice. I got booked into jail on Friday night and didn't get out until Wednesday. Five days in the can with a bunch of punk kids and a freakin compulsive liar that was convinced Bill Gates was contacted by UFO's and Jesus is coming in the year 2012 because of the Inca calendar! WOW! The judge wouldn't let me out on bail Saturday b/c its a gross misdemeanor (they called him at home.) Monday was a holiday and the place was full so I didn't get into see the judge until Wednesday. What luck. I finally see the judge, he says $6K for bail then the probation office lets me out w/o bail. Why couldn't I have just gotten the bail offer on Saturday? I haven't drank and drove for years and now this. I have one more day of driving then I loose my driving privileges for probably a year. I have no idea how I will get to school now once it starts and if I don't go to school I loose financial aid. If I loose financial aid I starve and loose my house, truck, dog (wife already left). I will probably end up with a $3K fine, 18 mad mother classes @ $100 each, two years of probation, jail/home detention time and worst of all, boozer plates on my truck and the insurance to go with it. To add insult to injury my ex-wife has been begging me to let her come home, I told her ok when I got out of jail on Wednesday cuz I thought I was willing to let someone else tell me what to do for the rest of my life and thought it would be best for me. Now she is treating me like the plague not to mention I think she's screwing every guy in town. ARGGGGGG!!!!!! BITE BITE BITE!!!!! It's every working man's nightmare. Does it get any worse than this? DWI, divorce, bankruptcy within one year and ex-wife screwing every guy she meets on the first date. I think I'm gonna puke.
Thanks for listening. Sorry for being morbid. I think I'm ready to try some AA meetings like Eddie told me to. I should have listened to her last week. I just don't know how the hell I'm going to get to the meetings now. I'm a piece of work right now, I'll tell ya.

[eddie z.]

http://www.area35.org/meeting.htm

((((Brent)))),
Call this AA hotline. You should be able to get a ride. 218-727-8117.
I'm so sorry things are as they are!
Much love,
Eddie

[dotcom]

((((Brent))))

sorry to hear about your terrible 4th of July weekend. ahhh yes, the joys of lockup. i dont really know what to say other than "i hope you learned a lesson!". hope i didnt sound motherish. lol. dont worry about sounding morbid, Brent. when i did probation "crap", i tried to get something out of it (even though when i left the classes, everything slipped out of my mind). but i remember those classes and how when i didnt do what i was sposed to i got the pleasure of going through it all again. im glad you didnt hit anyone while driving uti. youve got a lot of potential Brent! you are in a kickass college and are going to be a psychiatrist! dont give up on school, even if you have to use pt. its not so bad. i used to walk from school to work (approx 3 mi), its good excersize and saves the buck from using pt. but, bus passes arent so bad, and theres always taxis! take advantage of the fact that you are free and get your head clear. dont focus so much on the crap and corruption ... its not going anywhere! keep rocking and keep going to school! you have been very helpful to me, and i hope something i said was helpful to you. do whatcha gotta do man!

hugs and prayers,

dot

[best]

Right now you may feel like crap but in years to come, you may look at this weekend as the best thing that ever happened to you. A wake up call that showed you....no more beer for me.

Does it get any worse than this?

If you keep drinking do you think you could find that answer?
Does your state have a strike 3 law? 3rd time equals jail?

As far as the loss of lic. you can ask (may not get it but worth a try) Ask for a day time use lic. Ask for mercy from the judge. At least that may help you get about in the day time.
Most important.... find meetings and see what you can do to seek answers to help with not drinking. You already know the problems it can cause. I don't need tell you that. One day at a time and for the times like this weekend..... one moment at a time say no to picking up the first one. Worked for me, it can work for you.

[woodtick]

Eddie,
Thanks for the link, you arew a sweetheart. I was looking for somethink like that. Actually I live in Eveleth not Duluth, it might be very hard to find a ride since I live ten miles from town out in the boondocks.

Jess,
Thanks for the advice my dear. Yes you did sound motherly but thats ok, it hit the spot! Yes, I have learned a big lesson. I need to pick myself up by the bootstraps and start taking charge. I can't let this happen again, ever. My problem is there is no public transportation where I'm at and i'm twenty + miles from school. Long walk especially in the winter! LOL! I think your advice about corruption is the best place for me to start. Stressing about politics is killing me. That and worrying if I will ever find "her" is making me so dam depressed. I gotta get off of it and focus on me for a while.

