Moving to New City
Live it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 255
Moving to New City
I'm moving to a new city and I'm feeling a lot of mixed feelings. I love my apartment, my job, my boyfriend, my friends, my family, and this town.
On the other hand, the emotional abuse I've been enduring from my bosses at work has worn me down physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I'm a scapegoat at my workplace - everything is blamed on me, and I'm treated like an underling and disrespected, both to my face and behind my back, according to colleagues, and denied opportunities for professional growth that are afforded to others. I've been worked to the point where I needed to go to the hospital from overexposure to the sun and the heat, while my colleagues sit in the shade or leave to go home.
On my last day at work, my colleagues either didn't show up for my going-away luncheon, or left right afterward, leaving me to close up shop, clean up and move boxes of materials to storage all by myself. This happens frequently. The fact that it was my last day was just icing on the cake.
I know it's my fault, to an extent. While in active alcoholism, I allowed myself to get used in exchange for overlooking my alcoholism. Now that I'm sober, however, I can't tolerate this treatment.
Although, in the past, I met with my bosses to try to come to some kind of mutual agreement, at the end of the day, nothing ever changed. I was met with either lies (promises of change), which never came to fruition, or rage (threats, hostile denial of my requests, and accusations that I was lying or being defensive).
At last, I was offered a position lucrative enough to lure me away from my dream job to a nearby city. Although the pay is not significantly better, the security of the position is excellent, and best yet, my nights and weekends will be free. I can now pursue a masters in the field I love, as well as my other personal interests in performing, volunteering, networking and meeting people. Most importantly, recovery will come into focus for me: I can attend a meeting each day and finally finish step 4 once I get through this transition.
At the same time, I'm now leaving my apartment, which I adore, my job, which I love and had hoped would someday improve, my boyfriend, my friends and my family ... My sponsor and my AA friends can still be reached by phone for stepwork and support and I'll come down every other week or so to meet with my sponsor and see my boyfriend and family.
Still, that's a lot of gas and my car is on its last legs. I worry I won't make it down very often. I worry about feeling lost.
There are a ton of goals and dreams on my plate ... but all I really want is family and serenity.
I'm trying to see this as an opportunity to focus on recovery and building myself back up after a traumatic experience. My sponsor tells me this is the way to look at it. I struggle with feeling sad about it, though, as though I am grieving.
On the other hand, the emotional abuse I've been enduring from my bosses at work has worn me down physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I'm a scapegoat at my workplace - everything is blamed on me, and I'm treated like an underling and disrespected, both to my face and behind my back, according to colleagues, and denied opportunities for professional growth that are afforded to others. I've been worked to the point where I needed to go to the hospital from overexposure to the sun and the heat, while my colleagues sit in the shade or leave to go home.
On my last day at work, my colleagues either didn't show up for my going-away luncheon, or left right afterward, leaving me to close up shop, clean up and move boxes of materials to storage all by myself. This happens frequently. The fact that it was my last day was just icing on the cake.
I know it's my fault, to an extent. While in active alcoholism, I allowed myself to get used in exchange for overlooking my alcoholism. Now that I'm sober, however, I can't tolerate this treatment.
Although, in the past, I met with my bosses to try to come to some kind of mutual agreement, at the end of the day, nothing ever changed. I was met with either lies (promises of change), which never came to fruition, or rage (threats, hostile denial of my requests, and accusations that I was lying or being defensive).
At last, I was offered a position lucrative enough to lure me away from my dream job to a nearby city. Although the pay is not significantly better, the security of the position is excellent, and best yet, my nights and weekends will be free. I can now pursue a masters in the field I love, as well as my other personal interests in performing, volunteering, networking and meeting people. Most importantly, recovery will come into focus for me: I can attend a meeting each day and finally finish step 4 once I get through this transition.
At the same time, I'm now leaving my apartment, which I adore, my job, which I love and had hoped would someday improve, my boyfriend, my friends and my family ... My sponsor and my AA friends can still be reached by phone for stepwork and support and I'll come down every other week or so to meet with my sponsor and see my boyfriend and family.
Still, that's a lot of gas and my car is on its last legs. I worry I won't make it down very often. I worry about feeling lost.
There are a ton of goals and dreams on my plate ... but all I really want is family and serenity.
I'm trying to see this as an opportunity to focus on recovery and building myself back up after a traumatic experience. My sponsor tells me this is the way to look at it. I struggle with feeling sad about it, though, as though I am grieving.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I've re located twice in recovery and I immeidately found
a new AA group to connect with.
