I'm ready. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Jeni26 · 10-29-2012, 04:13 PM

To do step 5.
Really ready at last.
Tomorrow night I will admit to myself, to my sponsor and to my HP the exact nature of my wrongdoings. I haven't left anything out. This is terrifying but I've listened to you all, and I have faith.

Music · 10-29-2012, 05:12 PM

You go girl.

Hollyanne · 10-29-2012, 05:36 PM

Good luck with that Jeni.
Jeeze! You are super. Do you know that? Super!

tomsteve · 10-29-2012, 05:46 PM

awesome!!! cool beans!!!!

mfanch · 10-29-2012, 06:29 PM

The Broad Highway awaits you! Fears will fall away...

sugarbear1 · 10-29-2012, 08:12 PM

I wish you well!

DayTrader · 10-29-2012, 09:46 PM

Yay for you! that's awesome.

5 can be tiring (I was exhausted after my first one) but it's a reeeeeally great step and I'm glad you're on it and moving through it.

paul99 · 10-30-2012, 04:44 AM

It's an amazing feeling after you're done - I had a smile on my face for a week after I did mine. The lightness of mind, body and spirit right after was like a rebirth for me.

good luck and I wish you the best!

Grace2 · 10-30-2012, 05:17 AM

Kudos Jenny. go for it! You're an inspiration.

Jeni26 · 10-30-2012, 06:06 AM

Thanks guys. At the moment I'm just re-reading what I've written and wondering how the hell I'm actually going to say all this.
My heart is racing.
I've never shared this stuff with anyone, but fear figures so strongly in my inventory that I'm going to do it anyway.
Feeling like a 5 year old trembling at the knees at the moment!

***PaperDolls*** · 10-30-2012, 08:51 AM

Just read it. You're going to be just fine and it's going to be awesome when you're done.

Grace2 · 10-30-2012, 10:35 AM

It'll be like having a weight lifted from your shoulders Jeni.xx

CaiHong · 10-30-2012, 08:41 PM

Good for you Jen keep us posted
Love
caiHong

Jeni26 · 10-30-2012, 11:51 PM

Wow! I spent 3 hours just on my resentment list.
Instead of just reading all my lists out and moving on, which I guess is what I expected, my sponsor and I talked through each and every resentment, unpicked it and found common themes. She helped me understand what I'd written and make sense of it. As it was late when we'd finished and I was emotionally spent, we've decided to do the same with my other lists over the next few weeks. Next time it will be my fears.
It was an amazing evening. She revealed so much about herself in the process. Gave me strategies for dealing with resentments that are still part of me and growing.
We prayed together at the end. It really was a spiritual experience.
I think it's the right thing to do to take this slowly and work through it.
I told her stuff about myself that is at the core of who I am and it really felt ok.
I thought I'd be impatient to get this finished, but in fact it feels ok to be really working at this step. This is where I'm at.
A work in progress. The more I reveal, the more I feel confident in revealing. There was no shock horror reaction from her, just a calmness and gentleness and acceptance of what I said.
I'm feeling so happy today.
This was the best move I ever made.
Thankyou all for your support xxx

Grace2 · 10-31-2012, 01:44 AM

Morning Jeni

That's brilliant and it sounds like you have a really good sponsor there. I'm really happy for you.

Music · 10-31-2012, 05:07 AM

Being thorough is the most important thing. I don't necessarily agree that taking weeks is the best way to go because you have this on your mind for whatever time it takes to complete, but that's for you and your sponsor to work out. Keep up the good work.

Jeni26 · 10-31-2012, 05:24 AM

Thanks Music, I do think that it suits us both to take it slowly. One simple fact is time, we both work full-time in very demanding jobs, so the logistics of putting aside enough time to do it all in one go is virtually impossible. I realised last night that I had this sort of attitude that I wanted to just rush through it and get it over with. A sort of 'chuck it all at my God and sponsor, then dive for cover and wait for a thunderbolt to strike me down!'
The fact is, I need to sit and work through it properly without feeling rushed. In order to understand what it is that makes me what I am and act in the way I do, I need to unpick it carefully. She knows me very well.
For me this feels right. I've already touched on other issues so I won't have that dread or fear of working through the rest of it. I'm excited about it now.
This is proving to be a real eye-opener.

