How fast do some people work the steps?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 198
How fast do some people work the steps?
I have a feeling I may have inadvertently done steps 2-4 while trying to get a solid grip on step one.
I was looking at why I am dependant on alcohol and why it has so much power over me and how I can stop this and improve myself so that I can understand why.
You can not improve on something that you don't think is broken.
I do this I had to realise that I am powerless over alcohol and I as I am so logical, I really shouldn't have locked god out of my heart. He helped me through all my challenges as a child and kept me safe even through all the abuse but it was when I became an teenager and new better and thought I could now control the world that I locked him out. I know now that I am not better or smarter then god and I cannot control the world.
I have also been looking at all the reasons why I am stressed out, what took me to pick up the bottle and putting aside all the lies and justifications as to why I would chose to drink and then binge. It mostly comes down to the fact I am so stressed is because I am chasing the white rabbit down the rabbit hole. I will never be content or satisfied with what I have. I need to become ok with the fact that I will never be the best at anything and there is always someone better. I should just stop and enjoy what I have instead of always wanting more more more.
I didn't even look at steps 2-4 or try to even bother with them until I had completed in the best ability what I think of as step 1.
I was looking at why I am dependant on alcohol and why it has so much power over me and how I can stop this and improve myself so that I can understand why.
You can not improve on something that you don't think is broken.
I do this I had to realise that I am powerless over alcohol and I as I am so logical, I really shouldn't have locked god out of my heart. He helped me through all my challenges as a child and kept me safe even through all the abuse but it was when I became an teenager and new better and thought I could now control the world that I locked him out. I know now that I am not better or smarter then god and I cannot control the world.
I have also been looking at all the reasons why I am stressed out, what took me to pick up the bottle and putting aside all the lies and justifications as to why I would chose to drink and then binge. It mostly comes down to the fact I am so stressed is because I am chasing the white rabbit down the rabbit hole. I will never be content or satisfied with what I have. I need to become ok with the fact that I will never be the best at anything and there is always someone better. I should just stop and enjoy what I have instead of always wanting more more more.
I didn't even look at steps 2-4 or try to even bother with them until I had completed in the best ability what I think of as step 1.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
When I came to AA I knew I was an alcoholic and believed that AA and God could restore my sanity. I was at step 3.
"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have re* lieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?" (Alcoholics Anonymous, HOW IT WORKS pg 60.)
It is suggested that you take Step 3 with your sponsor.
"We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!’’ We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.
We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once."
(Alcoholics Anonymous, HOW IT WORKS pg 63.)
Step 4 requires a sponsor. I needed explanation and guidance, and then an objective view point to see my part.
Sounds like you are making a good start. I'll warn you against trying to use your intellect and logic to work this program. Our intelligence is worthless against the foe of alcohol. Keep coming back!!!
"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have re* lieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?" (Alcoholics Anonymous, HOW IT WORKS pg 60.)
It is suggested that you take Step 3 with your sponsor.
"We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!’’ We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.
We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once."
(Alcoholics Anonymous, HOW IT WORKS pg 63.)
Step 4 requires a sponsor. I needed explanation and guidance, and then an objective view point to see my part.
Sounds like you are making a good start. I'll warn you against trying to use your intellect and logic to work this program. Our intelligence is worthless against the foe of alcohol. Keep coming back!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 198
What I mean is that I think I have done a lot of the ground work for the next few steps. Like the student that reads the text book before class and accidentally jots down most of the answers the teacher will ask. I personally do not think anyone ever will fully get 100% marks with god for all of thesteps as that would mean being cured and I know that this is a battle for life. I think that I am getting a very good grasp on many things in these first 4 steps. I have been using my past psychological reports and assessment s to look at all my defects up. I have a vefy flawed personality. There is no point going to my sponser and shrugging my shoulder s and exclaiming, I don't know. They will not know either. I am using my sponser and future sponsers to help me and hold my hand. Not push me in a pram.
One of the things I have done was download a 500 question fact sheet on if you may be a bully or abusive and answered every single question honestly and gave myself two examples of why.
