Do I need the meetings?

[digderidoo]

This is a question I have been asking myself of late.

I have been in AA for four and a half years, I'm now two and a half years sober, work the program on a daily basis and had a spiritual experience from working the steps. I am grateful to AA for all that it's done for me, I have done plenty of service (and continue to do on an intergroup level). I continue to keep in touch with the winners and do use the phone. My life has changed over these years and I'm now doing things in my life outside of AA such as a degree, travelling, etc.

On the other hand however I'm beginning to see people at the meetings relapsing, hear a lot of negative vibes at the meetings and starting to find them a chore. I have never been one for attending meetings every day and wasn't one of the newcomers to do the 90 in 90. I see a number (the majority) of those attending not really progressing in life, but stuck in a cycle of meeting attendence and nothing more.

I am really beginning to question whether I want to go anymore. Not that I would rule not going ever again out, but questioning whether I really need them for my sobriety. My sponsor has suggested trying different meetings in another town, so that I don't get stagnant, but found that when I have tried other meetings I don't really feel that different.

I understand that we need to be there for the newcomer, but I am asking myself do I need to be there for me, or is it now having negative effect?

[Veritas1]

Well, the book tells us that practical experience shows us that nothing will insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.

How would we do this if we never went to meetings?

Is SR intensive work with other alcoholics? When we try to help newcomers on that section of our forum, would this qualify?

Can we replace meetings with SR?

Good topic.

I will listen, thank you.

[mfanch]

We do not rest on our laurels. We keep it by giving it away. When my meetings are "meh", I ask what I can bring rather than what I can take away. I also am heavy into sponsorship and the meetings is where I find the newcomer (usually). I would really look at what, exactly, is causing these feelings....

[Db1105]

The great thing about AA is that you can do whatever in the hell you want to. For me, the only way I can really practice the 12 step is to be where the still suffering alcoholics are. That means meeting. I'll forever be grateful for those who continued to go to meetings with long term sobriety to show me that AA works.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by digderidoo

I understand that we need to be there for the newcomer, but I am asking myself do I need to be there for me, or is it now having negative effect?

Personally, I don't feel I need meetings but sometimes I want meetings. I have learned that I do need to practice spiritual principles on a daily basis to maintain the peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose that keeps me spiritually fit.

However, meetings are just one of many venues to do so. Because of my job, I occasionally go a month or two between meetings. Thoughts of drinking don't enter my mind because of lack of meetings but I do feel a like my sense of purpose is drifting away if I don't carry a message to some newcomer. I can easily do that here at SR.

As far as the "negative effect" of meetings, I try to avoid non-literature meetings as they are not good venues for carrying the message. In fact, a really bad meeting is still a source for resentments for me. I expect those feelings will eventually go away when I
become so damn humble that I am of no earthly use to anyone.

[chuwantmybuffet]

Thats happend to me before, some meetings are just lame, so find some new ones maybe check out NA? NA always seemed to have a better vibe to it than AA in all respect to AA. You know what happend when I stopped going to meetings? RELAPSE.

[bbthumper]

My honest opinion, if you're recovered, do you need the meetings? Maybe not. Do you need other alcoholics to work with? If you're planning on continuing to work the steps, absolutely. So my question is, if you're not going to meetings, do you have somewhere else to carry the message to other alcoholics?
When we recover, the meetings are no longer about what they do for us, its about us being there to do whatever we can for the newcomers.

[2granddaughters]

I need the meetings more today than I ever have... to grow spiritually... to mature.

Quitting drinking was just the beginning... the tip of the iceberg of recovery.

All the best.

Bob R

[digderidoo]

Thanks, all the comments have been helpful so far. Maybe I should find a meeting that is a step study, or as has been pointed out around the literature. I don't sponsor anyone, maybe that's an idea to move forward and I also enjoy prison service, which i have got myself involved in, which does attract the newcomer in that environment.

I think it's just a case of sitting in the same meetings and they're becoming stale, especially when there's no talk of the program. I do from time to time go a week or two without a meeting and find I don't miss them, which is why I'm questioning it at the moment. I think many of us get sick or bored of the meetings from time to time, it's just that lately i'm thinking about it more and more.

[RobC420]

Originally there weren't meetings per se and people recovered using only the book so the answer is "no, you don't need the meetings."

I like the meetings a lot, even though I can relate with them getting stagnate and such. I go so much though that a big reason I go is because all my friends hang out there. I think the meetings serve a purpose in my recovery so I continue to attend. I suppose at some point if my higher power let me know that I shouldn't go to meetings as much or at all, thats what I would do.