Best,
I think after a few months I might be able to get a work permit.

[eddie z.]

Yeah, Jess is right about not focusing on the ills of the world at large. When I first started getting treatment, 20 years ago, I thought all my problems were because the world was f**ked up and I wanted to fix it. I really needed to look closer to home.

But this notion that you have to be in a relationship really concerns me, as I've said before. I agree that you need to focus on you and maybe figure out why you feel "she" is necessary for your happiness.

I knew you lived out there, so I was kind of tickled at dot's suggestions about public transport. (No offense, dot!) But you'd be surprised at what AAs will do in the name of service!

I can't remember, but you are in counseling, right? Well, you sound a little better this morning. I'm glad! Hang in there.
Love, Eddie

[dotcom]

Brent,

wow, you live far out there! im a city girl (not used to 20 mile trecks). LOL ed ... maybe i should call the gov of Eveleth and tell him how absurd it is not to have pt! just kidding! how are you doing today brent?

hugs,

Jess

[Alice Wonder]

woodtick i am putting good thoughts on you. get to some meetings if it's in any way possible and throw yourself on the mercy of the court!!! i'm pulling for you. don't worry too much about the world political situation it has always been screwed up but... there is always hope! take care of yourself and keep hope alive in any way you can. hugs-alice

[woodtick]

Eddie,
The fact that I don't have someone special is really wrecking me, I think I have a problem or something. I don't know. Maybe it's nature's way of perpetuating the species, a genetic biological imperative if you will! All I know is that I see couples together and think "I wish I had that." It really sucks when my ex is dating other people and I'm not. I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me. My biggest problem is that I just don't get out and meet people, I'm too friggin busy. I wanted to tell you that I went to an AA meeting tonight and kinda liked it. The gave me a free big book and some literature. Two guys gave me their phone #'s. I think this AA stuff is going to be alright afterall.
Yes, I met with my therapist this morning. She recommended AA as well for a place to start meeting new people. She also recommended doing treatment as well. She told me that going on a bender like I did can throw off my meds for up to a month so I gotta quit drinkin to find out where I am at with my meds. Makes sense to me.

Jess,
I'm doing well today, thanks for asking. I hope I can keep my head up through all this.
Hope that things will be good in my future is what has me motivated now and I have to hang on to that. God help me. I think I'm going to get a bike to ride. I've even had thought about buying a bass and playing again. I went on Ebay and looked at some cool 5-strings but I have other obligations before I start learning Nickleback tunes.

Alice,
You hit the nail on the head, I have to remember that every once in a while somebody comes along and puts the political situation back in line. It's just been such a dark four years! LOL! Anyways, thanks for the good thoughts. They are much appreciated.

Brent

[1Marty]

Hey Brent, Marty here. I know what your going through man! I looking foward to being without my license soon too (at best). Just wanted to say that despite all of my legal/personal issues, the AA program is not only helping to keep me sober, but it is showing me a great simple plan on how to live well! The program is alowing me to match calamity with serenity. I hope the best for you!

[Chy]

Dang! It does suck, but I hope this means your ready and realize, you just can't have that first drink. *hugs*

[runningfree]

Brent,
Wow, Thanks for replying to my PM. I was worried about you and I can see that you have had a tough time, but it seems like you are understanding what you must do to get on track. I will be thinking of you and hoping and praying that you feel good with your recovery.

Please don't feel that you must find someone. Although this is not for me to respond because I have someone and I would probably be the same way if I did not. I just know that if you don't take care of you then you are doing yourself a disservice and looking for someone will put you back with someone like your ex that can't appreciate the good things in you and only is using you for your feelings of inadequacy. You don't deserve to be ruled and powered by someone that is "coming back" and screwing every guy in town.

You really are better off alone and happy and working with good people in good friendships. You do deserve that!

Keep your chin up!
--Sharon

[eddie z.]

Hurray, hurray,
Brent went to AA!!

I'm so glad you "kinda" liked it. And you WILL be meeting people there! Treatment's not a bad idea either, especially while you're not in school. Enjoy reading that Big Book, too. It's great. Stay in touch!
Love, Eddie

[MootPoint]

Brent went to AA!!

:

You'll also find that ppl from AA will be willing to give you rides to meetings. I'm without a "legal" Maryland license, not due to drinking, but due to the state of Maryland being hardassed. I get rides to just about every meeting I want,

You're heading in the right direction. Now you know that you CAN'T drink, like so many of us here.

