Not sure how to find a sponsor

[Glasscat]

I am trying to stay sober and have been going to 1-3 meetings a week. I have an AA friend who is sort of a sponsor but not really because even tho she is supportive of me, she never really worked the steps herself. I'm seeing a therapist and she is insisting I get a "real" sponsor for working the steps, etc. I don't really know how to go about finding someone. Do I have to have a female sponsor? How do I just ask somebody, will you be my sponsor? I feel really weird and awkward about it. I see very few women at my meetings. I'm just really not sure how to do this.

[wow04]

Find a woman that has the sobriety you want. Women with Women and Men with Men.

[heath480]

Good news that you are serious about staying sober.

It is recommended that you have a same sex sponsor.

Look for a lady who has good sobriety and who has worked through the 12 steps themselves with a sponsor.

Take a deep breath and ask her if she will sponsor you.

Wishing you well.

[bbthumper]

GOod suggestions above.
Also, you can mention to the secretary of the meetings you are going to that you are in need of a sponsor. Usually they can help out.

[Cyberchp]

Most fellowships also have a phone list. Ours has names/numbers with an asterisk of folks willing to be temporary sponsors.

Having the option and resource to pick up the phone instead of picking up a drink is huge.

Sit back, find someone you can relate to. If not, when the secretary asks is there are any AA related messages, introduce yourself and say you are looking for a sponsor.

[bryangt]

all of the above--solid...My first sponsor...I listened at meetings a lot. I tuned into to someone I felt I had a 'bond' with & thought..'I want what they have'....warm up to someone like that and discuss the possibility of them being your sponsor. You can also ask some people with time under their belts if they know of anyone who would be willing to help you. Find a sponsor that fits your needs...and possibly fits your personality too. It will come to you....give it time...

[RobC420]

It helped me to remember that a sponsee helps a sponsor more than a sponsor helps a sponsee. Asking someone to be your sponsor is not just you asking that someone go out of their way to help you. By asking, you are providing someone an opportunity to work their program and grow in their sobriety. If they say no, that's their loss. Not yours.

[DayTrader]

When I look back at the handful of ppl I had on my "list" to be my sponsor....boy am I glad I never asked them. At the time, I was convinced they were solid / strong AA mbers and that they had a lot to teach me. Thankfully a god I didn't have much faith in knew better than me who to go with and I was led to that person.

Selecting a sponsor seems similar to asking a 10yr old to select a parent. They'll have strong emotional feelings about who theyd pick but do the REALLY have the wisdom to make a wise selection? Probably no moreso then any of us early in sobriety.

So..... I'd suggest NOT picking one on your own. I'd ask the pol you like who THEY would recommend - then talk to those folks and see who they would pick. Odds are, the same small group of names will keep coming up. THose are the folks to concentrate on.

Mostly....I'd pray for direction. We may think we know who/what we need now but going through the recovery/step process changes us. That being said, how would we have a clue who we'll need in x amount of months when we're 10 or 15 degrees different than we are today? Only one "entity" knows that.....and it's not me.

"going to god" is an ongoing practice and the process of finding and asking a sponsor to help you is a great starter step in practicing using this new tool.

[Boleo]

If there any Big Book meetings in your area, go out of your way to visit one. Typically they have more/better sponsors than standard meetings.

Many of them make an announcement sometime during the meeting: "Would those willing to sponsor please raise their hands?"

[omegasupreme]

Ditto what DT said. Thus far, of the three sponsors I have had, the one I did not pick has been the greatest gift. They have all been great gifts and teachers, but the one I didn't have anything to do with has been...warning "o" word, in my Opinion, the best/strongest/yada yada yada.

For my first sponsor I had three men in mind. Of the three, the one I went with and another relapsed within about a year to 18 months. I have since sponsored all three I had in mind.

The next one I picked I eventually left when he got honest and shared how little current stepwork he had been doing and that my talk of the steps made him uncomfortable. That was pretty much an instant dealbreaker.

My third, and current sponsor...I was coming undone @18 months to 2yrs dry and I went to a pal that I knew was SOLID without a doubt. You know that AA do gooder that's involved in his homegroup, hospitals and institutions, sponsees, family, job, etc... just, you can see the fire in his eyes. The guy that you wait to ask until you are out of options because you know what they require will be "any lengths" kinda stuff and you'll ask him if things ever get bad enough....yeah, that guy...so I asked him and he said no...he said no, I don't think I can help you, but my sponsor can....here's his number...I'll tell him you're coming. And wouldn't you know it...turns out it was "any lengths" kinda stuff...turns out it's exactly what I needed too!

[BruceJ]

I totallly agree with daytrader. As an alcoholic, I don't want someone that I cannot manipulate and lie to.... Embarrasing but true.
Ask someone, whose sobriety you admire, to recommend a sponsor. If we knew how to make such important decisions for ourselves, we probably wouldn't need to be here

[Db1105]

Originally Posted by DayTrader

When I look back at the handful of ppl I had on my "list" to be my sponsor....boy am I glad I never asked them. At the time, I was convinced they were solid / strong AA mbers and that they had a lot to teach me. Thankfully a god I didn't have much faith in knew better than me who to go with and I was led to that person.

Selecting a sponsor seems similar to asking a 10yr old to select a parent. They'll have strong emotional feelings about who theyd pick but do the REALLY have the wisdom to make a wise selection? Probably no moreso then any of us early in sobriety.

So..... I'd suggest NOT picking one on your own. I'd ask the pol you like who THEY would recommend - then talk to those folks and see who they would pick. Odds are, the same small group of names will keep coming up. THose are the folks to concentrate on.

Mostly....I'd pray for direction. We may think we know who/what we need now but going through the recovery/step process changes us. That being said, how would we have a clue who we'll need in x amount of months when we're 10 or 15 degrees different than we are today? Only one "entity" knows that.....and it's not me.

"going to god" is an ongoing practice and the process of finding and asking a sponsor to help you is a great starter step in practicing using this new tool.

I love the 10year old/parent analogy. I went through a couple of sponsors before I found the right one. I talked with my sponsor's sponsor before asking them. I found that some people don't actually do what they talk about.

[Glasscat]

Thank you everyone for your helpful advice. I have to get to more meetings where there are more women... or an all female meeting or something. But I'm working on it.