Does AA Have Hidden Membership Rules?

[AnotherOne]

Hi all

Prompted by the "sponsorship vs. dictatorship" thread I thought I'd post the link to an article titled "Does AA Have Hidden Membership Rules? " which is in the current issue of Grapevine.

Very thought provoking.

http://www.aagrapevine.org/currentGV...den_rules.html

Michael

[best]

suggestions, suggestions, and suggestions

90 in 90 wouldn't work for me (or so I would think never having done it)
What suggestions do... if you look at what the outcome of following suggestions such as 90 in 90, it takes about 3 weeks to break a habit and it takes another 3-4 weeks to build a new habit. 90 days would be burning new habits in place. Plenty of practice.

12 steps are not suggestions but are an accepted proven way to get sober and stay sober.
Suggestions are things that work but may not be workable for all people.
I would look at what the outcome desired from a suggestion would yield before I would ever say it is wrong.
The 12 work. Suggestions I would look at as added tools as we are all individuals. a 5/8 wrench fits some... me I needed a hammer and a 2 by 4 to wake me up *LOL*

[Dan]

Echoing best here...
90 in 90 is a Fellowship thing, suggested sort of as an intensive way to approach sobriety, as I understand it.
The Home Group, the Sponsor, the Steps...
These things all carry with them suggestions.
The only thing that I think must always remain clear is my desire to stop drinking.
The rest is either background noise or gravy

[Chy]

Yup suggestions that work!

Howst ever, I'm being honest when I say I too couldn't do the 90 and 90. Not because I didn't want to give it my all I simply couldn't manage it. It stressed me like you wouldn't believe, as I wanted to be the perfect little AAer, and graduate early! But, we all know we never graduate, just continue to make improvements, continue to take those inventory's continue to achieve spiritual excellance.

So though I rely heavily on all the suggestions presented to us in our program, I do them all to the best of my ability, and my sponsor will let me know I'm sure when I'm lacking in my progress, that I do trust!

[MootPoint]

I echo Chy's "suggestions that work" statement.

I did the 90 in 90, not because it was suggested, but because I NEEDED to do it. And I still go 6-7 days per week, more often 7. Not because I'm a perfect AA'er, which I'm not, but because I'm an imperfect human.

[Dan]

Originally Posted by MootPoint

Not because I'm a perfect AA'er, which I'm not, but because I'm an imperfect human.

Anyone tell you they love you today Moot...
Cause I does

[KelKel]

Moot, Dan, Chy, Best, Michael

[The Jay Walker]

90 in 90 ??

if you count service work and conventions, I went daily the first couple years, I did miss a few days though.

[Dan]

Originally Posted by The Jay Walker

90 in 90 ??

I went daily the first couple years, I did miss a few days though.

Jay!

[Mogqua]

It is said that we should always guard against authority, conformity, and dominion.
That our natural desires to do these things are what we are trying to change within ourselves so that we join the world we once rejected and that once rejected us. We see this nature in newcomers and oldtimers alike ever more clearly as we leave our "old selves and nature" behind. We choose to take suggestions made in our writings that no one in our meetings seem to think important.

There are no rules, only suggestions.
At first we do them because we think we have to.
Then we do them because we see the benefits of doing them.
Then, we do them because we really want to.
Then we share our experience, strength, and hope we found by doing them and find that they imply suggestions for others to try.

I can only tell you what I did and suggest them to you to try.
You don't have to do them.
After all, maybe you are different.

<<<<<~~~~~*****~~~~~>>>>>

I'm sure I did 500 meetings or more in the first year.
Not every day, but then there were times when I did four meetings in one day.
Turning every drinking and using experience in on itself and towards sobriety.

Ex:
If I drove 100 miles to get a certain chemical from a certain connection, then I can drive 100 miles to hear a certain speaker at a certain meeting.
Since I drank and used every day I had it, then I can do something for my program every day.
It has to be at the very least as important as my drinking and using were.
Even more works better and faster.
(If one meeting is good, just think what two will do!)
That includes:
To be of service, call my sponsor or another in recovery, go to a meeting, read something about alcoholism, addiction, or recovery.
Or all of those things when necessary.

Put in as much effort as you want it to work and it will!

Another suggestion:

Join the 20 & 20 crowd.
(That's show up twenty minutes early and "hang out" twenty minutes after they shut the door.)

[MootPoint]

Join the 20 & 20 crowd.
(That's show up twenty minutes early and "hang out" twenty minutes after they shut the door.)

Great suggestion, Mogqua.

[Music]

All this talk about hidden rules, etc., is interesting. I've been in AA quite a while and heard all the saying discussed here right from day one. There's nothing "hidden" about them. There are a lot of things we hear at meetings and in discussion that aren't in the Big Book. Doesn't mean these things aren't pertenant to good recovery. The reason 90 and 90 has been around the years I've been around is because it works. It's a good target to shoot for. Of course, there are some who can't do exactly 90 in 90 and it would take a real simpleton to not be able to understand that.

