6th step help

[MWL1983]

Hi All,
I'm on 6 and 7 and my sponsor and I are working those steps using Drop the Rock.

Drop the Rock describes 4 things to make the process of self-examination easier.
1) Ritual - suggests a candle ceremony, or burning slips of paper with our hesitations, defects, etc. on them. I do understand the symbolic nature of this, but none of these things have any meaning to me, whatsoever. I've listed my character defects, believe they're more liability than asset, and know that they won't be removed without the intervention of a higher power. For me, this part seems inauthentic.
2) Prayer - ask for willingness, clarity, etc. I pray daily.
3) Meditation - I meditate daily.
4) Cleansing - It asks us to examine the violent and addictive behaviors in our life. Even in sobriety, I behave like an addict in other ways. I've been trying to learn about my addictive behavior in other areas of my life, trying to reflect upon and recognize them when they occur, and act in opposition to these behaviors.

So, I've done all of this, as a means to demonstrate my willingness to humbly ask my higher power to remove my defects of character. My problem is that I feel I'm also doing some of this to appease my sponsor...

I feel like the step 6 work is working toward having something I had when I wrote down my character defects - awareness through prayer/meditation and willingness. I display willingness by staying in contact with my higher power, asking him to reveal character defects, and by acting in opposition (acting as if) to those defects to the best of my ability.

I feel like I'm jumping through a hoop and not being genuine. I feel like I'm lying about an past unwillingness that in truth didn't exist once I finished my 4th and 5th step.

Can anyone share with me their experience with the 6th step?

[mfanch]

We are not rendered white as snow. We must now "build character". I was told that the action in the sixth step is the practice of the opposite of our defects. Acting our way into correct thinking, if you will. The 12+12 (step 6) says that I need to become ready to aim at spiritual perfection. The boys vs the men is my plan vs universe's plan. Am I willing to strive toward infinite universe and leave my finite self behind? If so, I must ACT. I must practice walking my new walk (kind, loving, humble, tolerant, patient, giving, honest, prudent, respectful....)

I love DtR. I read it and my sponsees read it.

[muvinon]

I hate that lighting candle, release a butterfly stuff......It has never once done anything for me beyond making me feel like I'm in a group of nitwits.

But....I LOVE step 6 and 7. Powerfully spiritual steps there. My own character defects were causing such huge pain. Once I really saw the connection between those defects and the pain, then I found it very easy to get willing to change.

I was surprised, personally, by how gentle that process has been. The God of my understanding has brought situations, people, events.......and then I just tried doing things differently than in the past, keeping in mind that I was hoping to change. Some stuff just evaporated. Other stuff I got to see the success, then I'd go back to the old way, then back again to the new way.

It's been delightful in so many ways. One thing I learned was that I make everything way too hard! I don't have to learn through raw pain anymore, thank heavens!

I think it's just like step 1.....am I willing to concede that my way is the problem? If so, I'm willing....and then humility is that I simply have to wait and pray and see if God agrees I'm ready.

I had this big long list, in order of importance. lol

My sponsor suggested only that I could sure "work" on it if I liked, but she thought maybe God's plan was going to unfold anyway.

I got the message. As usual, I was trying to control the dickens out of everything.......including my own recovery process.

Anyway, that's my experience. I can do it hard or easy. Sorta my choice.

And I do release the damn butterflies and junk at retreats and then complain later about that junky stuff. Fact is......some people absolutely love that stuff in program. They are showing it to me, you..because they really want to share something that made them feel great.

And there's nothing wrong, really, with that.

[MWL1983]

Originally Posted by muvinon

I hate that lighting candle, release a butterfly stuff......It has never once done anything for me beyond making me feel like I'm in a group of nitwits.

And I do release the damn butterflies and junk at retreats and then complain later about that junky stuff. Fact is......some people absolutely love that stuff in program. They are showing it to me, you..because they really want to share something that made them feel great.

And there's nothing wrong, really, with that.

Being negatively pre-judging and judgmental are both character defects of mine. They certainly flared up when I read the advice in DtR to do light a candle, set my defects out to sea, etc.

I nearly puked on my laptop.

[MWL1983]

Originally Posted by mfanch

We are not rendered white as snow. We must now "build character". I was told that the action in the sixth step is the practice of the opposite of our defects. Acting our way into correct thinking, if you will. The 12+12 (step 6) says that I need to become ready to aim at spiritual perfection. The boys vs the men is my plan vs universe's plan. Am I willing to strive toward infinite universe and leave my finite self behind? If so, I must ACT. I must practice walking my new walk (kind, loving, humble, tolerant, patient, giving, honest, prudent, respectful....)

I love DtR. I read it and my sponsees read it.

That was my understanding as well. I'm meeting with my sponsor in 30 mins and I think I'll just discuss my issues/thoughts with him then.

I have liked DtR so far, but with the exception of the recommendations I described above. I just thought "Wait, if I'm working my program, shouldn't I already be praying, meditating, and trying to act in opposition to my character defects already?"