One of the things I have done was download a 500 question fact sheet on if you may be a bully or abusive and answered every single question honestly and gave myself two examples of why.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Laconia
Posts: 813
Quote: Fishy
I didn't even look at steps 2-4 or try to even bother with them until I had completed in the best ability what I think of as step 1.
I didn't even look at steps 2-4 or try to even bother with them until I had completed in the best ability what I think of as step 1.
by the words "Being convinced we were at Step3......." In Bill W's original manuscript he had another sentence which stated:
"If you are not convinced, re-read the first 60 pages and if still not convinced at that point throw the book out !" or words to that effect... More succinctly:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. = Step 1
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism = Step 2
(c) That God could and would if he were sought = Step 2
Or better yet:
Step 1 = I can't
Step 2 = He can
Step 3 = Let Him.........
Finally, read "The Adage of the Day for 8/30/13"
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
Step 4 has very specific instructions. Your sponsor can share how they did the step. Answering a 500 question personality survey, or referring to your psych assessments, is not the same thing as working a 4th step. This is a spiritual program, not a psychological one.
I applaud your admission that you have a flawed personality. You are taking a step toward humility. However, these steps need to be worked as outlined. They are in order for a reason. We don't make up how to do it as we go along. If you are serious about working the AA program, get a good sponsor who has worked the steps, and listen to them when they tell you how to work the steps. It's not a "do it yourself" program!!!
I applaud your admission that you have a flawed personality. You are taking a step toward humility. However, these steps need to be worked as outlined. They are in order for a reason. We don't make up how to do it as we go along. If you are serious about working the AA program, get a good sponsor who has worked the steps, and listen to them when they tell you how to work the steps. It's not a "do it yourself" program!!!
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 198
Originally Posted by Kathleen41 
Step 4 has very specific instructions. Your sponsor can share how they did the step. Answering a 500 question personality survey, or referring to your psych assessments, is not the same thing as working a 4th step. This is a spiritual program, not a psychological one.
I applaud your admission that you have a flawed personality. You are taking a step toward humility. However, these steps need to be worked as outlined. They are in order for a reason. We don't make up how to do it as we go along. If you are serious about working the AA program, get a good sponsor who has worked the steps, and listen to them when they tell you how to work the steps. It's not a "do it yourself" program!!!
I applaud your admission that you have a flawed personality. You are taking a step toward humility. However, these steps need to be worked as outlined. They are in order for a reason. We don't make up how to do it as we go along. If you are serious about working the AA program, get a good sponsor who has worked the steps, and listen to them when they tell you how to work the steps. It's not a "do it yourself" program!!!
. She is a nice enough person and I know that if I am falling off the wagon, I can talk to her, but I can not afford to sit back and wait for a perfect sponsor to come along the same as I can not afford to be complacent about the extent of my problems. One of the things I have learnt about myself so far is that due to my insecurities, I unintentionally verbally abuse my boyfriend. I put him down in the hope that it can make us even. He is so perfect in my eyes and I just don't measure up. To fix this I need to work on my verbal communication skills, my feelings of self worth, improving areas of my life I feel are lacking, humility, to stop being proud, to stop being jealous and if all else fails tell him good job instead od how I am feeling if it is negative.
I did this for over 30 different negative traits I have. I am sure most people would call that spiritual. I don't know.
I am the type of person who NEEDS to be very pro-active or complacency will destroy me. I am also not a person who hides from themselves. I can not do that due to the nature of my disability. Thankyou for your advice though
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
"...my feelings of self worth, improving areas of my life I feel are lacking, humility, to stop being proud, to stop being jealous."
I uncovered this in my 5th step, after writing my 4th step as outlined in the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
I wish you well in your personal journey
I uncovered this in my 5th step, after writing my 4th step as outlined in the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
I wish you well in your personal journey
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Kathleen41
Step 4 has very specific instructions. Your sponsor can share how they did the step. Answering a 500 question personality survey, or referring to your psych assessments, is not the same thing as working a 4th step. This is a spiritual program, not a psychological one.
