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Old 10-25-2013, 06:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
Serenity Now!!!
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma, U.S.A.
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I need a sponsor.

Hello all. I'm returning to the program after quite a long period of active use. I've had a sponsor in the past. This poor man has stood with me through my comings and goings numerous times. I feel I have punished him and wasted his time more than enough. I'm thinking a new sponsor might be the thing to do. I only have two days sober now, but I once heard a speaker say he put off getting a sponsor because he didn't want anyone telling him what to do. Then he realized people were always telling him what to do. The boss tells him when to show up, the wife tells him to get out and the cops tell him to get in. Lol
Such is the case with me. I guess what I'm looking for is tips or insight into picking the right guy. Any experience or input is greatly appreciated. Thanks
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Old 10-25-2013, 08:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Wildog, and welcome back!
It's fairly common for someone returning to get a new sponsor. I don't think it's essential by any means, but a lot of folks are looking for a different experience, or have some awkward feelings or whatever. It's a good question. I think solid sponsorship is very important.

What attracted me when I got sober, was a guy that claimed to have an answer. He talked continuously about having a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps. Actually, it was two guys, and I picked the one that answered the phone first. My point is that none of the other stuff mattered. I really didn't like the guy much (although he did become and remains one of my closest friends today), didn't agree with a lot of what I heard from him, and didn't like his self-righteous attitude and BB thumping. But, it was clear that he knew how to take a hopeless dude like me through the Steps. That was all that mattered at that time.

My current sponsor is much more focused on living the Steps as a way of life and on applying them to current circumstances and life conditions. It's a good fit for today.
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Old 10-25-2013, 08:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Make it your goal to work well with a sponsor. Then just ask someone to help you work the 12 steps. Actually do it.

Working with a sponsor is a skill. Learning how to give the facts and then share how I felt.......cutting out my "spin" was major growth. Learning to notice when I was determined to take some action and deciding to actually run it past someone first was another major step forward.

Learning to let someone know when I was thinking awful and feeling worse.......very major.

All of it is good.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:41 AM   #4 (permalink)
Serenity Now!!!
 

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Thanks for the replies.

QUOTE=muvinon;4258015]Make it your goal to work well with a sponsor. Then just ask someone to help you work the 12 steps. Actually do it.

Working with a sponsor is a skill. Learning how to give the facts and then share how I felt.......cutting out my "spin" was major growth. Learning to notice when I was determined to take some action and deciding to actually run it past someone first was another major step forward.

Learning to let someone know when I was thinking awful and feeling worse.......very major.

All of it is good.[/QUOTE]

This sounds really familiar to me. I definitely had a tendency to make horrible choices on my own, then I would ask for help in dealing with the wreckage. Also when asked how I was, I'd say fine even if I was losing my mind at the time. Accepting help doesn't come naturally for me. I'm trying g to do it right this time thanks again.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:02 AM   #5 (permalink)
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someone who has worked the steps and practices the principles in all their affairs.
someone with a sponsor themselves( and peferrably not someone who burns through sponsors like a person with diarrhea burns through toilet paper).
someone that has what you want.
but its not gonna matter who it is if ya don't put in the footwork.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keithj View Post
I really didn't like the guy much (although he did become and remains one of my closest friends today), didn't agree with a lot of what I heard from him, and didn't like his self-righteous attitude and BB thumping. But, it was clear that he knew how to take a hopeless dude like me through the Steps. That was all that mattered at that time.
This sounds to me like a perfect 1 - 9 step sponsor. The sponsor who ended up helping me the most was the one that I liked the least.


However, when it came time to do steps 10 - 12, I needed a sponsor that I could talk to for long periods of time without resentments getting in the way.
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Old 10-25-2013, 01:29 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Ha ha, Boleo, it's funny you say that. My current sponsor is Step 10-11 fanatic. Also very encouraging of taking that Step 10 stuff into prayer and meditation, and following through with Steps 4-5-6-7-8-9 when an issue sticks. Continuous assessment, prayer, and action.
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Old 10-26-2013, 04:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I am also returning to the program after being away from it for a few months.My old sponsor lives far away now and there are some things that happened when I relapsed that I think damaged our relationship. I plan on getting a new sponsor even though there aren't many women to choose from out here. *When the student is ready, the teacher will appear * It's a little nerve wracking to think of doing my 4th and 5th step with yet another sponsor! Ugh. Hopefully I can find someone that is a good fit. My old sponsor is still special to me. She was my sponsor for 14 months and I was sober that whole time and active in the program but I balked at step 9 and ended up relapsing
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* December 4th 2013 *
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