Homegroup Members Bad Relapse..... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Justfor1 · 10-03-2012, 01:38 PM

I wasn't showing up to my regular after work type 6pm meeting & ran into a guy who called me & left a message asking me where I have been. Up until this point, I have never really been missed at meetings as I have been in and out of AA for years. Anyways, this group is very close & recently a member disappeared & stopped coming. Well now it's been conformed that this guys bike was spotted at Charley's Bar & Grill. Needless to say, he relapsed after just celebrating a year. What is the right thing to do? People have been calling him & he is ignoring all calls. Should we storm into the bar & talk to him? Of course, this may be a bit too much but this guy is a severe alcoholic who has been homeless, has seizures, brain functioning problems ect.....

CarolD · 10-03-2012, 01:55 PM

When you go on a 12th Step call...our BB says to take 2 people.
I doubt storming the bar is a good idea...

***PaperDolls*** · 10-03-2012, 02:08 PM

I've never stormed into a bar ..... I agree with Carol, probably not a good idea.

“I am responsible . . .
When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help,
I want the hand of A.A. always to be there.
And for that: I am responsible.”

When someone asks for help, I'm there.

Boleo · 10-03-2012, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaperDolls

When someone asks for help, I'm there.

I agree with PD

1. "You can lead a horse to water"

2. "But you can't make em drink."

When it comes to alcoholics, you can't even do the first part without their asking for it.

bbthumper · 10-03-2012, 02:25 PM

Ive always just called the individual and let them know that if they need anyone to talk to, we are there for him/ her. No sense in chasing them down if they dont want to talk.

Mark75 · 10-03-2012, 02:50 PM

Be there if he reaches out, pray for him... That's all you can do, that's all you should do.

muvinon · 10-03-2012, 02:58 PM

I call and let people know.......thinking about you. If you need help, call back. I really find that works. I do hear back often, and people are honest.....say they aren't ready. That's cool, too.

But it's nice to see that they trust me. I figure....never know. Might call and be ready one day.

RobC420 · 10-03-2012, 04:50 PM

Try to call and then let it be. It's his journey.

omegasupreme · 10-03-2012, 09:40 PM

Our text suggests that we might even spoil a future opportunity by bringing too much zeal to the table when approaching someone that may not be finished, not that anyone in here would ever bring zeal.

My sponsor tells a story from a step workshop he and some pals did one time. This newcomer, after the workshop ended up in the bar drinking. So my sponsor and his pals went in and removed her, told the bartender they were in recovery yada yada yada. They leave, the newcomer ends up back in the bar. They get her again and this time remove her prosthetic leg so she can't walk. Later on she ended up back in the bar...hopped back on one leg. He tells it much better but you get the point...

paul99 · 10-04-2012, 05:00 PM

Early in recovery a friend and I were in a meeting with another friend who was struggling. He left halfway through the meeting to go to a bar. Against the advice of my grandsponsor in the meeting, we followed this guy, trying to convince him to not drink, go for coffee, see a movie...ended up at a bar, watching him drink a beer. I had to leave.

I had to take my "rescue" hat off and realize that I can't help someone who isn't ready for it. It was the last time I did something like that. But what I did later on when he'd call me is tell him I can meet him at a meeting, or tell him what coffee shop I would be at and he can join me.

tomsteve · 10-05-2012, 05:34 AM

i agree with what has been said. it also says in the BB that if your prospect is not responsive, dont waster your time. i learned through experience that pushing myself on people that dont want it can push them away from recovery.

Music · 10-05-2012, 06:45 AM

I have to think back to when I was drinking, when my wife, my family and friends were telling me I drank too much and warned me about the consequences. Alcohol talked louder than any of them so what makes me think anything has changed?

The Big Book says John Barleycorn is the best convincer. Stay in touch, let him know you're there and care.

Tommyh · 10-05-2012, 06:58 PM

I figure AA has ruined his drinking
I would let sleeping dogs lie
and look for someone who wants soberty

IndaMiricale · 10-05-2012, 07:34 PM

Well I agree with just letting them know the doors are open, and we dont eat our wounded.

And I just sent a prayer out for that..

