Counselling

[Jeni26]

My sponsor has suggested I need face to face counselling in addition to working through the steps. I'm so worried about doing this.
I'm doing well in sobriety, 4 months sober and coping ok. . Doing the 4th step is opening up some painful stuff and I know there are some old patterns of behaviour which are hard to break. But I'm doing it.
I'm scared that if I go into therapy it will delay progress. I don't want to spend too much time trawling over the past. It can't be changed.
I guess I need to hear from people who have successfully used a combination of therapy in addition to AA.
I want to be free of fear, and I'm concerned that having to open up old wounds will be counter-productive.
I want AA to be enough.

[Veritas1]

It has been suggested that I seek counseling as well.

I haven't made the call.

I don't really want to go over my life with a stranger while they sit there with their legal pad, uhum, yes, ok, time's up. That has been my experience with counselors.

I don't trust anyway.

I also assume there is nothing anyone could say to me that I don't already know.

I think I don't need it.

I heard an AA speaker say something like how the people that don't do what others do are the ones that believe that they don't need to.

We want to do it our way.

I don't really want to tell on myself. I set the rules on whom I want to share myself with, and I keep all others away.

It is natural for me to want to refuse counseling. I think it is more of me hiding.

I do understand being absolutely broken after a 4/5th step. I felt like I opened up all the wounds, read it to a sponsor, then fell apart.

I have used that as an excuse to not "go there".

But at some point I might have to go there to get past all the past.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for you.

[Db1105]

Yup, I did group and individual counseling my first year. I wasn't as well as I thought I was. It was really helpful for resolving some issues that needed be handled by a " professional". True progress for me was accepting that I needed outside help. I attribute having a solid foundation in early recovery of the 12 steps and counseling/therapy is the reason I haven't pick up a drink for over 34 years.

[wow04]

I did individual counseling. It really helped me. I searched for a 12 step counselor. I strongly recommend a 12 step counselor. Mine really helped me to apply the AA program in my life.

[Jeni26]

I didn't know 12 step counsellors existed, thanks for that info. I think that may be an option. I'm just scared of the whole process. I trust what my sponsor says.
Thanks for your replies.

[tomsteve]

welp, jeni, once again i am very glad to see the footwork you have been putting in and asking the questions you ask.
i am gonna gusee the reason you chose yer sponsor is because she has something y ou want and i am gonna guess yer sponsor isnt gonna lead you astray. now, iffen ya llok at the past a bit, and yer like me, just getting into AA you had fear of just doing that. fear of the unknown. so what did ya do? ya got some courage to do whatever you had to do for victory over alcohol.
now, if ya read the BB, it even suggest outside help and there is nothing wrong with getting outside coulneling. there are many therapists, counselors that are in recovery and/or have a very good understanding of alcoholim.
i havent been to a paid therapists/counselor outside of AA, but i have gone to people outside of AA with problems and was quite amazed with he help i received.
please forgive my spelling. im not fully awake yet.

[Jeni26]

Thanks tomsteve. Your replies are really helpful to me. Yes, my sponsor is brilliant and I do trust her, and yes I would do absolutely anything to get well.
Guess it would be very good to have someone therapy trained who is also familiar with alcoholism. Knowing these people exist is already spurring me forward. I just don't want to fall apart just as I'm feeling I'm making progress!
I am not very good at talking face to face except to my sponsor at the moment.

[tomsteve]

look how far you've come. has any of that footwork made ya fall apart? not only that, but ya can only fall aprt if ya let it happen, and i highly doubt yer gonna let it happen.

[Music]

Originally Posted by Jeni26

I didn't know 12 step counsellors existed, thanks for that info. I think that may be an option. I'm just scared of the whole process. I trust what my sponsor says.
Thanks for your replies.

Good for you Jeni. Trust me, there's nothing to be afraid of. I've been in your shoes and I just trusted my sponsor and God to direct me. No one knows what will be gained, but it certainly can't hurt. Give it a try and don't forget to be honest.

[PaperDolls]

I did lots of therapy. To be honest, most of it was while I was still drinking ..... towards the end. I didn't seem like it at the time but it really did help. I think it made my 4th and 5th steps a bit easier because I had dealt with a lot of stuff already.

When you meet with a therapist I would suggest telling them exactly what you told us. That you are scared that if I go into therapy it will delay progress. That you don't want to dwell on things from the past but focus on solutions. Talk about your concern of opening up old wounds.

The thing is, it's possible it will take a minute to find the right therapist that has the same methodology and goals in mind. I went through a view different therapists myself before I found the right one for me.

[2granddaughters]

Originally Posted by Jeni26

My sponsor has suggested I need face to face counselling in addition to working through the steps. I'm so worried about doing this.
I'm doing well in sobriety, 4 months sober and coping ok. . Doing the 4th step is opening up some painful stuff and I know there are some old patterns of behaviour which are hard to break. But I'm doing it.
I'm scared that if I go into therapy it will delay progress. I don't want to spend too much time trawling over the past. It can't be changed.
I guess I need to hear from people who have successfully used a combination of therapy in addition to AA.
I want to be free of fear, and I'm concerned that having to open up old wounds will be counter-productive.
I want AA to be enough.

