Dealing With "Long Talkers"..... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Justfor1 · 10-20-2012, 07:00 AM

I have run out of patience. I don't understand why it's accepted that some folks share for extended times. I think everyone averages about 3 minutes a share yet some folks go on 5 plus. The thing I struggle with is that a few of these folks know they talk to long & make a joke out of it.

The issue I have is that it is wasting my time because I stop listening after a certain point & then some folks (newcomers) will not get a chance to talk. The meetings end promptly at the 1 hr mark. When I use to run a meetings I kept a stopwatch on the "long talkers" & stopped them at the limit. I liked everyone at the meeting get a chance to speak. Even if it was just an introduction. How have you folks dealt with this or is it accepted that some folks just like to talk????

quitforme79 · 10-20-2012, 07:30 AM

This annoyed me too but then I started to think that maybe they have nobody else that will listen to them. That takes my frustration away

Mark75 · 10-20-2012, 07:33 AM

Not a big problem in my home group, thank God... I don't know why. Sure we get the occasional "bag of wind" here and there, but they seem to eventually learn to focus their thoughts and and express their thoughts more succinctly.

Why is it accepted? I have come to the conclusion that it's not up to me to understand why, nor is it up to me how to handle it. Group Conscience, I think, under the direction of our higher power.

I know that is a non answer

. I am not sure there is one. Love and Tolerance might be needed. Or... attend a different group... or, start attending speaker meetings... that's what I have decided I will do if open discussion meetings do not work for me, but that hasn't happened in 4 years.

Justfor1 · 10-20-2012, 07:59 AM

It's not that I would mind if it was once in a while but every time?!

I think it's time I exploring other meetings. After all there is 1,000's of them every month in my area. Some folks may say I should just accept it & in a way I do because I don't say anything to them after the meeting. I thanx SR for letting me vent this situation.

2granddaughters · 10-20-2012, 08:06 AM

I think some long talkers are there to show us how to work the "Serenity Prayer"

All the best.

Bob R

Music · 10-20-2012, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justfor1

I have run out of patience. I don't understand why it's accepted that some folks share for extended times. I think everyone averages about 3 minutes a share yet some folks go on 5 plus. The thing I struggle with is that a few of these folks know they talk to long & make a joke out of it.

The issue I have is that it is wasting my time because I stop listening after a certain point & then some folks (newcomers) will not get a chance to talk. The meetings end promptly at the 1 hr mark. When I use to run a meetings I kept a stopwatch on the "long talkers" & stopped them at the limit. I liked everyone at the meeting get a chance to speak. Even if it was just an introduction. How have you folks dealt with this or is it accepted that some folks just like to talk????

It just struck me how appropriate your screen name is and how it is reflective of your attitude that it's "Justforyou." Look back through your post and count how many times you use the word "I". Who the hell do you think you are that you time people who speak at the meetings you chair. What upsets me about meetings these days is that they end right at ONE HOUR. I wonder sometimes how many of us timed ourselves in the bar and left precisely at one hour. I thank God every day that there weren't people like you at my first meetings who forgot to exercise patience and tolerance when I was talking, cause I know there were times when I just sat there and vomitted crap just to get it out. I needed to do that! Get an ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. You might learn something.

MycoolFitz · 10-20-2012, 08:14 AM

We have a few old timer yada yada yaders I get up and get a snack. Age gives you power. When I talk which is rarely and shortly it is with respect and I am like a silver hair.

nobshere · 10-20-2012, 08:15 AM

WOW Music...Seems that the adage that "when something disturbs you" might be appropriate here.

MycoolFitz · 10-20-2012, 08:18 AM

When I taught at the university I never had more than 5 words on a power point I think some are just lonely

newby1961 · 10-20-2012, 11:13 AM

Some of the meetings I go to it is written in the format that the chair person reads at the start of the meeting. "To please limit you sharing to 3 to 5 minutes so everyone can get a chance to share." Some people ignore that, but there are some nice ways to shut them up and then some not so nice ways. lol

awuh1 · 10-20-2012, 11:50 AM

Music, with regard to patience and tolerance, I find that doing my best to be a good example of this is the best way to promote it.