mfanch · 10-31-2012, 05:42 AM

Jeni26, your post made me tear up. The only thing better than being relieved from a hopeless state of mind and body is watching it happen for someone else. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Jeni26 · 11-06-2012, 10:19 AM

I'm so disappointed. My sponsor has cancelled our meeting tonight when I was due to complete my step 5 as she's unwell. I have been so elated this past week with a sort of nervous anticipation and energy that's now gotta be sort of squashed for at least a week.
My first response was to crave a drink, and that hasn't happened for months!!
I'm stuck between steps and really want to get rid of this baggage.
There is no solution but to wait I know, just wanted to vent. Sorry

***PaperDolls*** · 11-06-2012, 12:35 PM

Sounds like a great time to practice acceptance.

Hope your sponsor feels better soon.

10-29-2012, 04:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jeni26 Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: South East England Posts: 3,915	I'm ready. To do step 5. Really ready at last. Tomorrow night I will admit to myself, to my sponsor and to my HP the exact nature of my wrongdoings. I haven't left anything out. This is terrifying but I've listened to you all, and I have faith. __________________ 25th May 2012 was the last time I took a drink. I will never forget it. I don't EVER have to feel like that again.

10-29-2012, 05:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
Music Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Zion, Illinois Posts: 2,790	You go girl. __________________

10-29-2012, 05:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
tomsteve Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: northern michigan. not the U.P. Posts: 2,859	awesome!!! cool beans!!!! __________________ all big book quotes from 1st edition

10-29-2012, 06:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
mfanch Recovered Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 379	The Broad Highway awaits you! Fears will fall away... __________________ 6.1.2009: The first day of the rest of my life. There is nothing to figure out.

10-29-2012, 08:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
sugarbear1 ~sb Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: MD Posts: 9,761	I wish you well! __________________ Someday everything will all make sense. For now, laugh at confusion, smile through tears, & remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. All Big Book quotes are from the first edition. Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

10-29-2012, 05:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
Hollyanne Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Ireland Posts: 1,355	Good luck with that Jeni. Jeeze! You are super. Do you know that? Super!

10-29-2012, 09:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
DayTrader 12-Step Recovered Alcoholic Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 4,672	Yay for you! that's awesome. 5 can be tiring (I was exhausted after my first one) but it's a reeeeeally great step and I'm glad you're on it and moving through it. __________________ "We can't solve our problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - Albert Einstein /-all BB quotes-1st. Edition-\

10-30-2012, 04:44 AM	#8 (permalink)
paul99 Fellow Traveler and Seeker Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 1,746	It's an amazing feeling after you're done - I had a smile on my face for a week after I did mine. The lightness of mind, body and spirit right after was like a rebirth for me. good luck and I wish you the best!

10-30-2012, 05:17 AM	#9 (permalink)
Grace2 Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: Cheshire, N.W England Posts: 4,931	Kudos Jenny. go for it! You're an inspiration. __________________ I was a disgrace, but now I'm just Grace! Sober birthday: 19 August 2012 *** “The booze makes you a liar and the lies you tell yourself are the biggest.” ― J.D. Ruskin, When One Door Opens

10-30-2012, 06:06 AM	#10 (permalink)
Jeni26 Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: South East England Posts: 3,915	Thanks guys. At the moment I'm just re-reading what I've written and wondering how the hell I'm actually going to say all this. My heart is racing. I've never shared this stuff with anyone, but fear figures so strongly in my inventory that I'm going to do it anyway. Feeling like a 5 year old trembling at the knees at the moment! __________________ 25th May 2012 was the last time I took a drink. I will never forget it. I don't EVER have to feel like that again.

10-30-2012, 08:51 AM	#11 (permalink)
*PaperDolls* Community Greeter Join Date: May 2004 Location: Midwest Posts: 7,758 Blog Entries: 10	Just read it. You're going to be just fine and it's going to be awesome when you're done. __________________ Advice is like snow; the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. --Samuel T. Coleridg

10-30-2012, 10:35 AM	#12 (permalink)
Grace2 Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: Cheshire, N.W England Posts: 4,931	It'll be like having a weight lifted from your shoulders Jeni.xx __________________ I was a disgrace, but now I'm just Grace! Sober birthday: 19 August 2012 *** “The booze makes you a liar and the lies you tell yourself are the biggest.” ― J.D. Ruskin, When One Door Opens