[mfanch]

Yeah, I read DtR, but as a nice supplement. Candle-lighting? Um, NO.

[paul99]

I too have DtR, and while I enjoyed reading it, I found it at times stretching, as it is extrapolating something that the Big Book devotes two paragraphs to. Having said that, I do too love these steps...the forgotten steps. The great thing about having my character defects removed is that I have no control over it...what I may see as a shortcoming may be something that my HP may want me to utilize in carrying the message or in my day-to-day life helping others. I just have to be willing. And I can't 'work' on them, but I can perform the actions as if they have already been removed. I have to trust that my HP will let it play out the way it is meant to play out.

I really like what muvinon says - about it being a gentle process. I wanted all my character defects gone right away after my 5th! But it doesn't work that way. And I am glad it isn't - I need to see the process, to go on that journey eyes open, and see how it helps not only me, but how it helps others.

As for the lighting stuff on fire stuff...I guess it's an individual thing. I wouldn't be against it, but I wouldn't exactly go out and buy a new lighter...

[Tommyh]

it comes down to me keeping it simple
as I looked back over my life and the previous steps 2 questions arise
do I want to keep living like that?
Do I believe God can remvoe those defects that I saw in my 4th step?
I wanted a better life and did I believe God can and will change me if I follow the rest of the directions in the big book?

for me it was a simple yes to both questions and then on to step 7

there was only 2 things I need ot "work" on
one was trusting and relieing in God and the other was to go on thru the steps
the problem in the past was I "worked on" those defects and that amounted to me trying to manage my life instead of surrendering my life to my HP

[DayTrader]

Originally Posted by MWL1983

Hi All,
I'm on 6 and 7 and my sponsor and I are working those steps using Drop the Rock.

I feel like the step 6 work is working toward having something I had when I wrote down my character defects - awareness through prayer/meditation and willingness.

I feel like I'm jumping through a hoop and not being genuine. I feel like I'm lying about an past unwillingness that in truth didn't exist once I finished my 4th and 5th step.

Can anyone share with me their experience with the 6th step?

For the better part of almost 2 yrs (yr 1.5 - yr 3) if you had asked me what step I was working on today, I would have said 6. The reason for the stagnation? I wasn't willing.....yet. I had changed my mind and wouldn't let go of many of my defects. Partly fear - afraid of what to do and how to live IF God took them from me. Partly plain-ol defiance - I didn't "feel like" letting go and the more ppl told me to the more I clung to them.

I got DtR as well and really looked forward to reading it. I've read it twice now -once during that year and a half span and once after. Personally, I don't love it. Maybe I will at a later date.

One of my problems with 6 was that I wasn't following the darn instructions on HOW to work it. Namely, I wasn't asking God for the willingness, I was trying to do/create it on my own.

What helped was this: I refused to let go and continued to be driven by those old defects. In sobriety, with several years, I continues to do the same dumb $hit that I did back I my drinking days. I hurt ppl along the way and violated my own standards. This time though.....I couldn't blow it off by saying "well, I did it because of the booze."

The pain got worse and worse and worse. I dare say, it was as bad as - probably worse - than any pain I'd felt back in my drinking days. Probably pretty close to getting loaded again....or committing scuicide "sober" (really, it was more "dry drunk" than it was sober), I finally hit bottome with a biiiig pack of defects and got that gift of despiration a second time. ....it also helped that I finally saw that line about praying for the willingness and I followed its instruction. From there, I was able to re-take 7 with a greater degree of humility and honesty.

That's my experience with 6. I'll neeeeever forget it. Now, I don't just gloss over it and jump to 7. I look for where I'm NOT wiling but when I find it, I won't go to work on getting myself willing ever again - that method damn near killed me. I take my a$$ to prayed post haste and get to some serious praying for that missing willingness .

[tomsteve]

the principle behind the 6th step is willingness. its that simple.

[Music]

Originally Posted by tomsteve

the principle behind the 6th step is willingness. its that simple.

All through the reading of step 6 the one word that keeps jumping out to me is WILLING. I remember having trouble with step 6 so I called my sponsor. His wife answered the phone(she was also in the program)and she seemed to have a sixth sence about things. She asked me how I was doing and I said "fine". She said, "no you're not, what's the matter sweetie?" I told her I couldn't figure out what to do about step 6. She said Jerry(my sponsor)was busy and suggested that I get out my Big Book and read the paragraph on step 6. She asked me, "what word jumps out at you?" I said willing or willingness. She asked, "are you willing to have all you defects removed?" I said "yes". Then she said, "now move on to the 7th step prayer. I prayed the prayer over the phone to her and she said...."you're done." "Now, get out of God's way and let Him decide which defects to remove in order for you to be of maximum service to Him, and your brothers and sisters." I thought, now how easy is that? However, I've learned over the years that saying the prayer is just the first step. I have to stay out of God's way and stop trying to do the job myself.