Need your advice on how to apply the principles
Need your advice on how to apply the principles
of AA to an issue I am having.
My Mom died of cancer two months ago and her husband is posting pictures of himself with a woman on FB.
This is bothering me. I am doing a 4th step and he is on there already and I just added him again for this.
WTF am I supposed to think and do and act like? He lives 2000 miles away.
I haven't talked to my sponsor yet about this. I will this afternoon.
My Mom died of cancer two months ago and her husband is posting pictures of himself with a woman on FB.
This is bothering me. I am doing a 4th step and he is on there already and I just added him again for this.
WTF am I supposed to think and do and act like? He lives 2000 miles away.
I haven't talked to my sponsor yet about this. I will this afternoon.
Keep working that 4th step around this.
On p 67 there is a line in the book that says "...God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one." I find it helpful to turn that into a prayer. "God please show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of ____."
On p 67 there is a line in the book that says "...God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one." I find it helpful to turn that into a prayer. "God please show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of ____."
Thats a good lookin chocolate lab by the way! Im a sucker for a chocolate.
Well, I guess I can look at the bright side. The drunk me would ruminate and then get crocked and sound off on facebook. And then feel like crap.
I know it is really not my business. I should not judge. My Mom even told me she told him she wanted him to get remarried. She did not want him to be alone.
I just do not approve of the time frame.
But again, it is not my business. I just need to release the resentment.
I know it is really not my business. I should not judge. My Mom even told me she told him she wanted him to get remarried. She did not want him to be alone.
I just do not approve of the time frame.
But again, it is not my business. I just need to release the resentment.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 133
Please google "The Paradoxical Commandments"..............It will help you alot.
Re: the issue you posted about, if I am understanding it correctly (please correct me if I am not) Your mom died and this man is now a widower, and has met someone else. How do you apply the principles??................Be happy for him. Let him know your happy for him (even if your not) It would be incredibly selfish of you to deny / begrudge happiness to another, when the reality of the situation is, it's really none of your business to begin with.............................Good Luck
Re: the issue you posted about, if I am understanding it correctly (please correct me if I am not) Your mom died and this man is now a widower, and has met someone else. How do you apply the principles??................Be happy for him. Let him know your happy for him (even if your not) It would be incredibly selfish of you to deny / begrudge happiness to another, when the reality of the situation is, it's really none of your business to begin with.............................Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I realized that I was really the most pi$$ed at myself.
It sounds like your mother's husband isn't your father ... I don't know the whole story but working on your resentment for him will be very beneficial to you.
"Don't sweat the small stuff" and it sounds like he and his situation is small stuff.
All the best.
Bob R
It sounds like your mother's husband isn't your father ... I don't know the whole story but working on your resentment for him will be very beneficial to you.
"Don't sweat the small stuff" and it sounds like he and his situation is small stuff.
All the best.
Bob R
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 1,003
The way I apply the principles in these types of situations is to just watch my actions. I am extra careful to be respectful. Then I deal with my own feelings and judgments with my sponsor and close AA friends.
If I'm not going to see the person much, then it's pretty easy for me to let go. If I am going to have to see the person, then it might be harder. Maybe it's a good idea to not see the person's FB postings for awhile.
If I'm not going to see the person much, then it's pretty easy for me to let go. If I am going to have to see the person, then it might be harder. Maybe it's a good idea to not see the person's FB postings for awhile.
all of the above, AND...you can set your FB page so you don't see his posts. That way you and he are still friends, but his stuff won't show up unexpectedly on your feed and knock you upside the head.
Sometimes it's good for us to filter out information that isn't any of our business but that we can get all kinds of angry over. Just like the radio news...sometimes I just have to turn the channel.
Sometimes it's good for us to filter out information that isn't any of our business but that we can get all kinds of angry over. Just like the radio news...sometimes I just have to turn the channel.
I am going to hide his posts. There was another pic tagged last night
I don't need to fixate on this. He went through a lot with my mom's illness and I don't know the story on this.
I don't need to fixate on this. He went through a lot with my mom's illness and I don't know the story on this.
That is why my inventory was so critical for me to let go of things that I had no business of holding on to.
I found using an extension in column 3 helped shed some more light on my false beliefs and my playing God in other's lives. This isn't for the faint of heart. I usually end up pushing the pen so hard I can read the indention on the next 8 pages or so in my notebook
COLUMN THREE
Self Esteem: I am (or see myself as):______________________________________________ ___.
Pride: No one should see the following being done to me:__________________________________________.
Ambition: What I want but think I am losing is _____________________________________________.
Emotional Security: To feel okay, I need for this person to________________________________________________ ________.
Financial Security: My financial security is threatened in this deal because_______________________________.
Relations by sex: I think women/men should____________________________________________ _______.
Personal Relations: Those close to me should see that I am___________________________________________.
COLUMN FOUR
Selfish-(I want to keep what I have, so here's how I was selfish)
Self-Seeking-(I also want what others have, so here's where I was seeking for myself rather than giving to another)
Dishonest-(The real truth is that...___________________________________________ __)
deceived him/her:________________________________________
deceived myself:_______________________________________
Fear-(What I'm really worried about or afraid of that is driving me to behave the way I'm behaving is???)
Insanity-(Here are the things about my behavior and feelings that are really insane in this deal):
__________________________________________________ _________________________
COLUMN THREE
Self Esteem: I am (or see myself as):______________________________________________ ___.
Pride: No one should see the following being done to me:__________________________________________.
Ambition: What I want but think I am losing is _____________________________________________.
Emotional Security: To feel okay, I need for this person to________________________________________________ ________.
Financial Security: My financial security is threatened in this deal because_______________________________.
Relations by sex: I think women/men should____________________________________________ _______.
Personal Relations: Those close to me should see that I am___________________________________________.
COLUMN FOUR
Selfish-(I want to keep what I have, so here's how I was selfish)
Self-Seeking-(I also want what others have, so here's where I was seeking for myself rather than giving to another)
Dishonest-(The real truth is that...___________________________________________ __)
deceived him/her:________________________________________
deceived myself:_______________________________________
Fear-(What I'm really worried about or afraid of that is driving me to behave the way I'm behaving is???)
Insanity-(Here are the things about my behavior and feelings that are really insane in this deal):
__________________________________________________ _________________________
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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