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procastinating step 1

Old 01-28-2013, 07:12 PM
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procastinating step 1

Im slightly manic these days so I find it hard to focus on tasks. Probably should get meds adjusted or cut down on the caffeine. I was supposed to start the step one packet today but I cant bring myself to do it. I would rather be doing social things right now and hanging with my friends. I started connecting with other women and men and going out for coffee more. I dont want my sponsor to think I am slacking though. Just felt like sharing.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
I was supposed to start the step one packet today but I cant bring myself to do it.
I would rather be doing social things right now and hanging with my friends. I started connecting with other women and men and going out for coffee more. I dont want my sponsor to think I am slacking though.
I wouldn't worry so much about what my sponsor thought as I would what my alcoholism thinks.

Not doing what I should have been doing and, instead, doing what I want to do.....focusing on things that make me feel good "now," is precisely what GOT me here.
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:10 PM
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I think it's a balance. I'm trying to find that balance. I need to do things that make me feel good because I am trying to find myself but i also need to do the steps. So I read chapter 2 and 3 of the big book tonight and tomorrow I will read step one in the 12 by 12. Then hopefully start the worksheet. I feel bad about myself enough I need to do something good for me everyday. I need to stop beating myself up all the time that is what my therapist told me today.
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:19 PM
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remember we deal with alcohol: cunning baffling,and powerful.
the best thing you could do to feel good about yourself is work the steps. yes throw out the arse kickin machine. heres a suggestion for ya:
every time you go by a mirror, look at yourself in it and tell yourself yer a good person and worth the footwork.
i really hated myself when i got into AA. i was suggested that along with saying something like that to myself, to make 2 signs and put them on the bathroom mirror. one said" the problem" with an arrow pointing to the person in the mirror(me) and the other said "the solution" with an arrow pointing to the person in the mirror(me). it helped remind me that i had a huge part in what was done to stop hating myself so much. worked pretty good!
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:42 PM
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No one suggests that you be cloistered in some nunnery for life. And balance, yes is important. But if memory serves me correctly, I recall not too long ago the anxiety you were having about your ex-sponsor, about not working the steps, about wanting to move forward. And now the sponsor is great, she's given you the work, seems your anxiety is not so bad, and now you want to go out with your pals, date, and chill for a bit (my words, not yours, I know).

What DayTrader and tomsteve have said so far are bang on. This is life and death stuff. You're starting a journey that is fantastic, but it starts by putting one foot in front of the other. Doing the work.

You mentioned that you are trying to find yourself. We all want that in our recovery. It's something I still do now - to strip more and more of the ego and all the crap that came with my alcoholism away and find the real me. The only way I get to do that is by working the steps. The steps point to the real you, through your Higher Power.

You're certainly worth the effort.
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
I think it's a balance. I'm trying to find that balance. I need to do things that make me feel good because I am trying to find myself but i also need to do the steps. So I read chapter 2 and 3 of the big book tonight and tomorrow I will read step one in the 12 by 12. Then hopefully start the worksheet. I feel bad about myself enough I need to do something good for me everyday. I need to stop beating myself up all the time that is what my therapist told me today.
Balance is the one thing you don't need right now. My balance was way out of sorts when I came to AA. I was drinking all the time....every day. I needed to counter-balance what I was doing so I started to go to meetings every day, and more on he weekends. I felt better almost immeditately because I was not drinking and I was doing something constructive with my life instead of destroying my life and the lives of those around me. Oh, and one more thing. You'd do better following your sponsors directions than continueing to figure things out for yourself. That's what got you to where you're at.
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:33 AM
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Perhaps the problem is this "packet."

You've mentioned this twice. It sounds like some internet package deal.

Good luck. I guess if that's what your sponsor asks you to do, and you like that sponsor, then do one page of the packet at a time. Eventually, it will be finished.

And not quite so overwhelming if you set up small goals.