I hope you will too..and continue to grow ..
All my best as you explore this opportunity
a new AA group to connect with.
I hope you will too..and continue to grow ..
All my best as you explore this opportunity
Last edited by CarolD; 09-03-2012 at 07:37 PM.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
One thing I look back at frequently is how adamant I was about never being a sell-out, never being one of those people who'd give all the credit to God when something good happened to them, never being the kind of guy who "needed" people around them to help support them through life and, above all....never ever joining some stupid "support group" to handle something I should be absolutely capable of handling on my own.
I still get a chuckle every time I come across "we fancied ourselves as rugged individualists" in the BB.
So anyway, on came alcoholism and alcoholic drinking......pain....suffering.....yada yada. I honestly detested AA and, being honest, didn't have any respect for anyone who "needed" AA or needed to be in AA. I bet you wish you were at my first tables, huh?
Well obviously......those "old ideas" got completely smashed. All those things......all those beliefs that I was so convinced in were systematically proved to be wrong - or, perhaps misguided is a better word. And those weren't new ideas either..they were olllllld beliefs that I'd held onto for decades. Eventually, I came to see I was quite simply wrong.....all those things I though were so bad were really good.
The idea that God put me here (in recovery, in AA, on this board, etc) started to make more and more sense. How else could I be doing so many things, and loving them, when I'd spent a lifetime believing I hated them? Had to be the hand of SOMEthing out there, right?
When I'm faced with a big change......or a big fear......or needing to do something I reeeeeally don't want to do..... it sure is helpful to look back through my past (my inventory too) and see allllllllll the areas where I was convinced of something that was 180* out of phase with what reality would end up being.
Putting this into practice is one of my life's great challenges. I can get SOOOO incredibly wrapped up in what I think, feel or believe I want that I can block out all thoughts to the contrary. I just hunker down in the bunker of my mind and try to WISH my way through things.... ah.....but then I remember....."look how many times you were 110% convinced of what you needed yet were completely off base and - actually - working in the wrong direction Michael."
Facing a fear like moving and all the big changes that come with it isn't easy.....but it's helpful for me to see that maybe..........even though I think it's "bad"...........maybe it's really good and I just don't recognize it yet.
best of luck to you.
......and make sure to find some meetings in that new area STAT! (doing this helped ease me into my new situation......it provided the ease and comfort of something familiar when I recently moved).
I still get a chuckle every time I come across "we fancied ourselves as rugged individualists" in the BB.
So anyway, on came alcoholism and alcoholic drinking......pain....suffering.....yada yada. I honestly detested AA and, being honest, didn't have any respect for anyone who "needed" AA or needed to be in AA. I bet you wish you were at my first tables, huh?
Well obviously......those "old ideas" got completely smashed. All those things......all those beliefs that I was so convinced in were systematically proved to be wrong - or, perhaps misguided is a better word. And those weren't new ideas either..they were olllllld beliefs that I'd held onto for decades. Eventually, I came to see I was quite simply wrong.....all those things I though were so bad were really good.
The idea that God put me here (in recovery, in AA, on this board, etc) started to make more and more sense. How else could I be doing so many things, and loving them, when I'd spent a lifetime believing I hated them? Had to be the hand of SOMEthing out there, right?
When I'm faced with a big change......or a big fear......or needing to do something I reeeeeally don't want to do..... it sure is helpful to look back through my past (my inventory too) and see allllllllll the areas where I was convinced of something that was 180* out of phase with what reality would end up being.
Putting this into practice is one of my life's great challenges. I can get SOOOO incredibly wrapped up in what I think, feel or believe I want that I can block out all thoughts to the contrary. I just hunker down in the bunker of my mind and try to WISH my way through things.... ah.....but then I remember....."look how many times you were 110% convinced of what you needed yet were completely off base and - actually - working in the wrong direction Michael."
Facing a fear like moving and all the big changes that come with it isn't easy.....but it's helpful for me to see that maybe..........even though I think it's "bad"...........maybe it's really good and I just don't recognize it yet.
best of luck to you.
......and make sure to find some meetings in that new area STAT!
(doing this helped ease me into my new situation......it provided the ease and comfort of something familiar when I recently moved).
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Many thoughts as I read this, primarily because I am in the process of setting up life after a huge move.