Why did your sponsor suggest that you get a therapist?
Does your sponsor not think that "AA is enough"?
Why would they have therapists if they delayed or subverted the process?
When you find the secret to being "free of fear" please come back and tell me what it is.

Again, Jeni, this is an impossible issue to render a comment on as I really don't know you, your sponsor or your situation. What do the other oldtimers in your group(s) say.... they have first hand information.

All the best.

Bob R

[luvstruckbaby]

Db1105 Like how you put it. I learned a lot in therapy that I didn't get from AA like new ways to deal with the hard stuff a new way and not hiding in the alcohol and drugs. I have been alcohol/drug free since 4/5/09!

[Jeni26]

Thankyou all for sharing your experiences xxx

[muvinon]

I sincerely wouldn't know if another person could benefit from therapy or not. I find I wince hearing how sponsors suggest this so often. There are so many types of therapy and such varied skills of therapists....that it would be impossible to predict how it will go for any one person.

But, there's no conflict with the program. We can say that confidently. And there's also nothing that you can't face with a strong relationship with your higher power.

So, if you pray and find this is an option to explore, then why not approach like anything else that might scare you.

[DayTrader]

I HAD to go to a therapist - part of my sentence for multiple DUIs. Same deal as you, I had many reservations. The biggest was that I truly believed it was a commmmmplete racket and that the end result would be that I'd blame everything on mommy and daddy.....and that it would make AA/recovery overly complex.

Like others here said....it was a wonderful experience for the 3 yrs I did it (court ordered for two....one year I did because I liked the results). I'd still be going had I not moved an hour and a half away....and it she wasn't "approved" to take insurance $ and $80 per week was too rich for my income.

The therapist God put in front of me was exactly what I didn't want: a woman, a rather liberal/feminist woman, she was hugely spiritual and very God-centered, 15yrs recovered come addict & alcoholic, and very much active in and in love with NA and AA. When I walked into my first meeting and discovered all those things about her, I knew I'd hate her and have to find another therapist. By the end of our first session, it was obvious she had A LOT that I wanted and that there was hope for me. All she "taught" in her office was 12-step based / God- based stuff.

Doing 4th and 5th steps with her was terribly painful as she knew just where to dig, where to push/lead me, and had the experience, by profession and her own personal experience with the steps/program to get me to go where I needed to go.....but didn't know I needed to go. She was like a second sponsor for me....or maybe a spiritual advisor. Very loving but much "tougher" than my AA sponsor.

I know plenty of folks who had both good and bad therapy experiences. Just like we all have good and bad meeting, aponsor, fellowship experiences. Finding the right therapist, for me, contributed immensely to my recovery. I dare say I probably wouldn't have stuck around with JUST the AA i was in at the time (which wasn't very string AA, that's for sure.....but I didn't KNOW it was middle-of-the-road AA at the time.).

Anyway.... I found it to be a very valuable tool in my recovery process.... As, if not more-so than anything else I've done.

[Jeni26]

Wow, thanks daytrader. That is just what i needed to hear. I think if I'm totally honest, what I felt initially was a little rejection. I have a growing relationship with my sponsor which feels very comfortable and secure. When she suggested counselling, I took it as though she was saying she couldn't deal with me, I was too messed up for her to cope with. She didn't say anything of the sort of course. But the thought of having to build yet another relationship with someone is scary, especially as it would involve working through some issues which are probably at the core of my obsessive nature. Those issues are deeply painful.
To hear from folks who have done this and found it not only beneficial but vital to their recovery gives me renewed hope.
I'm doing well in sobriety, but acknowledge there are fundamental issues which need to be uncovered and worked on.
Thanks so much for your support.

[DayTrader]

There were some parts of my past, pieces of my inventory if you will, that my sponsor wasn't well enough "equipped" to help me through. I see that now, as I look back. I needed someone with a different skill-set....someone trained and experienced in working with someone like me with the issues I had. Someone who had the same experiences themself....someone who'd walked 100's of ppl through and (more importantly) past them....someone to hold my hand as I worked through them.

I wanted my aponsor to be ALL the things I needed - that was probably a tad of an over-expectation. Haha. It was tough at times to blend my therapy stuff into my AA stuff - even though the "therapy" was 12-step based. I needed a lot of God to do that "blending.". .......and maybe that was the whole point?

[Jeni26]

Thankyou so much x

[RobC420]

I've never had any reservations about seeing a therapist. I was willing to go to therapy way before I was willing to go to AA. I saw one years ago when I was still drinking/using and it was pretty pointless because I wasn't willing to take any action that the therapist suggested. I also wasn't totally honest with the therapist. As it say in the BB I didn't really give him a fair shake. Eventually he terminated the relationship because of my unwillingness to do the footwork. I liked going however.

Since I got sober a year and a half ago, I've seen a therapist (same one from years ago) once a week aside from when he's on vacation. I like going and it is incredibly more effective now that I am actually completely honest with him and have the willingness to take action. I find it beneficial because there are things I can talk to him about and get a different take on it from what an AA member would say.

I am eternally greatful for the program of AA, but it is not the only aspect of my recovery.