Me? I'd get a sponsor who works from the Big Book.
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:50 AM
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I like the packet to be honest. I dont care if its not AA approved. I always do better with questions. I did 3 pages of it today. And I disagree I need balance in my life. Because the reason why I drank is because I wasnt very centered and selfish. Now I realize it is important to work the steps fast but it needs to be done slowly and thoroughly. I do talk to my sponsor a lot and listen to her. Im trying to become more centered as a person. Now I believe working those steps will help. I just want to take them slowly and do them thoroughly.
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Old 01-29-2013, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
I like the packet to be honest. I dont care if its not AA approved. I always do better with questions. I did 3 pages of it today. And I disagree I need balance in my life. Because the reason why I drank is because I wasnt very centered and selfish. Now I realize it is important to work the steps fast but it needs to be done slowly and thoroughly. I do talk to my sponsor a lot and listen to her. Im trying to become more centered as a person. Now I believe working those steps will help. I just want to take them slowly and do them thoroughly.
I have never been successful at creating balance in my life. My attempts to do so usually result in things getting more out of balance. IMO there is one who has the power to create balance in my life and as long as Im in the way He is not able to do it. The steps get me out of the way and allow Him to do just that.
I suggest to anyone to use extreme caution when working the steps slowly. I have never heard of anyone going back out because they worked the steps too quickly, but have seen countless in just 4.5 short years go back out because they moved too slowly.
"When the spirtually malady is overcome, we straighten out physically and mentally." Treat your alcoholism first. The rest will follow.
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Old 01-29-2013, 09:11 AM
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I understand what you are saying thumper and the rest but before I joined AA I r sat in my room all the time and drank. I never did anything productive. I had a high bottom. Now I am just starting to like myself again. I want to do a lot of things sober and I want to do the steps I just want to do them right. Im not making excuses I just have to think long and hard to really be honest while answering the questions. Tomorrow I will do 3 more pages. I have no intention of ever going back out and drinking I never want to have to start over again and i dont want to die.
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Old 01-29-2013, 10:05 AM
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I'm glad you're working on the steps! You can have a social life and still work on the steps. I have personal experience with getting a little bit of sobriety, being pretty happy, and then "procrastinating" on the steps. I felt good, I was being productive, building a life for myself - all things I didn't have when I was drinking. So it was easy to put my sobriety on the back burner. I slowly became discontented, even though sober, and eventually miserable, wanting to drink again, knowing I couldn't. Five years after starting AA, I'm finally doing the work. It's only by the grace of God that I was able to stay sober.

I don't think anyone here is saying that you can't have a life also. From your original post, it sounded like you weren't doing any work at all, that you were coasting on a pink cloud. Just remember that without sobriety, all the things you are enjoying right now could be lost. So sobriety has to be a priority, and I'm saying this from personal experience. Don't let the things around you distract you. Working on it a little a day is great! Keep plugging away at it!
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Old 01-29-2013, 11:21 AM
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Are you really done drinking? Working the steps slowly and trying to get them "right" has taken more people back out drinking.....and putting that personal "life" above working on one's self has also seen the same results. Willingness to go to any lengths is imperative.

I really wish you well on your sober journey!
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Old 01-29-2013, 01:18 PM
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Thanks everyone and
@sugarbear I am really done drinking. I just work at a different pace than others. Ive got a goal to have step one done by the middle of february and part of it done when I meet with my sponsor next. Im not going to rush through these steps and do a half assed job just because there is a possibility I might relapse. Thanks for sharing. May I ask how long have you been sober?
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Old 01-29-2013, 02:32 PM
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The question to ask is "Have you worked the steps slowly so that you didn't 'do a half assed job just because there is a possibility that you thought you might relapse?'" YES

.....and it kept me drinking for another 25 years with progressively worse consequences.

Then ask, "How many times did you attempt those steps slowly?" About 8 times, maybe more, again continuing with relapses and worse consequences.

"Did you work the steps quickly, so that there would be true relief?" YES

"And since that time you worked through the steps quickly without attempting to work them 'the right way,' have you had any obsession to drink, any cravings, or have you had anxieties, social phobias or irrational fears, boredom or stress in your life?" NO, and my life isn't close to perfect, but I'm okay in my own skin, no matter where I am.

"Have you worked through them more thoroughly since the first time you worked them rather quickly for that relief?" ABSOLUTELY!

"Were the results just as profound as the first time?" YES

I share my experience. Happily sober since May 16, 2011.

With love & hugs,
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Old 01-29-2013, 02:46 PM
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Wow Sugarbear you made me think and change my mind a little bit about somethings. Congratulations btw.

My sobriety date is May 31st 2012. I have 8 months so far. I never thought i could do it. I was so miserable when I walked into AA I wasnt willing to listen to anyone and I refused to read the big book but then I started reading it and started to believe in god. I have been a member of AA since 2009 and used to relapse every 90 days. I celebrated my first sober birthday and sober christmas and thanksgiving. I cant say I live the program perfectly or the steps at all but I feel a lot better. I still have a lot to learn.

Has anyone ever read a womans way through the 12 steps. I love the book.
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Old 01-29-2013, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
Im slightly manic these days so I find it hard to focus on tasks. Probably should get meds adjusted or cut down on the caffeine. I was supposed to start the step one packet today but I cant bring myself to do it. I would rather be doing social things right now and hanging with my friends. I started connecting with other women and men and going out for coffee more. I dont want my sponsor to think I am slacking though. Just felt like sharing.
Our literature says that procrastination in sloth in five syllables. That we should take the bit in our teeth.

When I came in, I needed a solution and I needed it NOW. No way I was going to quit and stay that way unless the obsession was lifted from me. Taking the steps did that for me.

Hope your way works. Good luck.
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:02 PM
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I finished half of the step one packet today.
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