I applaud your admission that you have a flawed personality. You are taking a step toward humility. However, these steps need to be worked as outlined. They are in order for a reason. We don't make up how to do it as we go along. If you are serious about working the AA program, get a good sponsor who has worked the steps, and listen to them when they tell you how to work the steps. It's not a "do it yourself" program!!!
I applaud your admission that you have a flawed personality. You are taking a step toward humility. However, these steps need to be worked as outlined. They are in order for a reason. We don't make up how to do it as we go along. If you are serious about working the AA program, get a good sponsor who has worked the steps, and listen to them when they tell you how to work the steps. It's not a "do it yourself" program!!!
Makes perfect sense to me, but then my understanding comes from having worked the steps and continuing to apply them in my life.
But I understand why it won't make much sense to you. In my experience, the steps cannot be understood in advance. My action was always miles ahead of my understanding. It's the action that is important and the guidance of a sponsor and the big Book will help insure it is the right action.
As Kathleen said it's not a diy program. I would have said not self help. The purpose of the program is to connect you with the God of your understanding who will solve all your problems. Nothing to do with psychology unless you refer to the "moral psychology" that Silkworth alluded to.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Fishy
I need to become ok with the fact that I will never be the best at anything and there is always someone better. I should just stop and enjoy what I have instead of always wanting more more more.
I have learned a great deal not only about myself but about others. There are people that have more than I have and I am not talking about just material items. They have a peace about them. They are comfortable with themselves and their lives. Even when trouble knocks on their door they remain serene.
Some of these people I have known since the day I walked into AA but I did not see this about them until I started working the program and going through the steps. I am blessed to not only know these people but that I have them to teach me.
Do I want this kind of life? Yes. Do I want to feel like they do someday? Yes, but for now I accept that I am right were I need to be. It is not just learning a new way of thinking, it is feeling it, and that takes time.
I can already feel the promises working in my life and others around me see it too. It is not a race, it is a journey, one that does not end and I do not walk it alone. There are people in front of me, behind me and some are walking right next to me but we are all on the same path.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
there have been in the past, several alcoholics here with Autism.Talking with some of them may help you along.If you are interested,you can do a search.
I feel like a ordinary sponsor in AA would have a hard time but there are some AA sponsors who are really good and could succeed in helping you.I wish I had more to say
I feel like a ordinary sponsor in AA would have a hard time but there are some AA sponsors who are really good and could succeed in helping you.I wish I had more to say
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 198
Thank you for you advice everyone even if it was not what I need.
One of the major things with my disorder is that I can not understand other people. I know this, another thing about autism is that people with autism know a lot more abiut themseves then anyone without autism can ever imagine. My issues with alcohol come from self medicating to act normal and relate to normal people before I go places.
The part most people dont understand is that the part of the preamble to AA meetings about some disorders not being able to be helped by aa is in regards to Autism. I need to tweek it and work it to my advantage.
I will try pm ing past users but in my experience with others on the spectrum I will not get much luck once the interest in the program is over.
One of the major things with my disorder is that I can not understand other people. I know this, another thing about autism is that people with autism know a lot more abiut themseves then anyone without autism can ever imagine. My issues with alcohol come from self medicating to act normal and relate to normal people before I go places.
The part most people dont understand is that the part of the preamble to AA meetings about some disorders not being able to be helped by aa is in regards to Autism. I need to tweek it and work it to my advantage.
I will try pm ing past users but in my experience with others on the spectrum I will not get much luck once the interest in the program is over.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
I agree that advice isn't what you needed or asked for. I'm sorry for offering what seems like advice. It's really my personal experience that I offer. I am pretty new to the program myself, and I thought I could do it myself when I got here. I learned I was wrong, I needed help.