CarolD · 10-20-2012, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justfor1

It's not that I would mind if it was once in a while but every time?!

I think it's time I exploring other meetings. After all there is 1,000's of them every month in my area. Some folks may say I should just accept it & in a way I do because I don't say anything to them after the meeting. I thanx SR for letting me vent this situation.

Yes ...and now this topic is closed

Please remember....
Group Conscience is the way to get situations addressed .

10-20-2012, 07:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
Justfor1 Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Midwest USA Posts: 2,164	Dealing With "Long Talkers"..... I have run out of patience. I don't understand why it's accepted that some folks share for extended times. I think everyone averages about 3 minutes a share yet some folks go on 5 plus. The thing I struggle with is that a few of these folks know they talk to long & make a joke out of it. The issue I have is that it is wasting my time because I stop listening after a certain point & then some folks (newcomers) will not get a chance to talk. The meetings end promptly at the 1 hr mark. When I use to run a meetings I kept a stopwatch on the "long talkers" & stopped them at the limit. I liked everyone at the meeting get a chance to speak. Even if it was just an introduction. How have you folks dealt with this or is it accepted that some folks just like to talk????

10-20-2012, 08:06 AM	#5 (permalink)
2granddaughters in my 24th year of sobriety Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get Posts: 4,532	I think some long talkers are there to show us how to work the "Serenity Prayer" All the best. Bob R __________________ . . .If you want to drink, that's your business ..... .If you want to quit, that's A.A.'s business. . . --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. . . L.D. 1989

10-20-2012, 08:14 AM	#7 (permalink)
MycoolFitz Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Here, Now Posts: 4,271	We have a few old timer yada yada yaders I get up and get a snack. Age gives you power. When I talk which is rarely and shortly it is with respect and I am like a silver hair. __________________ What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly ~ Lao Tsu

10-20-2012, 08:18 AM	#9 (permalink)
MycoolFitz Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Here, Now Posts: 4,271	When I taught at the university I never had more than 5 words on a power point I think some are just lonely __________________ What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly ~ Lao Tsu

10-20-2012, 11:50 AM	#11 (permalink)
awuh1 Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1,175	Music, with regard to patience and tolerance, I find that doing my best to be a good example of this is the best way to promote it. __________________ "The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has obtained liberation from the self" (Albert Einstein)

10-20-2012, 07:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
quitforme79 Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: east coast Posts: 1,343	This annoyed me too but then I started to think that maybe they have nobody else that will listen to them. That takes my frustration away

10-20-2012, 07:33 AM	#3 (permalink)
Mark75 Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,823	Not a big problem in my home group, thank God... I don't know why. Sure we get the occasional "bag of wind" here and there, but they seem to eventually learn to focus their thoughts and and express their thoughts more succinctly. Why is it accepted? I have come to the conclusion that it's not up to me to understand why, nor is it up to me how to handle it. Group Conscience, I think, under the direction of our higher power. I know that is a non answer . I am not sure there is one. Love and Tolerance might be needed. Or... attend a different group... or, start attending speaker meetings... that's what I have decided I will do if open discussion meetings do not work for me, but that hasn't happened in 4 years.

10-20-2012, 07:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
Justfor1 Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Midwest USA Posts: 2,164	It's not that I would mind if it was once in a while but every time?! I think it's time I exploring other meetings. After all there is 1,000's of them every month in my area. Some folks may say I should just accept it & in a way I do because I don't say anything to them after the meeting. I thanx SR for letting me vent this situation.

10-20-2012, 08:15 AM	#8 (permalink)
nobshere Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 137	WOW Music...Seems that the adage that "when something disturbs you" might be appropriate here.

10-20-2012, 11:13 AM	#10 (permalink)
newby1961 Trudging that road. Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Seattle Wa Posts: 6,837 Blog Entries: 1	Some of the meetings I go to it is written in the format that the chair person reads at the start of the meeting. "To please limit you sharing to 3 to 5 minutes so everyone can get a chance to share." Some people ignore that, but there are some nice ways to shut them up and then some not so nice ways. lol

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