Wondering if AA is for me, full part. Could I become sponser so young into sobriety?

[Wolfram]

Went to many AA meeting since sept 21st 2012, last Sept., where I started my first step into recovery, recovering.

At first I was amazed... being accepted by people openly, knowing I was a monster inside.. then felt relived to see that we are lots of monsters inside..

But further I got, heard lots of "you will never get out of it unless you believe in god". "The only way out is to believe (in god I mean)". etc.

Heard lots of sharing, but always it was from people of a diff age than me, often with child abuse, very nasy stuff. Very violent. So much pain. So much pain. And I applaud them for just being still alive. That I see as a magic of AA.

I had a great childhood apart that it was under strict order to behave, with no violence, we were educate family. We moved all the time, always lost my friends, never had a chance to root somewhere. So played lego as a child in my own universe. bla bla bla, then later on after dropping out of university, became junky, the alcoholic, etc.

But following the education I had, logically, why? I know the education I had kept me alive though the junk period... I went pretty deep but pull out and asked help from my family.

But never went into therapy. We never talk about it. Still is like taboo. Feel like is it not appropriate. Not well table matters..

Well, 21 sept 2012, call clean about my drinking, which is a result of all my past, saved me, and now trying to kill me... Clean now, 3rd day (many years of relapse, it is shameful cause I want to stop for so many years).

I don't have the time to go to therapies. 28 days center etc. Wish I did.. No time, and no money for it. So stuck with AA. Use the word "stuck" cause is all I got.

Wondering why my family never speaks about it to me. I always have to bring it up. My father drinks pretty much, but he is a business man... so its ok for him.. makes big bucks..

Therapy sessions? I know for many years now. Not me, I did already. But for my family. But hay.. No violence involved... where is the hurt?

Coming back to AA topic.. I would like to be a sponsor. But I am so new.. I don't want a sponsor. Never will. The 12 steps? I already made them. Forgave all the people I hurt. Retrospect upon my self, been doing it for years... writing journals etc. Only thing I never did.. was putting my life in the hands of a superior power.. Problem with that.. Meaby I don't understand the 12 step program properly... Anyone care to explain?

But then, why do all people come to me and talk, share their inner feelings, naturally, surprising me.. as to "why?? WTF??" And I listen, and share, at makes me feel good. (Been happenings since my 20s... pure stranger come an talk..)

So.. is it possible to approach AA from the other side? Becoming a sponsor to help, cause it.. in the end helps yourself??

wondering..

wolfram..

[IndaMiricale]

You say you did all the steps. But you relapsed and only have a couple weeks clean. So its apperant that you have not got the first step completely..

As for you sponsoring someone. And you never want a sponsor. What kind of advice can you offer about being sober for a year or more.. You cant give what you dont have.

I also had a wonderful childhood. But choose the life of a alcoholic and addict till I was 39 instead... Not something I wish on anyone.

I know in Cleveland here there are many rehabs that we have the option to go to with absolutely no money.. There is always a way ,, depending on how bad you want it..

I hope you go re evaluate the AA program , because your view is just distorted...

Wish you the best..

[bbthumper]

I think you have some misunderstanding of what the program of AA is.

Sponsorship requires that you have done the 12 steps yourself with your sponsor. THe 12 steps are laid out in the Big Book of AA. The actions you have described are all great, but its not the program. There are very specific instructions in the book. In order to recover through the program of AA we follow those instructions with another alcoholic who has done it themselves. The reward of the whole deal is that we in turn get to give it to yet another alcoholic once we have recovered.

"You cant give away what you havent got anymore than you can come back from somewhere you have never been" as I heard a speaker explain.

I encourage you to get involved in the program. I encourage you to get a sponsor who has recovered through the 12 steps. I dont know any success stories in AA that dont include sponsorship. Not to say its impossible, but I have never witnessed it. If you really feel like you are stuck there, better make the best of it. You get out what you put in if you put it all in. Half measures availed us nothing. Best wishes to you.