As far as relationships go, please listen to runningfree.

[Alice Wonder]

woodtick- the fastest and best way to magnetize love and that special person... is to embrace the love you already have in your life. family, friends, and of course most importantly-- the love for yourself. there is nothing more attractive than a man who is working hard on himself and trying to be a better man. I am sure what your ex is up to is a real tough ego hit but...if you can focus inward and strengthen yourself... what she is up to will fall to the wayside in terms of importance to you. i speak from experience on this one. the universe hates a void... so keep working on the person you want to be and the person who is right for you will appear when the time is right. the more focused and the harder you work the faster this will happen.
anyhow i am soooo glad you made it to a meeting!!! just keep embracing positive change in your life and take action to turn what could be a huge personal defeat into what can be the best thing that ever happened. i have a bunch of those myself!!! and in hindsight i am soooo thankful!!!! love-alice

[Dan]

Brent,
I'm sorry this came to pass.
Whatever you do, learn a lesson.
My best wishes to you friend.

[woodtick]

Thanks everybody,
The booze is unmanagable for me. I've known it for a long time. I just can't consume at all. Period. I'm an alcoholic and that's just the way it is. I didn't ask for it, want it or deserve it but I have it and have to deal with it if I want to survive.
I liked the AA meeting. It was good for me and I can see how it will help me grow not to mention that meeting people face to face will help with the lonlieness.
Thanks for your kind comments and support. I need encouragement.

[eddie z.]

You're oh-so-welcome, Brent!!!
Love you buddy,
Eddie

[one of]

>>The booze is unmanagable for me. I've known it for a long time. I just can't consume at all. Period. I'm an alcoholic and that's just the way it is. I didn't ask for it, want it or deserve it but I have it and have to deal with it if I want to survive.<<

Yes, you've known that for a long time and still find yourself in the predicament you describe at the beginning of this thread. Is there now sufficient despair within you for you to be willing to go to any lengths to get out from under a way of getting through life that you definitely see is no longer working?

You're right, Brent, AA meetings will help you grow . . . if you become willing to grow. You need to know up front that a willingness to grow along spiritual lines includes a willingness to let new ways of looking at life move you from egoism toward humility. The statement is within the twelve steps themselves, "These steps all ask us to go contrary to our natural desires . . . they all deflate our egos." That is what you need to be willing to let happen. That is what you first need to 'surrender to.' Blessings - one of

[woodtick]

I'll work my way out of this, that part I know without a doubt. The very depressing part is that now I probably look like quite a looser to women. 2nd dwi, no licence and an alcoholic. Not somebody many people would want to get involved with. I better get used to being alone for a while.

[eddie z.]

(((((Brent))))),
Learn to love Brent first, OK? Have you talked to your therapist about this notion that you must have a woman in your life in order to be OK? You are not a !! And I love you, and God loves you. Soon you'll have new friends in AA that love you. You don't have to waste your life searching for that special someone.

Weren't you the one talking about Cognitive Therapy? Listen to YOUR self-talk! The only one that thinks you're a is you. Do some positive self-affirmations. You're a bright compassionate man, but you need to see that for yourself before anyone else can. Have faith; things will work out!

Love, Eddie

[1Marty]

Brent, the program has helped me so much to deal with my situations. I face possible jail in the next few months due to my DWI. I came in scared beaten and tired. Stuff started to change when I started to work the steps. I am feeling more comfortable, and accepting of myself, and my legal situation. Best case, I'll just get probation and be without a license for a while. Not looking foward to using a Bike or the Bus to get around. Definately not how I pictured my life at this point in my career. But I have learned a really cool thing that I doubted at first, but found to be really effective. The program is showing me how to turn the fears in my life over to my higher power. Once I have done that I feel a calmness a serenity. When I'm calm and clear headed, I can better concentrate on woking on things I do have control over. Best of luck to you Brent.

[woodtick]

Thanks Eddie,
You are so kind. I just realized how detrimental the last four years of my ex-wife telling me how much of a disappointment I was to her have been on me. That mean, selfish woman is really tickin me off right now cuz I didn't deserve that. She's on the top of my AA list of people I feel resentment for at the moment.
Thank you for bringing that to my attention. You're an awesome person to have as a friend! I just have to start practicing w