10-30-2012, 08:41 PM	#13 (permalink)
CaiHong Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1,741	Good for you Jen keep us posted Love caiHong

10-30-2012, 11:51 PM	#14 (permalink)
Jeni26 Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: South East England Posts: 3,915	Wow! I spent 3 hours just on my resentment list. Instead of just reading all my lists out and moving on, which I guess is what I expected, my sponsor and I talked through each and every resentment, unpicked it and found common themes. She helped me understand what I'd written and make sense of it. As it was late when we'd finished and I was emotionally spent, we've decided to do the same with my other lists over the next few weeks. Next time it will be my fears. It was an amazing evening. She revealed so much about herself in the process. Gave me strategies for dealing with resentments that are still part of me and growing. We prayed together at the end. It really was a spiritual experience. I think it's the right thing to do to take this slowly and work through it. I told her stuff about myself that is at the core of who I am and it really felt ok. I thought I'd be impatient to get this finished, but in fact it feels ok to be really working at this step. This is where I'm at. A work in progress. The more I reveal, the more I feel confident in revealing. There was no shock horror reaction from her, just a calmness and gentleness and acceptance of what I said. I'm feeling so happy today. This was the best move I ever made. Thankyou all for your support xxx __________________ 25th May 2012 was the last time I took a drink. I will never forget it. I don't EVER have to feel like that again.

10-31-2012, 01:44 AM	#15 (permalink)
Grace2 Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: Cheshire, N.W England Posts: 4,931	Morning Jeni That's brilliant and it sounds like you have a really good sponsor there. I'm really happy for you. __________________ I was a disgrace, but now I'm just Grace! Sober birthday: 19 August 2012 *** “The booze makes you a liar and the lies you tell yourself are the biggest.” ― J.D. Ruskin, When One Door Opens

10-31-2012, 05:07 AM	#16 (permalink)
Music Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Zion, Illinois Posts: 2,790	Being thorough is the most important thing. I don't necessarily agree that taking weeks is the best way to go because you have this on your mind for whatever time it takes to complete, but that's for you and your sponsor to work out. Keep up the good work. __________________

10-31-2012, 05:24 AM	#17 (permalink)
Jeni26 Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: South East England Posts: 3,915	Thanks Music, I do think that it suits us both to take it slowly. One simple fact is time, we both work full-time in very demanding jobs, so the logistics of putting aside enough time to do it all in one go is virtually impossible. I realised last night that I had this sort of attitude that I wanted to just rush through it and get it over with. A sort of 'chuck it all at my God and sponsor, then dive for cover and wait for a thunderbolt to strike me down!' The fact is, I need to sit and work through it properly without feeling rushed. In order to understand what it is that makes me what I am and act in the way I do, I need to unpick it carefully. She knows me very well. For me this feels right. I've already touched on other issues so I won't have that dread or fear of working through the rest of it. I'm excited about it now. This is proving to be a real eye-opener. __________________ 25th May 2012 was the last time I took a drink. I will never forget it. I don't EVER have to feel like that again.

10-31-2012, 05:42 AM	#18 (permalink)
mfanch Recovered Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 379	Jeni26, your post made me tear up. The only thing better than being relieved from a hopeless state of mind and body is watching it happen for someone else. Thank you for sharing your experience. __________________ 6.1.2009: The first day of the rest of my life. There is nothing to figure out.

11-06-2012, 10:19 AM	#19 (permalink)
Jeni26 Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: South East England Posts: 3,915	I'm so disappointed. My sponsor has cancelled our meeting tonight when I was due to complete my step 5 as she's unwell. I have been so elated this past week with a sort of nervous anticipation and energy that's now gotta be sort of squashed for at least a week. My first response was to crave a drink, and that hasn't happened for months!! I'm stuck between steps and really want to get rid of this baggage. There is no solution but to wait I know, just wanted to vent. Sorry __________________ 25th May 2012 was the last time I took a drink. I will never forget it. I don't EVER have to feel like that again.

11-06-2012, 12:35 PM	#20 (permalink)
*PaperDolls* Community Greeter Join Date: May 2004 Location: Midwest Posts: 7,758 Blog Entries: 10	Sounds like a great time to practice acceptance. Hope your sponsor feels better soon. __________________ Advice is like snow; the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. --Samuel T. Coleridg

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