[PaperDolls]

Great responses already!

As I was reading, I wondered .... if you don't want a sponsor and never do, why would you want to sponsor people?

Please read this AA pamphlet to have a better understanding of what a sponsor does.
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

[sugarbear1]

Work all 12 steps, stay stopped, have a spiritual awakening. Without working with a sponsor, how are you going to sponsor another person??? The third time through the steps I was taught the sponsor's role. Wow. Please don't attempt to sponsor someone in AA if you aren't working those 12 steps.

You can certainly listen and talk to people, but there's more to this than you may know right now.

Keep coming back!

[tomsteve]

I

Originally Posted by Wolfram

Went to many AA meeting since sept 21st 2012, last Sept., where I started my first step into recovery, recovering.

At first I was amazed... being accepted by people openly, knowing I was a monster inside.. then felt relived to see that we are lots of monsters inside..

But further I got, heard lots of "you will never get out of it unless you believe in god". "The only way out is to believe (in god I mean)". etc.

Heard lots of sharing, but always it was from people of a diff age than me, often with child abuse, very nasy stuff. Very violent. So much pain. So much pain. And I applaud them for just being still alive. That I see as a magic of AA.


Therapy sessions? I know for many years now. Not me, I did already. But for my family. But hay.. No violence involved...

Coming back to AA topic.. I would like to be a sponsor. them. Forgave all the people I hurt. Retrospect upon my self, been doing it for years... writing journals etc. Only thing I never did.. was putting my life in the hands of a superior power.. Problem with that.. Meaby I don't understand the 12 step program properly... Anyone care to explain?

But then, why do all people come to me and talk, share their inner feelings, naturally, surprising me.. as to "why?? WTF??" And I listen, and share, at makes me feel good. (Been happenings since my 20s... pure stranger come an talk..)

So.. is it possible to approach AA from the other side? Becoming a sponsor to help, cause it.. in the end helps yourself??

wondering..

wolfram..

wolfram, heres my opinion:
alcoholism doesnt have to do with events that happened to me. i know many poeple that had very good lives, very good upbringings, and even know one man that had a total of 6 blackouts from drinking in his drinking career.
even though i didnt have the traumatic events that happened to some that are in AA, my thinking was just like theirs. i had to stop lookin at the drinking thing and look at the thinkin thing. after all, AA taught me that drinking was but a symptom of a much deeper problem.

now being a sponsor without working the steps? IMO, that could do more harm than good. how can i help someone find a solution if i dont know a solution.
when i was drinking, and even in early recovery, i had people come to me with problems and open up about them. now i can see why: why would i want to go to someone that would tell me what i needed to hear( i am the problem and i am the soltion) instead of what i wanted to hear( aww, you poor thing. "they" are screwed up). i went to those that told me what i wanted to hear because i didnt want to admit I was the problem. i listened to others "vent" to be a people pleaser and boost my self esteem.

i think you may want to ask yyouself why you really want to be a sponsor without having knowledge of the program.

where is the hurt?"
the steps will find that.


IMO, there is a misuderstanding of the program of AA. it may not be for you, but i highly suggest changing this thinking:
"I don't want a sponsor. Never will."



if you are an alcoholic like me, yer thinking got ya to AA and it aint gonna help ya get sober. there are many people willing to help who have worked the steps, practice the principles, and can guide you through them to help you learn about yourself and why you feel you dont have to work the steps but still be a sponsor.

[DayTrader]

I agree with what's been posted already.

Want to help ppl stop drinking and maybe live a better life: go into a therapy career.

Want to help alcoholics recover from alcoholism in AA: work the steps yourself, experience the complete psychic change the steps guarantee and you won't have to go looking - people will gravitate to you and want what you have.

Sponsors are guides through the AA recovery process. It's impossible to share your experience through all the steps with someone else when you haven't done them (but did your version of them).

[Wolfram]

Ok thanks every one for the reality check.

