inventory questions of the day

[bbthumper]

Am I carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers? Or am I holding the message saying "if you want it you need to come get it"?

I too often hear the latter. This notion that when a newcomer is really ready, they'll ask for help. Do I go out of my way often enough to explain the spiritual solution and the fatal malady to a newcomer? Am I always willing to spend that extra half hour after a meeting to talk to a new man instead of my buddies?

Bottom line, is my primary purpose in line with that of AAs?

I asked myself this a while back and was disturbed at what I found. I was a holder of the message rather than a carrier. My actions have changed since then, but I always fall short of course. These are inventory questions that I need to look at often. And which, if I am honest, will disturb me enough to change if there are areas in which I am falling short of my primary purpose in AA.

[miamifella]

It was kind of a red letter day the other day. I went to a meeting for the first time in a very long time. It was a step meeting so there was only one person spoke and he was terrible. Within five minutes I knew I should just leave, but I did not.

Then at the end of the meeting, two people introduced themselves. You could have knocked me over. I do not think I had ever encountered that before in any meeting I had been to since 2000.

I had spent an hour angry at being trapped with the speaker's ego, but then those two people gave me hope. I had always been taught that newcomers are supposed to make the first move and I thought that was b.s. But here were two people who did not know that I had any time, approaching me. If I were a newcomer, that would have made a huge difference.

[Music]

I attended a meeting with a friend, and afterwards he commented on how he hadn't gotten anything out of the meeting. My question to him was, "what did you give to the meeting?" Do I always go to a meeting with the intention of always "getting", or do I go also to give? I've never been disappointed when I arrive at a meeting early, look around to find the person who looks to be alone and feeling a little down, approach that person and welcome him/her and strike up a conversation. Often times I don't know what they get out of it but I always go away grateful.

[Mark75]

That's awesome Miami, thanx for sharing that.

[miamifella]

Thanks, Mark. Back when I was in the program I really tried to do the program in the "correct" way. So I did not approach newcomers and did not extend myself to people in trouble.

But I think sometimes you have to ignore what you are told to do by sponsors and other group members and just do what you think is right. I wish I had had the balls to do so like these two fellas on Tuesday.

[Mark75]

Originally Posted by miamifella

But I think sometimes you have to ignore what you are told to do by sponsors and other group members and just do what you think is right.

I get that.

There is that thing we hear... "To thine own self be true"!

[bbthumper]

Originally Posted by miamifella

Thanks, Mark. Back when I was in the program I really tried to do the program in the "correct" way. So I did not approach newcomers and did not extend myself to people in trouble.

But I think sometimes you have to ignore what you are told to do by sponsors and other group members and just do what you think is right. I wish I had had the balls to do so like these two fellas on Tuesday.

Yeah. This is why I think knowledge of the book is so key. We hear all sorts of advice which seems to make sense, but just does not jive with what's in our literature. We are clearly instructed to do our best to work with the new man to the extent which he is willing. Where would we be if old Bill sat in the mayflower lobby waiting for a drunk to come to him for help?!

[IndaMiricale]

There's a old timer that reminds me often of his view of the differance form years back and today here in Cleveland...

"There is to much relying on prayer and god, and not of enough of getting off your ass , and helping another alcoholic."

I love some of these crusty old guys. I only hope I can make it that long..

Being new still I try to do something everyday...

[Sapling]

Originally Posted by Mark75

I get that.

There is that thing we hear... "To thine own self be true"!

And also "Thy will...Not mine...Be done". It's great to hear that miamifella...Nice share.

[MycoolFitz]

I think my issue is I want to give more than I get.

[Music]

Originally Posted by IndaMiricale

"There is to much relying on prayer and god, and not of enough of getting off your ass , and helping another alcoholic."

Ya know, I''ve never heard this statement made by anyone prior to today. The Big Book says my total reliance must be on my higher power and praying for the power to stay sober just for today, is why I'm here. I had to be taken from meeting to meeting and I had to learn how to introduce myself to the people at the meetings. I had no problem walking into a bar, saying "hi" to all my so-called friends, making myself at home and ordering my drinks. Talking to people, including newcomers is a learned behavior, one that I had to be taught and then practice in order to be comfortable doing it. If I don't rely on prayer and God, at some point I maybe won't need prayer and God any more and at that point, I'll have no benefit to the newcomer. When I look at the steps, there's only one that doesn't mention by name or by insinuation, God specifically. The steps are inspired by God and as the Big Book also states, it's only by working the steps that I discover the real meaning of "Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself."

[muvinon]

I find often I'm the only person in the room talking to the newcomer. Odd, but your post reminds me why this is so.

They are, indeed, chatting with their friends. The actions are sure different than the sharing.

Guy today said to our newcomer: "You're the most important person in this room." I almost laughed. He's never once asked me how I was doing. And today, he didn't even introduce himself to her after the close of the meeting.

But, whatever......

Everyone gets to do this deal their own way. I like to keep in mind I haven't any idea of how much 12 step work he might be doing in other ways. Not for me to judge.

Meanwhile, I really enjoyed meeting this young lady. Nice meeting for me. And she really did seem as though she meant it when she said...."I'll be back." Hope so.

[RobC420]

Recently at a meeting on this topic, a woman shared that it is her responsibility to do her 12th step regardless of where the newcomer is on their 1st step. That made a lot of sense to me.

[IndaMiricale]

Originally Posted by Music

Ya know, I''ve never heard this statement made by anyone prior to today. The Big Book says my total reliance must be on my higher power and praying for the power to stay sober just for today, is why I'm here. I had to be taken from meeting to meeting and I had to learn how to introduce myself to the people at the meetings. I had no problem walking into a bar, saying "hi" to all my so-called friends, making myself at home and ordering my drinks. Talking to people, including newcomers is a learned behavior, one that I had to be taught and then practice in order to be comfortable doing it. If I don't rely on prayer and God, at some point I maybe won't need prayer and God any more and at that point, I'll have no benefit to the newcomer. When I look at the steps, there's only one that doesn't mention by name or by insinuation, God specifically. The steps are inspired by God and as the Big Book also states, it's only by working the steps that I discover the real meaning of "Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself."

This man doesnt say dont make prayer and work with your higher power is something huge. He simply loves to tell the differance between getting sober 30-40 and 50 years ago when he came in.. He has 53 years of sobriety, I will listen to what he says.

[paul99]

It has taken me practice in talking to the newcomer. I was always fearful of coming across preachy and inundating them with too much at once, in my excitement of this program. I had to learn to tone it down a bit, but without toning down the message. I always remember my first meeting, still vibrating in the back, and some guy slid up beside me and just starting talking. Nothing big, but it meant a lot to me, as everyone had broken out into their little friendship groups and I was sitting alone. I have to remember what it's like to be that nervous, shaking guy. Good reminder!