Social Anxiety

[yellowlabman]

Since moving to a new town my social anxiety has come back. I had a problem with this when I first quit drinking. Through time and work with my sponser and others in the program I seamed to overcome this. Now since moving to a new town and a bigger town it seams to have come back but it seams to have gotten worse. I don't even like to go to the grocery store and when I do I feel so uncomfortable. The only place I feel safe is in my own home and at the A.A. meetings. I don't know what to do to overcome this because it seams to be worse than it was before. I've never felt this way before. I used to do alot of traveling on the East Coast and in Europe with my previous job and never felt this way before. I know I was drinking all the time but wouldn't this come about during the day when I was sober? I'm really having a hard time with this because it's affecting me and my relationship with my girlfriend. I would really appreciate feedback so I can try and get over this soon because sometimes throughout the day I ask myself if being sober is worth all this? I don't think that I would go out and drink but the thought still scares me. When I go to the meeting tonight I'll bring this up but I thought I would run it by everyone here also. It seams that alot of the time I get things off the board that helps more than what I hear in the meeting.

[MootPoint]

At first, the only place I felt safe was at home

Then, I only felt safe at home and at AA meetings.

Then I was able to extend it to the radius of my AA meetings, like the grocery store, doctor's office, etc.

Then I started hanging out at my sponsor's house, which extended my distance further.

Get my drift? Maybe you can talk yourself into being safe for the area between AA and your house. If you are able to get to your AA meetings, you should be able to do what is in between. THat's what it took for this agoraphobic. Lots of self talk and practice.

Is your girfriend's house in your safety zone?

Being sober is definitely worth it. Remember that it only gets worse if you go back out!

[1Marty]

Hi Yellowlab man. I can reate to the Anxiety issues. I have had them in the past. I would have anxiety attacks whenever in various different types of social situations. I feared people. Nothing like hiding out in my garage with a beer or 12. But drinking got the best of me and made life truly unmanageble! I would say if your involved with the program, talk with your sponsor about it. Follow their suggestions. You just may need more time to adjust. If your still uncomortable, maybe talk to a Dr. I have had to be on anti-depressants to keep my anxiety/soical phobia under control. Best of luck!

[one of]

One of the things I heard early on that helped with social anxiety was the statement, "You wouldn't worry nearly so much what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did."

This was not only amusing, but had a ring of truth to it that allowed me to take a look at, "my great sense of importance" syndrome, i.e., inflated ego, and see that it wasn't really my friend at all. The larger I find my ego to be, the more ego neediness I possess in order to keep that sucker sufficiently stroked. Were I free of egoism, I would also be free from any concerns over how I looked or came across to others in social situations.

There is great wisdom in the third step prayer where I am asking to be relieved of the bondage of self, and 29 years after first making use of that prayer, my most used prayer still goes like this: 'Blessed Truth, this I pray, teach me your serene and humble way, and free me from the bondage of self a little more each day.'

For me, letting myself be moved from egoism towards humility without the resistance manifested by a strong ego-defense system is what it means to, "willingly grow along spiritual lines."

Dr. Bob kept a plaque on his desk (Dr. Bob & The Good Old Timers page 222) which defined humility in the best way I've ever heard it defined:

"Humility is perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all about is seeming trouble."

Once I see the wisdom of finding myself in that place, yet seeing clearly that nothing I can do will bring me to that place by any kind of 'striving,' the only question left is, how do I get there.

When Bill and his friends wrote the 12&12 some thirteen to fourteen years after the BigBook, they had begun to figure out what had happened to themselves to make sobriety the actual "easier softer way." So on the first page of step 7 we read, "Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all. Nearly all A.A.'s have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven't much chance of becoming truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency."

The first sentence of step 5 tells us how we will attain that humility. Believe it!

For me, I have found that if I am willing to take my fears, upsets, frustrations, etc. back to step 3 and ask myself, "How do I look at this feeling I'm having if I really and truly want to continue to implement the decision I've made here?"; then I lose my right to own those fears, upsets or frustrations. And if I don't have a right to have them, it's no fun to have them. There is, of course, a reward for the ego in every form of mental anguish or we wouldn't entertain any of it within us for five minutes. So when my ego loses its reward by my having lost my right to be miserable, I become willing to laugh at myself for wallowing in whatever the negative emotion I'm trying to make use of to comfort my ego might be.

Finally, it helped me to see that to whatever degree other people's opinions of me were a concern to me, to that same degree were those other people my higher power, and that portion of my life which I had not yet turned over to my third step Higher Power. Trust me, the day comes when making use of Step Three above in the way outlined will give you near complete freedom from the making use of other peoples eyes as your higher power.

Blessings, one of

[Depressed1104]

i know what you guys mean. the funny thing is that i didn't even know i had social phobia until i moved to a new school during my junior at highschool. I didn't have any friends or anything. life was miserable. now i'm in college and i still do not have any friends. does any one know any methods of curing social phobia without taking any pills or seeing doctors?

[one of]

Yes, My suggestion is to first get up the nerve to ask someone to sponsor you. That may take more than you can do right off the bat, so pick out someone who seems to be the sort you could talk to and ask them to coffee after the meeting. Then tell them about your social phobia. Start small, talking to one person. Secondly, stay sober awhile, and then, when a newcomer comes through the door, help make him feel welcome and spend some time with him (naturally if you're female, make that a her ) sharing how you've been able to stay sober even with social phobia. But nothing will cure you as smoothly and simply as honestly, open-mindedly, and willingly surrendering to the entire 12 step program without reservations and begin internalizing it into your life. Blessings - one of P.S. It occurs to me that you may not be an Alcoholic and just found your way here to speak of your phobia, if so, the 12 steps will still work wonders for your problem, (just put in place of alcohol the term 'social phobia, i.e. "I am powerless over my social phobia and my life has become unmanageable." More Blessings - one of