10-03-2012, 01:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
Justfor1 Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Midwest USA Posts: 2,158	Homegroup Members Bad Relapse..... I wasn't showing up to my regular after work type 6pm meeting & ran into a guy who called me & left a message asking me where I have been. Up until this point, I have never really been missed at meetings as I have been in and out of AA for years. Anyways, this group is very close & recently a member disappeared & stopped coming. Well now it's been conformed that this guys bike was spotted at Charley's Bar & Grill. Needless to say, he relapsed after just celebrating a year. What is the right thing to do? People have been calling him & he is ignoring all calls. Should we storm into the bar & talk to him? Of course, this may be a bit too much but this guy is a severe alcoholic who has been homeless, has seizures, brain functioning problems ect.....

10-03-2012, 01:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	When you go on a 12th Step call...our BB says to take 2 people. I doubt storming the bar is a good idea... __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

10-03-2012, 02:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
*PaperDolls* Community Greeter Join Date: May 2004 Location: Midwest Posts: 7,827 Blog Entries: 10	I've never stormed into a bar ..... I agree with Carol, probably not a good idea. “I am responsible . . . When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.” When someone asks for help, I'm there. __________________ Advice is like snow; the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. --Samuel T. Coleridg

10-03-2012, 02:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
bbthumper Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Cleveland, OH Posts: 1,152	Ive always just called the individual and let them know that if they need anyone to talk to, we are there for him/ her. No sense in chasing them down if they dont want to talk. __________________ *~BBThumper* ~All Big Book Quotes from the 1st edition A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. C. S. Lewis

10-03-2012, 09:40 PM	#9 (permalink)
omegasupreme Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Trenches, Texas Posts: 755	Our text suggests that we might even spoil a future opportunity by bringing too much zeal to the table when approaching someone that may not be finished, not that anyone in here would ever bring zeal. My sponsor tells a story from a step workshop he and some pals did one time. This newcomer, after the workshop ended up in the bar drinking. So my sponsor and his pals went in and removed her, told the bartender they were in recovery yada yada yada. They leave, the newcomer ends up back in the bar. They get her again and this time remove her prosthetic leg so she can't walk. Later on she ended up back in the bar...hopped back on one leg. He tells it much better but you get the point... __________________ “There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”-Anthony de Mello

10-03-2012, 02:50 PM	#6 (permalink)
Mark75 Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,823	Be there if he reaches out, pray for him... That's all you can do, that's all you should do.

10-03-2012, 02:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
muvinon Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Houston Texas Posts: 541	I call and let people know.......thinking about you. If you need help, call back. I really find that works. I do hear back often, and people are honest.....say they aren't ready. That's cool, too. But it's nice to see that they trust me. I figure....never know. Might call and be ready one day.

10-03-2012, 04:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
RobC420 Euphoric Recaller Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: PHX Suburbs Posts: 371	Try to call and then let it be. It's his journey.

10-04-2012, 05:00 PM	#10 (permalink)
paul99 Fellow Traveler and Seeker Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 1,794	Early in recovery a friend and I were in a meeting with another friend who was struggling. He left halfway through the meeting to go to a bar. Against the advice of my grandsponsor in the meeting, we followed this guy, trying to convince him to not drink, go for coffee, see a movie...ended up at a bar, watching him drink a beer. I had to leave. I had to take my "rescue" hat off and realize that I can't help someone who isn't ready for it. It was the last time I did something like that. But what I did later on when he'd call me is tell him I can meet him at a meeting, or tell him what coffee shop I would be at and he can join me.

10-05-2012, 05:34 AM	#11 (permalink)
tomsteve Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: northern michigan. not the U.P. Posts: 3,099	i agree with what has been said. it also says in the BB that if your prospect is not responsive, dont waster your time. i learned through experience that pushing myself on people that dont want it can push them away from recovery. __________________ all big book quotes from 1st edition

10-05-2012, 06:45 AM	#12 (permalink)
Music Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Zion, Illinois Posts: 2,806	I have to think back to when I was drinking, when my wife, my family and friends were telling me I drank too much and warned me about the consequences. Alcohol talked louder than any of them so what makes me think anything has changed? The Big Book says John Barleycorn is the best convincer. Stay in touch, let him know you're there and care. __________________

10-05-2012, 06:58 PM	#13 (permalink)
Tommyh Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 18,977	I figure AA has ruined his drinking I would let sleeping dogs lie and look for someone who wants soberty

10-05-2012, 07:34 PM	#14 (permalink)
IndaMiricale Powerless over Alcohol Join Date: May 2011 Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny! Posts: 4,020	Well I agree with just letting them know the doors are open, and we dont eat our wounded. And I just sent a prayer out for that.. __________________ "The only real thing in life are dreams, which nature cant touch with decay." Bob Dylan "Each day,somewhere in the world ,recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic , sharing experience,strength and hope."

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