AA Big Book Quote 1/16

[DolphinBlue]

"We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat
sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance
of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but
at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant
view of each and every one."

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 67

[Ninerfan]

I should have re-read this not so very long ago. Thanks for posting this DB.

[Digits101010]

Practicing that principle right now this very second. For the past few days [see my more recent thread] I have caught myself in moments of fantasy imagining that if I just could yell or scream or "teach a lesson to" someone then I would feel better.

"How could they do this to me?"

I had a vision last night, however...kind of a dream but more like a vision: That nothing about *this* [what's going on with me right now]has anything to do with me. My brain is my worst enemy in a situation like this...taking things so personally I can barely breathe. But this person *is* sick and I am trying to be loving and tolerant and realize that it's not about me, that I am hurt. I am hurt because I am sensitive, make things about me, take things personally, and get frustrated - bottom line- when I don't get what I want.

In this situation, I was victimized. The part I played is that I trusted someone I guess I shouldn't have because now I'm suffering and can barely stand to look at him.

I trusted a sick alcoholic and realized a pattern in myself - a character defect, if you will. [My sister wants to know why I always have to be a *defect* and I told her, it's only a defect when it causes me pain in my life...usually exemplified by a pattern. Thought that was cute.] I have noticed that, since sobriety, I have been hurt like this by 6 people. I have also noticed that my whole life's pattern has been example after example of being hurt when I trusted someone.

I guess I am hurt, now, because in AA I thought we were all working an honest program. I hear my friend's voice right now saying that nowhere in our text does it say we have to trust people. It says trust God.

I have a pattern of putting myself out there, being way too open for my own good. My life has been characterized by people telling me I am gullible, naive, and "lack a survivalist instinct" [which I can argue, now is false, since I came into AA to not just survive but live].

I think God made me that way. My SO even accused me of looking at the world through eyes like his son's...an 8 year old and I see nothing wrong with it. Even now, in this pain. I realized something when he said that and I said it to him: "So if I have to be hurt by people in order to keep those eyes, I'll take the pain." [...and it wasn't said to dare anything...] And you know what? It was almost as if Spirit was asking me the question and I was answering.

I like assuming that when people speak to me they're telling me their truth. I'd hate to assume all people are bad unless proven otherwise. I'm going through it sober today. I'm getting past it more quickly than I would be if I were drinking through it. I've kept it in perspective since I am working my program and not exagerating the pain due to drinking. It's brought me and my sponsor together, my SO and me together, it's brought me closer to God, it's helped me to realize that I can have pain and not let it be about me or what did I do wrong. But that I can simply take ANY pain and walk through it.

SO...back to topic: I can still take a kindly and tolerant view of this person. I do not have to trust him and as someone once said: "When a person reveals themselves to you for who they really are, believe them." [Reminds me of that one-liner: Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.]

Thanks for letting me share on this one Amy.
Love, Digits

PS. From my thread...I think it morphed to this one and I got even more clarity.