You may have a medical issue, many of us do. The program tells us that it can still work for us "if we have the capacity to be honest." So there is much hope for you in the AA program. I have been sober for nearly 10 months, and the way I am doing it is by working the steps as outlined in the book, with the help of my sponsor. It's not advice, it's my experience. You too can have what we have, if you are willing to go to any lengthy to get it!!
I sincerely wish you well.
You may have a medical issue, many of us do. The program tells us that it can still work for us "if we have the capacity to be honest." So there is much hope for you in the AA program. I have been sober for nearly 10 months, and the way I am doing it is by working the steps as outlined in the book, with the help of my sponsor. It's not advice, it's my experience. You too can have what we have, if you are willing to go to any lengthy to get it!!
I sincerely wish you well.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Kathleen41
Step 4 requires a sponsor. I needed explanation and guidance, and then an objective view point to see my part.
Sounds like you are making a good start. I'll warn you against trying to use your intellect and logic to work this program. Our intelligence is worthless against the foe of alcohol. Keep coming back!!!
Sounds like you are making a good start. I'll warn you against trying to use your intellect and logic to work this program. Our intelligence is worthless against the foe of alcohol. Keep coming back!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
Originally Posted by Fishy
What I mean is that I think I have done a lot of the ground work for the next few steps.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
How fast do some people work the steps?
I worked them as a form of "triage" in two 5 hour sessions within 2 days. Some can do them in one day. They do need to be worked on again, though, so that we can get more in depth....
I worked them as a form of "triage" in two 5 hour sessions within 2 days. Some can do them in one day. They do need to be worked on again, though, so that we can get more in depth....
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I've done them in less than an hour (not a FINISHED 9th step --amends) and I've also been doing them for over 6 years. I've done step 6 in a couple seconds.....and I've "sat with it" for maaaaany months.
Your path is YOUR path. What others have done, will do, and so forth shouldn't be of much concern. That said however, if this is your first exposure to actually working the AA program, what seems to get the strongest results from what I've seen and experienced is quick but frequent working of the steps.
For example, if you did a short 4th/5th step (written inventory / sharing with God and another person the "exact nature" of your wrongs {not just "sharing your wrongs"}) and you did that every day.......for a year......you'd be WAY ahead of where I was after a year having done one "big" inventory.
I tried to be methodical going through them the first time. Afraid to mess something up lest I get struck drunk some day. Also, my past was so painful I didn't dare screw this recovery deal up. Looking back I see the error in that thinking. Who was I to judge how to do something I didn't really understand and didn't have any experience with? I should have listened more to my sponsor and picked up the pace.
The good thing to come out of my slow yet methodical approach was this: as I slowly THOUGHT about the steps and refused to WORK them, I can see now that there must have been some power greater than me at work keeping me from that next first drink because at the pace I went......it took a LONG time before I had that "spiritual awakening" and began to experience - in my life - the promises in AA's 10th step.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alchol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If temted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the MIRACLE of it. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. pg 84-85 AA big book
Your path is YOUR path. What others have done, will do, and so forth shouldn't be of much concern. That said however, if this is your first exposure to actually working the AA program, what seems to get the strongest results from what I've seen and experienced is quick but frequent working of the steps.
For example, if you did a short 4th/5th step (written inventory / sharing with God and another person the "exact nature" of your wrongs {not just "sharing your wrongs"}) and you did that every day.......for a year......you'd be WAY ahead of where I was after a year having done one "big" inventory.
I tried to be methodical going through them the first time. Afraid to mess something up lest I get struck drunk some day. Also, my past was so painful I didn't dare screw this recovery deal up. Looking back I see the error in that thinking. Who was I to judge how to do something I didn't really understand and didn't have any experience with? I should have listened more to my sponsor and picked up the pace.
The good thing to come out of my slow yet methodical approach was this: as I slowly THOUGHT about the steps and refused to WORK them, I can see now that there must have been some power greater than me at work keeping me from that next first drink because at the pace I went......it took a LONG time before I had that "spiritual awakening" and began to experience - in my life - the promises in AA's 10th step.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alchol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If temted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the MIRACLE of it. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. pg 84-85 AA big book
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