Daily Reflections

[newby1961]

October 3

Daily Reflections

SERENITY AFTER THE STORM

Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that
pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily
we A.A.'s can agree with him. . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p p. 93-94

When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that
growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has
taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful,
that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness. If I
am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and
its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual
progress.

c 1990 Daily Reflections Alcoholics Anonymous world Services, INC.

[RobC420]

I can't say that I've experienced painful things I needed to step through in recovery. Sometimes I wonder if I even recognize what pain considering I've been numb to such feelings for so long. I also wonder if my idea of pain is completely warped and I just don't know how it feels for something to be 'painful', compared to situations others describe as 'painful'. Maybe I'm feeling pain, but call it something else? I dunno. I imagine the death of a parent, or child, or divorce would be painful. I have not experienced those things.

I can, however, say that I have become completely aware of my heightened anxiety levels and can easily recognizes things that raise my anxiety in recovery. Asking someone to be my sponsor made me extrememly anxious. Subsequently calling him once a day for months made me extrememly anxious. Asking a girl out for the first time in ten years made me extremely anxious. Trying to get the bank to foreclose on me when I have no control over the situation makes me anxious. There are a number of examples. But I have faced them, and with the support of my HP, have stepped through them all while sober. I would call these situations and getting through them: emotional turmoil, growth, experiencing inner change, moving from selfishness to selflessness, spiritual progress, and serenity inducing. Would I use the word 'painful'. I can't honestly say. I'm not sure I know what that word describes yet.