AA meeting or Bar?

[Gutterdrunk]

Originally Posted by Little Missy

That doesn't sound so bad today!!

I was thinking today, about how, overtime, that I just got so used to being so miserable, all of the time. I would just sit and stew, letting anger and resentments just eat me up. My sponser says that it's like drinking poison, and expecting someone else to die.

Now with some soberiety, and after working the steps, I see that being miserable was the only thing that I knew, and it also gave me more fuel for my rationalization and justification for drinking or using.

Now, I still get angry, I still get scared, but, the way that I react is what is different.

I can't sit in my own s**t for very long anymore. The smell never bothered me before, but it does now.

What a differnce a day makes!

[Don W]

I identify, anger turns on me like a wild dog. It grows inside me like cancer. Once inside I have a difficult time dealing with it. I now have to keep it from happening. It is hard to walk away due to sometimes false pride. I also will stew about it. I get angry
with myself because I know the other person is going about their life without a thought of me. I'll spend hours going over what I should have said, and rehearse what I'll say when I see them. Life is better when I just let it go. Don W

[Little Missy]

Last Thursday, I went and made the coffee for the meeting. Then decided to go have a drink. But instead, went and talked to another AA member. Saved my butt yet again!! Been having a tough time lately. Wanting to drink just seems to sneek up on me. I went to only 1 of the 3 meetings I ususally attend last week. Haven't been online as much. And my sponsor is out of town, so I haven't been calling anyone even though I have plenty of numbers. HUM, I wonder what the problem is? JEESH!!

An old timer at the meeting always says we have to stay in the AA environment. Well I certainly have not been doing that. Been praying a lot, I read the 3 step prayer every morning, have "had" to be around alcohol a lot, but haven't been doing the whole program.

I think that with starting my new job, I have started to believe that I am "normal". (I know, "what is normal?", but you know what I mean) I have started feeling like the time I have to spend on AA is taking my time away from my kids. (I know, "how much time did you spend drinking?") I'm not use to only seeing my kids for about an hour or two a day. I'm just trying to figure all of this out. Lots of changes in my life right now. They are all wonderful changes and I am truely grateful for them. Just have to adjust again to living a different kind of life sober!!

Soooo, f2f AA meeting tonight!?! You better believe I'll be there!!
Love to all,
Missy

[ted]

lil ONE

[Gutterdrunk]

Originally Posted by Little Missy

I have started feeling like the time I have to spend on AA is taking my time away from my kids. (I know, "how much time did you spend drinking?") I'm not use to only seeing my kids for about an hour or two a day.

Balancing my recovery with my family and jobs has been dificult for me. Come to think about it, balancing anything has always been dificult. I have always had 2 speeds, dead stop or full throttle. I tend to take everything to the extream, and then get burnt out.

But recovery has to come first, or everything else is gone.

That's why I have several tools "recovery tool box" . If I really need to, I go to meetings everyday. But, with some time in the program, and working my program eveyday, I go to 3 to 5 a week. When I leave a meeting, I always know when the next one will be. I don't like to leave it open ended. Daily, I call my sponsor, and/or another AA, I read something out of one of the books. Sometimes that reading is in my Email box, (I subscribe to several AA emails), sometimes I crack the books. I surf the online message boards, and most importantly, I pray, when I start the day, and when I end it. Sometimes, I go and park my car in a quiet place at lunch, and just have a gratitude prayer, just thanking God for all that I am blessed with,a messy house, a car that barely runs, kids that won't listen, etc... for me the difference between a good day and a bad day, I my attitude

And sometimes I have to start over, that is a gift for me, to be able to start my day over as many times as needed.

And when I feel that God is not doing anything for me on a particular day, because things arn't going my way, that maybe he is to busy to listen to a sorry Guterdrunk like myself, I have to remember, that I havn't taken a drink today, because God is doing for me, what I can't do for myself.

And thats big, really big.

So what's in your tool box Missy?

[Little Missy]

Thanks for the hug Ted!!

Gutterdrunk, I love what you posted. I just have to keep "working the program". Not let myself slack off! Believe it or not, I do have a lot more great days then bad ones. I just don't get them all posted! LOL

Been reading about step 7. So basically, we are granted peace by being humble. How cool is that!! All I have to do is quit thinking "I'm all that" and I can be at peace.

This weeks delema...
Since I started my new job, I am actually around people. I find myself talking about others. I say things in a "I don't understand why she did this?" sort of way. That way, I'm just confused, rather then bad mouthing her.

AND, I also have noticed that I feel superior to some people. Only because I have to teach them things that seem so simple to me. Now if a mechanic was telling me how to fix my car I'm sure he/she would feel superior to me. I'm so confused. I don't "talk down to them". They need my help. Oh...I can't explain it. I think I'll call my sponsor.

Anyone have similar circumstances?
Missy

[lulu70]

Missy, I have a lot of those same experiences. I have found, in sobriety, that I tend to think I am either better than other people or they are better than me. (Mostly that they are better than me.) My therapist says this comes from my low self-esteem and negative self-talk. It is hard to see ourselves as equals with others when we feel so crappy about ourselves.

When I was a kid I got made fun of ALOT. I was always the biggest one in my class. (Not necessarily fat, just very tall.) I began to put all those meanies down in my head to make myself to feel better. That kind of thinking stuck. I heard once in a meeting, we are not responsible for our FIRST thought. We ARE responsible for the thoughts that follow. By concentrating on making my thoughts about myself more positive, my thoughts about other people will become more positive as well. Does this make any sense? Basically, if I feel better about myself I will feel better about others.

I guess the most important thing is to remember to give yourself a break. "Recovery is progress, not perfection!!"

[Little Missy]

Tonight is one of the nights I go to f2f meetings. I am trying to figure out what it is about the Tuesday night meeting that is bothering me. For over a month now, I've been telling hubs that I just don't like it. I keep going, but something isn't right. Anybody ever have this happen before?

Sometimes I think it's because certain people say things that I don't think is right, or that just get on my nerves. But that would mean I'm being intolerable, so I change that before I go. My sponsor (who quit attending this meeting) told me that's just the way that some people work their program. Then I feel like I'm working mine better (hehehe), but that would be my pride getting in the way... so I try to allieviate that too.

Maybe I need to just stop thinking about it so much. Starting to really dread it and can't figure out why. I could go to a different meeting on a different night, but that would mess up the schedule hubs and I have with the kids. Oh well, if I have to then I will.

Confused AGAIN!!
Missy

[Gutterdrunk]

Yes, LM, I've been there also.

My sponsor told me to take what I can use, and leave the rest, priciples before personalities.

Personaly, I have found that when someone or thing is bugging me, that I really need to pay attention. Because it is easy for me to tune it all out, and miss the miracle.

[Little Missy]

Awe!! Cool way of looking at it!! Thanks!!

[Gutterdrunk]

So how did it go?

[Little Missy]

Well, I lived through it. The topic last night was a little controversial. It was about talking about drugs at AA meetings. I was tolerant and felt that everyone was entitled to their opinion. I'll just have to wait and see what the next meeting is like, when we discuss topics as they are related to alcohol.

Hugs,
Missy

[Gutterdrunk]

Glad to hear that you lived through it. I have found, that sometimes I just don't click with a meeting, and that's OK, if there is another meeting to get to, I am fortunate because between where I work and live there are a lot of meetings daily, with a wide variety of people and personalities. I don't know if you have that luxury.

I agreed to go to any lengths, which means sometimes, I will go to a meeting that I may not care for, or begrudgingly do things that my sponsor asks me to do, or lead or read at a meeting when I don't feel like it.

You get the picture.