I left job, friends, an area that I loved, to move across country to be nearer to my daughter and grandson. Worthy goal. No job and I am in a trailer in a friend's driveway. I am working towards my goal of sharing a home with my daughter and grandson, but I'm not there yet.
But I also know it was a move I HAD to make. I was having a lot of discomfort with my last job situation. Not to the degree you experienced, but in some similar ways and extremely upsetting for me. I didn't fit.
Meaning this. If a person swings a fist, heck if ten people swing their fists, but there is no one standing there to take the punch. No big deal.
But I was standing there taking the punches. I could see that swinging was the way SOME people there chose to operate, and it worked for them. I got adept at ducking the punches, but I got real tired of it, and sometimes I got caught off guard, and got hit pretty hard.
When people understand their lives as boxing rings, competitions and the only way to "win" is to knock someone else out, their manner of relating is going to be to swing and punch.
So I got out of the ring and left them to it. See, it wasn't about ME. They weren't purposely focusing on Me. That is just who they are, fighters.
I'm more of a cooperator, a rower, a team player. That's my style. So I picked up and moved where I could cooperate with my daughter in building the sort of home and life that we can thrive in.
What does your gut tell you? Where is your heart? What things in life bring you the most satisfaction and peace?
Those are the questions I ask myself every morning. I synchronize my actions with those "settings" and know I am headed where I want to be.
I left job, friends, an area that I loved, to move across country to be nearer to my daughter and grandson. Worthy goal. No job and I am in a trailer in a friend's driveway. I am working towards my goal of sharing a home with my daughter and grandson, but I'm not there yet.
But I also know it was a move I HAD to make. I was having a lot of discomfort with my last job situation. Not to the degree you experienced, but in some similar ways and extremely upsetting for me. I didn't fit.
Meaning this. If a person swings a fist, heck if ten people swing their fists, but there is no one standing there to take the punch. No big deal.
But I was standing there taking the punches. I could see that swinging was the way SOME people there chose to operate, and it worked for them. I got adept at ducking the punches, but I got real tired of it, and sometimes I got caught off guard, and got hit pretty hard.
When people understand their lives as boxing rings, competitions and the only way to "win" is to knock someone else out, their manner of relating is going to be to swing and punch.
So I got out of the ring and left them to it. See, it wasn't about ME. They weren't purposely focusing on Me. That is just who they are, fighters.
I'm more of a cooperator, a rower, a team player. That's my style. So I picked up and moved where I could cooperate with my daughter in building the sort of home and life that we can thrive in.
What does your gut tell you? Where is your heart? What things in life bring you the most satisfaction and peace?
Those are the questions I ask myself every morning. I synchronize my actions with those "settings" and know I am headed where I want to be.
Live it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 255
Thanks, everyone who responded! I've gotten hooked into AA here and am still setting up shop. I feel lonely, but my job is awesome. The people are really nice and the responsibilities are challenging enough to engage me for at least the next six months to one year.
The main problem now is my boyfriend. He won't go to couples counseling with me ... He says it takes too much time and money. Yet he calls me every night, texts me throughout the day, says that he loves me very much ... I know that he does. At least, I hope he does. I feel confused and lost. I feel very angry with him, because he wasn't there for me during the move.
I'm going to post more about this problem in the parenting forum. Lots to say on this subject.
Hope you're all well,
S_S
The main problem now is my boyfriend. He won't go to couples counseling with me ... He says it takes too much time and money. Yet he calls me every night, texts me throughout the day, says that he loves me very much ... I know that he does. At least, I hope he does. I feel confused and lost. I feel very angry with him, because he wasn't there for me during the move.
I'm going to post more about this problem in the parenting forum. Lots to say on this subject.
Hope you're all well,
S_S
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
good on ya for getting hooked with AA where ya moved. give it time and you'll find more friends in recovery where you live.
i have no advise on the boyfriend other that to post where ya said and call yer sponsor.
have an awesomely, blessed day.
i have no advise on the boyfriend other that to post where ya said and call yer sponsor.
have an awesomely, blessed day.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
I moved 2000 miles away in recovery. I left a job I loved, my whole family, my best friends, my church, my recovery group and guess what? It has been 10 yrs now and just today I sat outside on this most beautiful day and marveled at how GOD had done it cuz he loved me so much he wanted to grow me up. He put people and circumstances in my life that were some very very good, but others very very hard and I grew sooo much!
I am so glad that you are starting to get settled.
Blessings, Lily
I am so glad that you are starting to get settled.
Blessings, Lily
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