People try all the time to shoot holes in the AA program just to give themselves some kind of justification to not go to meetings or work the steps. The only reason to come up with some rediculous idea like "hidden rules" is because some folks just don't have the balls to say "screw AA, I'd rather drink."

I was told early on that if I don't like AA, the people in AA or the steps, I could have all my misery back. I didn't want the misery...pure and simple.

[AnotherOne]

Music

I think you have missed the point that the writer of the article was making.

90 in 90, don't make any major changes in the first year / 2 years, don't date, follow the orders of your sponsor no matter what, and many more.
None of these are part of the 12 step recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The program is in the book. Anything else is just someones ESH

When people start adopting these ideas as unofficial rules they are attacking the very foundation stones that our fellowship is built on.

I find it astounding that people like me who made a complete mess of running their own lives get a bit of sober time, work a program for a while, and then think they should be running someone elses life!!

The section about the Actor on Pages 60 - 62 warn about just that.

The "Power greater than ourselves" is not another alcoholic.

Keep it Simple. Talk about the program in the Big Book and trust God to do the rest.

Michael

[Music]

I agree that the foundation of the AA program, the AA program itself is contained in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. However, over the years, these tried and true suggestions have been passed down from one AA to another. There's nothing in the BB about men sponsoring men and women sponsoring women either but it's highly suggested that in order to not create new material for a fourth and fifth step that this practice be adopted.

I was told once that a policy is something that is adhered to no matter what. A practice is something that is suggested as a good idea but isn't fixed in stone. I'm not condoning running someone else's life. That's how some interpret sponsorship though, and my suggestion to those people is to go ahead and take charge of their own life and see how it works for them. When I was new in the program I tried my best to follow the Big Book(still do)and to listen to what people said at meetings because there's a lot of good information derived from ESH that is shared and adopted as practices....not policy.

I still say that if someone wants to find something wrong with AA, they can pick just about anything. And again, I say to them, go ahead and try it your way and let me know how it works for you. I've been to meetings in Europe and South America and they all say the same thing. 90 and 90. No major decisions in the first year, and another of my favorites is, "Take the cotton out of your ears and stuff it in your mouth." God gave us two ears and one mouth. I wonder what He was trying to tell us.

[Chy]

Originally Posted by Music

People try all the time to shoot holes in the AA program just to give themselves some kind of justification to not go to meetings or work the steps. The only reason to come up with some rediculous idea like "hidden rules" is because some folks just don't have the balls to say "screw AA, I'd rather drink."

I have to agree with you there Music. Not all, but I see it in most that have an aversion to AA, honesty is key!

[AnotherOne]

The writer of the article was not criticising AA or the 12 step recovery program. He was questioning a number of things that he has observed being passed off as part of the program when they are quite clearly not.

Music.

There are no such things as policies or practices in AA.

There are the 12 steps, the 12 traditions and peoples experience.

As to 90 in 90

I know some people who did over 200 meetings in their first 90 days, and others who did less than 20. All are still with the fellowship, sober, active and a great example.

To face the newcomer with a target like 90 in 90 when they perhaps don't know how they are going to get through the next 90 minutes is doing nobody any good. Better to offer to take them to another meeting yourself. Remember, it is 1 day at a time.

We are all on a journey, and each persons is different.

Michael

[Music]

Hi Mike,
You're absolutely correct in what you say. People are different. Newcomers are confused and don't know whether to sh*t or go blind, and my ESH is different than yours and others in some respects. I have to comment though on the fact that the writer of the article was quick to mantion "rules" that aren't mentioned in the Big Book to help a person get started in AA but didn't bother to mention the fact that some AAs think it's ok to take a step a month or a step a year, and that the steps are "only suggestions" which leaves the newcomer with the idea that he needn't really take the steps if he chooses not to and there's no big hurry, that he has all the time in the world. At the end of each step in the Big Book I read a certain sense of urgency into getting on to the next step. In How It Works I read, "If you want what we have, and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps." THEN means right now! There are people who are going to read this and say, "Well that's just Music's way of interpreting the Big Book" and they'd be perfectly right in saying that. It is also my way of getting a newcomer started by telling him to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. Not a rule, just a good idea in my opinion. Progress, not perfection is another practice we talk about and the newcomer needs to hear about that too.

I read an article not to long ago having to do with how AA isn't as successful today as it was years ago. IMO AA is just successful today as it has ever been. AA hasn't changed one bit. The people in AA have changed. When I came to AA there were very very few treatment centers so that people got to AA off the streets, so to speak. I didn't have a clue what to do when I came to AA. I really needed help and guidance to get started. I had to place my faith and trust in Jerry Murphy(God rest his soul)to get me going. Today we've got a bunch of high bottom drunks who think because they go through a treatment center and get a little bit of self-knowledge they can pick and choose which part of AA they like and which part they don't like. That's why people have a hard time stopping drinking. AA isn't for people who need it, it's for people who want it......ALL OF IT!! The program has to be worked in it's entirety...not piecemeal. A person either wants to stop drinking or they don't. Either get IN the program and work it or just kind of float around the program and pick the parts that seem comfortable.