Confession time

[best]

Reading over the many posts here. The different stages of where people are in their recovery. I am remembering things that I may have blocked out of my memory for one reason or another.
Grew up in a home where there were many adult parties over the years growing up.
Would ask for a sip of beer as a child …it was given. Would sneak down stairs the next day and try drinking left behind drinks of scotch and whiskey at around ages 8-10.
Baby-sit I would sneak beers from the house I was at when around 13-14 years old.
Around 16 years old we would find people to buy for us and Fridays became our night.
Wouldn’t get caught because my parents were drinking at home.
An alcoholic (dad’s standard of one) was the guy who would sit in a bar all night and stager home at midnight. To sit at home and stager to bed at midnight was OK though?
16-21 did many stupid things when drinking. Car crashes never happened when drinking…did them when sober. I don’t have a problem.
Pot and acid… well one concert and the paranoid feeling I had from them together, pot and alcohol became my only DOCs. Married and thinking children in the future, pot needed to go. Didn’t know if it would cause problems or not. Daughter born and when drinking I had put her at risk (wake up call) It is here that I say I stopped drinking.
As I read the posts here and my memory comes back more clearly, I remember that the wake up call and my acceptance of the need to stop were a few years between each other.
Though I had stopped to the degree of not staying out all night after my son was born and I had lost a good paying job, I was still drinking at home. Still being like so many others who I read about here and how their relationship with alcohol caused problems for family.
Hey that was me I am saying as I read so many posts.
Seems I need to reevaluate and go over a step or two with this newfound info I have acquired.
I didn’t use AA but as life dealt me the steps by God’s hand, I have gone through the steps. Backwards in order, sort of, but I have gone through them.
Spring of 77 was my first wake up call. Summer of 79 (lost a job) was a second big wakeup call. 79-87 was (as my dad would call it) social drinking stage.
April of 87 is the last time I sat down to drink because I wanted to do so.
All these years I have been lying to myself and to others it seems. I would say I stopped shortly after my daughter was born (1977) I have come to realize it was some 10 years later. That shows me on my own I was able to stop but if I had gone with AA and the steps from the get go…maybe it would have been a 10 hour, 10 day or 10 week stop period…NOT 10 years.
Looking back what I see is most important…. I have stopped. Days, years, months, doesn’t matter…though 25 years sounds nice. The important thing… I did not drink or use Today. So as of today I will say 17 years of one day at a time Not 26 +
Tomorrow I will add one more day as I continue to work the steps and gather any needed strength from God.

Even though I have been sober for a bit, I still am learning and I thank you all for being my teacher. This site is filled with so many awesome people.

[Ninerfan]

And you are one of those awesome people Best. Happy Birthday.

I'm glad your here best.

[Dan]

Well, for what it's worth, from a former empty tomb occupant,
I've come to see in your posts a clarity of purpose.
And that is not always the case here. Teach on best...
I hope we stare at many more full Moons

[In memory of miracle]

Thank - you (((best)))

[Kathi]

Hiya best!

Great share. Even if I don't like what I'm thinking, remembering, or feeling, I always get this really cool feeling when I realize I don't know everything about myself and I actually learn something new. Kind of like when you realize something you didn't before and you go "wow, I never thought of that". I guess for me it kind of reaffirms that there is a reason why I'm on the earth which is to continue learning.

I don't know if that makes sense the way I said it - but it is a good thing. Keep plugging!

-Kathi

[Music]

Congratulations best.

As I've been told so many times, I need to remain "teachable." Otherwise, I'm not open to learning the lessons I need to learn today.

[mnj1024]

If you were standing here I'd give ya a hug man, thanks best!

mike

[KelKel]

Thank you for sharing Best!

[MootPoint]

Standing in line to give you hugs (((((((( Best ))))))))))'

Your name says it all!

[best]

As I was posting my thought was ... I need to come clean and accept what was, not what I quacked myself to believe over the years.
Sorta a humbling experience. A cleansing.
Now you all say such nice things... my head swells and the humbleness leaves.
How am I to fit my bike helmet now? *LOL*

Thank you all, you are so kind. In time I am sure we will all meet up and can share those hugs one day.

[Rudiger]

Best,

I can't believe I missed this thread. I don't post much but it has been my priviledge to be able to read your input here on this site. I always get to clicking when I see your name here. Thank you for being you and for taking the time to make this thread so full of honesty. Congratulations on a decision well made 26 years ago, 17 years ago, and today. Regardless of the time frame it is clear you are the kind of man who has the best interest of others in mind. Your commitment to consistantly doing the right thing is the BEST example for me today.

Rudiger

[Chy]

Congratulations best!!!

Boy I had to make sure I didn't type that post! Thanks for all you contribute! Have a fantastic day!

[Don W]

Hey Best, Great post. You remind me about all the signs I never saw until I sobered up.
I can identify with most everything. The most important was about putting your children at risk. This scares me to just think about it. Hang in there and keep up the good work. Don W

[Dan]