[Natom]

I'm just going to echo what other people have said. People rush the 12 steps all the time, and the majority of the time it doesn't do you any good at all. You have to work on the steps, you have to put effort into them and you have to work them over a long period of time.

You can't be a sponsor without having had one, the sponsorship thing is one of the backbones of the program. I suggest that you find yourself a sponsor and go through the steps again...slowly.

And on the whole you will only get out if you believe in God stuff. That's crap. There's loads of atheists and agnostics in the fellowship and your 'higher power' can be whatever you want it to be. It could be a table or a bloody orange for all we care. As long as it keeps you clean. Wish you luck dude.

Natom.

[Wolfram]

Thanks all, and Natom.

I will now also wish myself goodluck.

[muvinon]

We cannot help someone else understand the program unless we understand the program, and without a sponsor, I cannot see you gaining access to that understanding.

You might enjoy hearing Spanish, but you're not going to be able to teach someone else Spanish until you learn the language yourself.

My suggestion is to relax, get a sponsor, work the steps, and know......

More shall be revealed.

[sugarbear1]

If you are willing to believe or are willing to set aside your old beliefs, that a power, any power greater than you might exist, then there is hope.

Forget luck, just say some little prayers and keep moving forward. Faith needs work, you are the one who can do the work, the faith will increase as a result of your hard work. Be under the care of that power that is greater than you, all things are possible. How can you be useful to others today?

You're going to be okay! (and sober)

[nobshere]

Wolf, You ask a very good question so here is my opinion. Once you have some substantial sober time under your belt I would suggest looking for others that feel as you do. There are many people in the program that have not followed the "suggestions" as laid out in the bb.

In the area that I attended aa they were referred to as the NRL (newcomers rescue league). While many of them were not "official" sponsors they had a very strong and important message to share. To be completely honest with you it was those members whom I most identified with.

There are many ways of which you can be of service in aa, being a "sponsor" is just one way, find your voice and share it.

[tomsteve]

Originally Posted by Wolfram

Ok thanks every one for the reality check.

wolfram, this is awesome for me to wake up and read! Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness are indespensible to h.o.w. it works. humility helps, too and good to see that here this morning from ya.

i will also say i am glad to see ya wanting to help others. IMO, if ya work the steps and learn about you, you are gonna be even more of a blessing to AA and the recovery community.

[IndaMiricale]

Originally Posted by tomsteve

wolfram, this is awesome for me to wake up and read! Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness are indespensible to h.o.w. it works. humility helps, too and good to see that here this morning from ya.

i will also say i am glad to see ya wanting to help others. IMO, if ya work the steps and learn about you, you are gonna be even more of a blessing to AA and the recovery community.

I ditto that tom...

The spirit of wanting to help others is already there. That is AWESOME... Now just work on you for a while. And other can safely gravitate torward you and you can be a great asset.

[Wolfram]

Thank you all again.

Am I afraid to get a sposor? How do we get a sponsor in the first place? Will go to a meeting tonight, after work. Might ask there. I still haven't found a group where I feel completely at home, but I go to the samere place more and more.

And today, must study.The 12 steps I read only on the flyer given to new ones. As I guess I am still a baby bird who doesn't yet know how to fly. But definitively want to implicate myself into the movement. And my gardian angel is going to be my "higher power". Was given the Big Book at a meeting, but haven't started it yet. The 12 steps are explained in it?

Hard of work and full time study at university. I must also think of myself so may heal properly.

But thank you all for having made see clearly. Thumbs up.

wolfram

[tomsteve]

to find a sponsr, listen to others for what you want. it would be wise to go out before or after for coffee with em to see how they act outside the rooms.

yes, the 12 steps are explained in the Big Book and a sponsor can guide you through them and give you a better undestanding of them.

2 thumbs up to ya!

[PaperDolls]

Did you check this link out?

http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

[Wolfram]

Thanks Paperdoll for the link. No had not read it. Its a keeper.

Happy sober Halloween to all you outthere!!

wolfram

[adamjet]

Go for it. It might help you.