Been thinking about a drink, nearly 3 years sober
 

Hi all, i've been thinking about a drink the last couple of days. I've posted here about my sponsor being ill and don't feel as though i can approach him, so felt a bit on my own with my thoughts.

Done prison service tonight and heard a powerful share from a lifer with many years sobriety, like he was really talking to me about how I had been feeling. Felt better because of it, so thought i'd post here.

It seems that when i have passed the alcohol in the shops, I have felt a longing for it, even noticed the prices.

It's my birthday tomorrow which hasn't panned out the way I have wanted it to, I have drank on my birthdays before so guess i may be concerned with that. Also coming up to 3 years in a weeks time, my sponsor always says sober birthdays makes you think about a drink.

Thanks for reading my share.

Digderido--when my sponsor is not available, I have back up people who I can call...I was told early to develop a 'sober network'...these are people I have met in the rooms and have gladly given me there phone numbers...Don't narrow your chances....try & broaden them..3 years sober is awesome. Don't let yourself & others down...

[QUOTEmy sponsor always says sober birthdays makes you think about a drink.][/QUOTE]

My sponsor said that a few times....when a birthday was coming up, on occasions the thought of a drink would enter my mind..near birthdays, he would warn me of thinking about the week or month ahead rather than staying in the moment, in the now... i still get into a strange reflective mood near or on birthdays....not drinking thoughts but not entirely comfortable...never really put my finger on exactly why but it passes quickly.

Interesting thread, as I am going to have 2 years in about two weeks or so. I have been reflecting a bit, of course, but more about the difference between the first year and the second year...about how things have changed, and perhaps how somethings remained the same. Character defects, changes in my life, service, etc...what have I done, what haven't I done? I actually spoke a bit about this to my sponsor last night. It will be interesting if anything else comes up as the day comes closer. Who knows.

As for having a sober support - I totally agree. I have a few numbers that I use when my sponsor isn't around, or if I want another look at something. Some have more time than my sponsor, some have less time than me. It's a bit of a range of them, but I tend to lean on the old timers most.

Glad to hear you went to a good share..

I have heard this, and I had those same thoughts...

I mean really I would relapse over and over at one or two months..

As as a alcoholic thinks.. I would make it 1 month... And my first thought was WOW how cool is this and I deserve a drink for such a accomplishment.

I listened to that voice to many times.. Instead of using the defense's that the program has give me..

I definitely get nuts around my birthday. Your sponsor is spot on.

I Can't say I relate to this thread. I have had a few birthdays and they are always occasions of great gratitude. In our neck of the woods the birthday boy buys a cake for his home group, so my biggest problem is what sort of cake to get.

My attitude to alcohol/recovery seems to be pretty much along the lines of what is promised in the Big Book. Perhaps best summed up in the 10th step promises - "the problem does not exist".

But this wasn't a gift. "A price had to be paid"I worked through the steps as suggested, quickly and thoroughly, witholding nothing, and was blessed with a spiritual awakening.
The obsession was removed and has never returned. This is what was promised, provided I did the work.

Hi Didgeridoo

Just wanted to let you know I have confidence that you'll get through this - ask for wise counsel loudly and often - use all the tools available to you :)

D

Each time I started drinking, I drank too much, made myself feel bad, and had regret over it.

Also, it started a demand in my body for more.

When I drank again after not drinking, I told myself I would drink 2 beers, say out of a 12 pack.

I imagined I would make the 12 pack last.

I would drink about 8 beers.

I would then have to go out again the next day for more, because now I only had 4, and knew that would not be "enough". This started a cycle of daily drinking after not drinking at all!

A total plunge into drunkeness all from one drink...the first one. Then I would beat myself up over the cost of it...it's expensive to drink, and then my body would give me pains in my liver and stomach...along with headache, or vomiting.

The beer would lead to vodka in a couple of days. Then I got to start the process of withdrawal, all over again...when I finally felt beat up enough by the booze. No fun.

It's amazing that I would ever drink again...but I did this for most of my life.

How much is enough?

There's never enough.

The end result is always the same.

Don't fall for the illusion.

Stay strong, immerse yourself...stay in the middle of the pack...

Don't fall to the wayside.

The illusion is that it will be different and cause no harm, but we know that's not true.

Each time ....each binge...served only one purpose...to escape...for oblivion...for fantasy...to feel good, but that's not the truth of what happened.

I hope you can look back at your history with when you hit bottom, and can draw on that memory to protect you.

I hope you remain under God's grace, safe and protected.

Happy Birthday!

Don't make yourself sick.

Respect yourself, love yourself, be good to yourself.

Someone needs you I am sure.

:day2

In over 50 years of drinking I don't think I got very close to even one year of
sobriety. Still trying (2 weeks) and back at meetings after 17 years.
Don't look in those shops.We have Victoria Bitter here and when I see the V.B. sign I think Vile Brew.

One of the strangest experiences I've had in my ten years is this. I had a resentment against someone in our area, but "didn't know where to put it" because everyone knew the guy and I didn't want to besmearch his name in the area. I sat on it for awhile but stopped talking to him. Eventually I stopped going to meetings. I hadn't been to a meeting in about a month and a half and was driving by a bar, while drinking a diet coke.

The soda was cold and bubbly - getting those refreshing tingles down my throat - but my thoughts turned to this fierce "wish" that it was beer instead. I was at a traffic light and could peer into the window watching others drink with impunity. My cell phone rang.

It was that dude. We resolved the issue. I didn't drink. I got back to meetings and grabbed a dude up and worked the steps with him.

I was @3-4 years sober.


There's been scattered times of other interesting experiences along those lines. Some when I'm "spiritually fit" because no coincidental phone call rescued me but I felt "protected".


It'll pass. The work out of the book, meetings, frequent contact with fellows - new and old - all helps.


Good luck man.

From Working With Others..
"People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status."

Digderidoo,
Sorry to hear about your current struggles. Great choice to bring this up. You may find it helpful to bring it up face to face with other AAs as well.

I'm not trying to criticize your program. That's not why I posted the above excerpt. I don't know where you are at spiritually, but when I read a post like yours from an AA member, my mind immediately goes to spiritual health. One thing I have noticed is that a spiritually fit person does not desire a drink.
My suggestion, take it or leave it, would be to take an honest look at your spiritual life. Are you being honest in all areas of your life? Do you have any amends that you are avoiding? Are you spending time with your Higher Power often? Are you helping others? Cutting corners with responsibilities? Are you practicing the principles in all your affairs? etc.
These are the types of things I need to look at when I am not feeling up to par. My shortcomings in those areas manifest as restlessness and irritability in other areas of my life. Eventually those things lead to a desire for a drink.

Wish you the best!

After a couple of months sober went to the doc and found my liver function enzyme tests were much better......Where did I go next?......Right!.....quite insane.:react

Alf 16

Funny how intuitive strange things kind of happen and we tend to fob them all off as "coincidences".:thanks

My experience was i worked the steps in the first few months of sobriety and basically the obsession for alcohol left and now a few years down the line i just don't drink, its no big deal and its a choice.

If i had cravings for alcohol i would drink, that's why AA worked for me i guess it promised that the mental obsession would go and it did.

Fortunately i don't really get the thinking a drink through thing. If the person has worked the steps to the best of their ability with rigorous honesty and still has the mental obsession then they are one of those unfortunates mentioned in the BB i guess? Dunno?