Daily Reflections

[newby1961]

October 6, 2012
FACING OURSELVES

. . . . and Fear says, “You dare not look!”
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49

"How often I avoided a task in my drinking days, just because it appeared so large! Is it any wonder even if I have been sober for some time, that I will act that same way when faced with what appears to be a monumental job, such as a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself? What I discover after I have arrived at the other side–when my inventory is completed–is that the illusion was greater than the reality. The fear of facing myself kept me at a standstill and, until I became willing to put pencil to paper, I was arresting my growth based on an intangible."

c 1990 Daily Reflections Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, INC.

[RobC420]

When I was drinking, I wanted perfection. I had to be an expert at everything. I had to be the best, the smartest, and the most right. Everything about me had to live up to a standard that was impossible to attain. Facing myself meant facing imperfection. Fear of not reaching that impossible standard prevented me from being able to face myself. Instead, I worked diligently at finding faults in others so I could ignore my own.

When I hit bottom I could balk no more. I had to face and be satisfied with not being perfect. It became okay to not be the best or the smartest or right. I no longer needed to know everything and impress everyone. For the first time, I could just be me and suddenly I began to like who I am.....including my imperfections. I dared to look and I liked what I saw.

[newby1961]

I was kinda the complete opposite in that I remember at a young age about 13 that I was very far from being perfect so I set my goal to be as reckless as I could be and well I think I aced that department unfortunately.