lovejava

If you've gotten to step 4 with a sponsee and they relapse, how do you proceed in step work?

tomsteve

back at step one. heres what the pamphlet,' a guide to the 12 steps of AA" says:
WITHOUT the first step there is no chance
of recovery.....
He may go years and years with-
out touching intoxicants, yet when he does, he
will be back in the same old squirrel cage again.
Strangely enough, case histories prove that he will
be worse than he was before.
So it is not only important that we admit that
we are powerless over alcohol, but that we CON-
TINUE to bear in mind at all times that we are
alcoholics. Only complete sobriety can make us
and keep us normal.

sugarbear1

I don't get to step 4, I get through step 7.

If they relapse, we start at 1 and get through steps 4-7 again. Move forward from there.

I know too many who stopped before 9 and the results were still nil.......(they aren't sober today or aren't ready to stay stopped)

lovejava

Thanks. Obviously I know that relapse is an indication of a first step reservation and a lot of "working" the first step for a lot of us is reading. My question really is more about WHAT to do back at one if they know what's in the book, re-read?

sugarbear1

work the steps again

tomsteve

carry the message of what step one means.
then leave in gods hands.

theres a difference between knowing whats in the book and accepting it as true.

Threshold

I'd have them do a real examination of what part of 1 they didn't really accept? What reservation or circumstances do they still think it's ok to drink during? Why?

Because it looks like there is SOME part of life that they believe is more manageable while drinking. That part may be step 4 and looking at their life.

I don't know how you did 1 the first time...so it might just be repeating that, or might be going into more detail about what drinking has done in their life, and where they are headed.

soberhal9

There a difference between knowing and understanding that you are powerless over alcohol and Totally accepting it.

When I came into AA, I had a first step experience. Meaning that I accepting to my innermost self that I was an alcohol and I needed god.

That first step experience pushed me through the rest of the steps, pushed me to go to meetings, do service. I live in steps 10,11,12 and it all comes back to my first step experience. I have prayer and quiet time in the morning and night. and I practice step 10.

Mostly what I see with people who are surrended is they show that by what they do. Watch the newcomers feet who have surrended they are greeting people at meetings, making coffee , getting sponsors. I don't think anyone could have pushed me to do that for me, my 1st step experience has pushed me to do it. my sponsor only guided me through the steps.

Gal220

When I first started working with my current sponsor, I was coming back to the program with five years of sobriety, but I was on the verge of relapse. So mentally and spiritually, I guess we proceeded in the context of relapse. Of course we read the Doctor's Opinion, There is a Solution, More about Alcoholism, and the appropriate chapters of the 12x12 (which apparently is controversial to use for step work, but is common practice here). But I read on my own, making notes, and then we talked. That's what most of my step work has involved with regards to my sponsor. I read and follow the directions in the book, then we discuss, revisit if needed, etc.

So I guess with regards to relapse, we talked about my reasons for quitting to begin with (much like what Threshold mentioned). What about my life was unmanageable when I first came in? What was unmanageable now? Why was I entertaining those thoughts of using alcohol as a solution to my problems? What was I imagining versus what would probably actually happen if I took a drink? (So in the case of someone who actually took the drink, what was their thought process and how did it actually turn out?) What does true emotional and spiritual sobriety look like, and what things do I need to be doing to get there? And what situations in life might occur that I feel would "warrant" or "allow" me to drink? (The answer to this for me to truly be able to find serenity and have the obsession removed is none.) And since I was starting over with a new sponsor, we also had the conversation about what sponsorship was, what we both expected, and what I would do differently this time around.

Based on our conversation, we proceeded to the next steps when she thought I had truly accepted Step One. This occurred over several meetings. Many of those questions she posed and then I went home and wrote about them. She never reads what I write; I just share what I feel comfortable sharing.

For me, the idea of drinking again also really got down to Step Three. I knew better (Step One), but was unwilling to let God deal with things. I wanted to feel better/different now, and wasn't willing to wait on God or do the things I knew I needed to do. I wasn't willing to trust in God or the process. So to me, relapse isn't automatically a Step One issue. I might fully acknowledge my powerlessness and the unmanageability in my life, but I might just not care. I might know that drinking won't help anything, and that it will only hurt me. In that moment, I might be totally willing to throw everything away for that drink. I might not be under any delusions at all that I am trying to drink like a normal person or that I will come back from it. That to me points to Steps Two and Three (obviously I know a lot of people will disagree!). I know I am lost and hopeless, but I don't believe God can or will help me, or I don't want to let Him. (And yes, I know that loops back to unmanageability and Step One )

Sorry for the rambling. I'm struggling with some of these things again, so it sort of just came out!

Edit: Perhaps I see relapse that way because even though I have struggled with the obsession, I did not actually pick up. To me that seems like such a small difference, but I don't know, maybe it makes a huge difference in mindset!

ToxicTonic

I'd say maybe you haven't had enough yet. Come back when you're ready. In fact it indicates both in the Big Book and the 12 and 12 to go back and do a little R&D if you're not sure of your condition.

It may sound a little harsh, but it's a program of attraction, not promotion.

paul99

An incomplete fourth is less concerning than the conceding to my innermost self that I cannot drink like others, with impunity, that of my own I am nothing, that there is something out there that can relieve me of the obsession to drink, and that I can make a decision to allow that power to do so. Somewhere along the line, one or all of those things broke down.

If any sponsee had gone back out, I would start with step one and move on.