Step Ten part c

[The Jay Walker]

Such a radical change in our outlook will take time, maybe a lot of time. Not
many people can truthfully assert that they love everybody. Most of us must
admit that we have loved but a few; that we have been quite indifferent to the many so long as none of them gave us trouble; and as for the remainder--well, we have really disliked or hated them. Although these attitudes are common enough, we A.A.'s find we need something much better in order to keep our balance. We can't stand it if we hate deeply. The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody, has to be abandoned, if only a little at a time.
We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had shown none. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understand and help them.
Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptly admit it--to ourselves
always, and to them also, when the admission would be helpful. Courtesy,
kindness, justice, and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody. When in doubt we can always pause, saying, "Not my will, but Thine, be done." And we can often ask ourselves, "Am I doing to others as I would have them do to me--today?"
When evening comes, perhaps just before going to sleep, many of us draw up a balance sheet for the day. This is a good place to remember that
inventory-taking is not always done in red ink. It's a poor day indeed when we
haven't done something right. As a matter of fact, the waking hours are usually well filled with things that are constructive. Good intentions, good thoughts, and good acts are there for us to see. Even when we have tried hard and failed, we may chalk that up as one of the greatest credits of all. Under these conditions, the pains of failure are converted into assets. Out of them we receive the stimulation we need to go forward. Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him, for we know that the pains of drinking had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.
As we glance down the debit side of the day's ledger, we should carefully
examine our motives in each thought or act that appears to be wrong. In most
cases our motives won't be hard to see and understand. When prideful, angry,
jealous, anxious, or fearful, we acted accordingly, and that was that. Here we
need only recognize that we did act or think badly, try to visualize how we
might have done better, and resolve with God's help to carry these lessons over into tomorrow, making, of course, any amends still neglected.
But in other instances only the closest scrutiny will reveal what our true
motives were. There are cases where our ancient enemy, rationalization, has
stepped in and has justified conduct which was really wrong. The temptation here is to imagine that we had good motives and reasons when we really didn't.
We "constructively criticized" someone who needed it, when our real motive was to win a useless argument. Or, the person concerned not being present, we
thought we were helping others to understand him, when in actuality our true
motive was to feel superior by pulling him down. We sometimes hurt those we love because they need to be "taught a lesson," when we really want to punish. We were depressed and complained we felt bad, when in fact we were mainly asking for sympathy and attention. This odd trait of mind and emotion, this perverse wish to hide a bad motive underneath a good one, permeates human affairs from top to bottom. This subtle and elusive kind of self-righteousness can underlie the smallest act or thought. Learning daily to spot, admit, and correct these flaws is the essence of character-building and good living. An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be the permanent assets we shall seek.
Having so considered our day, not omitting to take due note of things well done, and having searched our hearts with neither fear nor favor, we can truly thank God for the blessings we have received and sleep in good conscience.

[Gabe]

(((Jay))) that was beautiful, just beautiful. Thanks.