[PaperDolls]

I feel the same way often when I go to my home group. I do find going to different meetings helps. It's easy to get tired of hearing the same people say the same things. Myself included!

Because my life is more full now I don't get to as many meetings as I used to. I do notice when I don't get to many though so I try to go at least once a week, usually more though. My hubby notices too.

I don't know how many you currently attend .... but what about cutting it down to 1 or 2, or whatever? See how things go.

[2granddaughters]

Originally Posted by digderidoo

Thanks, all the comments have been helpful so far. Maybe I should find a meeting that is a step study, or as has been pointed out around the literature. I don't sponsor anyone, maybe that's an idea to move forward and I also enjoy prison service, which i have got myself involved in, which does attract the newcomer in that environment.

I think it's just a case of sitting in the same meetings and they're becoming stale, especially when there's no talk of the program. I do from time to time go a week or two without a meeting and find I don't miss them, which is why I'm questioning it at the moment. I think many of us get sick or bored of the meetings from time to time, it's just that lately i'm thinking about it more and more.

I think it's normal for many of us to become complacent, to be tempted to relax, to let down our guard. After all, my idea of heaven was to be continually "comfortable numb".

Reading the 11 Stages of relapse scares me because I am tempted/inclined to slide down that slippery slope without even being aware.
Signs of Relapse - Warning Signs of an Alcohol or Drug Relapse

I commend you on your prison service !

All the best.

Bob R

[sugarbear1]

How many people are you sponsoring today?

[paul99]

I have swung both ways on that pendulum. When I was very early in recovery, I was going to 15-20 mtgs a week. It was just something I felt drawn to, even if I wasn't crazy about the group, etc. And someone told me that as long as I was working the steps (I was) that I didn't need so many meetings. Then I got to a place where I was thinking the same - maybe I don't need the meetings at all! But I realized that I need to be with my peeps, and to find the newcomer to work with. I have found a balance and I find that I truly do miss being with other alcoholics. It's not a big social thing for me, but I love to hear the message and see other hopeless alcoholics getting it, growing and helping others. I can't get that anywhere else.

[muvinon]

I have not yet heard people share when they relapse that they were right to stop going to meetings.

Most stop attending AA. And gradually the same old thinking and attitudes return.

They drink.

I have met many who have stopped attending meetings and substituted some form of online, and they claim that's sufficient for them.

I cannot judge the quality of their lives or sobriety, but I can tell you that the people I gravitate towards, even online, are not those folks. The ones who have what I want and whom I personally find stellar human beings.........go to meetings, work with others, and do the deal.

I'm in another program.....longer than in AA........and I know for sure when I realized that I no longer was going to "get" but going to "give." My enthusiasm returned when I accepted that change.

I've yet to understand how anyone can work the 12th step from outside the program.

[CarolD]

Welcome to our Alcoholism 12 Step Support Forum
chuwantmybuffet...
paul99 ...

[CarolD]

digderidoo...

I've been attending AA regularly for years and have
absolutely no plan to give them up for any reason.

I do hope you will not and I think your new plan of
adding sponsorship/literature and solution based meetings
is excellent...

[tomsteve]

oooo doggie do i relate to what ya type, dig!!!
when i got into recovery, my HG had 4 meetings/wk. then a 12 step club opened up and the HG moved there and had 11 meetings/wk. i would attend almost all meetings there. i got stale and stagnant. it got old listening to the same poeple. i brought it up at my HG and was told i needed to attend more meetings there.
then i got out to a few different ones. the experience of many, many years of recovery from different people said it is good to support the HG, but important to get out to other meetings. the story may be the same, but the views would be different. man, were they right! it helpped me tremendously.
carrying the message is vital to my recovery. i feel as dr bob did when he said it is a sense of duty. AA gave me the gift of sobriety and by not pulling newcomers in and sponsoring them, i was being very selfish and selfcentered. i had to( and still have to) give it away to keep it. there are a lot of hours in the day that newcomers arent at meetings and thats when they really need us.
i dont go to meetings anymore because i need to. i go because i want to. i know what has happened to many people that stopped goin to meetings.

[Justfor1]

I believe that if AA helped you get sober than you owe AA. I know people who only come to meetings on their sober dates & get the chip & attention. It happens here at SR also. I vow when I get long term recovery I will reach out to the chronic relapse folks. I never thought I would have to attend AA forever. But I am slowly starting to think otherwise.

[tomsteve]

good to see the progress on yer thinkin, justfor1. as you work the steps and T.I.M.E. passes, you will be able to help the newcomer/ relapser and will be able to know how it feels when we hear poeple getting it. its an experience you dont want to miss.