aa meeting advice - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

lovetodrink · 07-27-2012, 07:57 PM

Hi everyone, I have a little problem that is really bothering me and I need some experienced and outside people's advice on it.

I'm a grateful alcoholic of one month as of now. I've basically just read the big book and listened to amazing speakers every day so far to keep me sober. As of last Tuesday though I decided it's time to go to meetings and get a sponsor or I will end up back on the path of destruction again.

My issue I'm having is that the messages I'm hearing in these amazing talks I'm not really hearing or seeing in the meetings I go to. Only one meeting so far did they take out the 12 and 12 and read that. The other ones I brought my big book and I was the only one there with it...

I really want to work a pure AA program that I read about in the books and hear in these talks, but I havn't really ran into any meetings except for one that seems to match what I've been looking for.

I'm going to always go to this one meeting, but is it enough? and I'd like to know what else to look out for (sick meetings).

I was at one tonight and there was one guy who was sharing about the problems with certain aa meetings and how its disappoints him, etc etc. then after the meetings a bunch of people were gossiping about him...I feel like maybe he is the guy I should be listening to and not these other people that gossip and TELL you what to think...

any thoughts are appreciated.

thanks,

shaun00 · 07-27-2012, 09:19 PM

Can you search for a meeting called......big book study or step study ?

tomsteve · 07-27-2012, 09:32 PM

good on ya for gettin to a meeting. yup, there are meetings that have no format and yes, there are people that will gossip. just because poeple are at AA meetings doesnt mean they are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually sober. it happens. we are sick people and some sicker than others.

so, IMO, keep goin to that meeting, but do as shaun00 suggested and look into BB study and 12&12 study meetings. also look for topic meetings, too. you can never go to too many meetings early on, but you can go to too few.

AB1111 · 07-27-2012, 09:41 PM

Congrats on 1 month of sobriety! Maybe you can find somebody you relate to and find out what meetings they go to. It took awhile for me to find meetings with the recovery I was looking for.The Big Book reminds us to look for the similarities and not the differences and my sponsor suggested I go mens stag meetings in early sobriety. Good luck and welcome! Stay.

paulokes · 07-28-2012, 01:28 AM

First, there is some work to be done to make sure that you have the experience yourself. Then it's always up to us to "carry" the message, this is the real work and it lasts a lifetime. As others have said, if what you hear does not mact what you read in the BB, keep looking until you find it. Often called Big Book Study or Primary Purpose meetings.

Listening to 'inspirational' people talk about 'what's wrong with THOSE meetings' is a tempting side track to go down. It leads to Spiritual Pride, it's a common pitfall. It sounds promising at first, but experience tells me it's not the way.

All this sound a bit too much like hard work? "Many of us exclaimed what an order, I can't go through with it...". Best be sure we understand the full implications of steps 1-3.

sugarbear1 · 07-28-2012, 02:46 AM

I had to go out of my way to get to some really great meetings. It took a while longer to get there, but I had company in the car---the driver! I had met this wonderfully sober person who works a beautiful program and they took me to these meetings I couldn't get to very easily without a car. What a blessing!

Sometimes we have to find those meetings, maybe talk with that person and find out what other meetings they get to.

Those meetings DO exist!

Tommyh · 07-28-2012, 04:24 AM

like sugarbear,I had to go out of my way to find a really great meeting
50 miles one way but it is worth it.A lot depends on what part of the country you live in.If you live in the northeast,i would suggest looking up a big book step study group.

like you said,if we are talking about the problem,there is no way we can talk about the solution

BadCompany · 07-28-2012, 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovetodrink

I really want to work a pure AA program that I read about in the books and hear in these talks, but I havn't really ran into any meetings except for one that seems to match what I've been looking for.

Just be thorough as you work your program. In many of those speaker tapes what you hear is the cream of the crop so to speak. Not much chance of finding a meeting filled with nothing but 30 year sober oldtimers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovetodrink

and I'd like to know what else to look out for (sick meetings).

Drama. Every meeting will have their drama.Every person will have their pet peeve that sets them off, but, in the sick meetings the drama will consume the the meeting hall and will involve a large portion of the members. No sick alcoholic can resist drama.

YMMV

eta; the gurus. You will find the occasional meeting where one person is the designated guru. That person may or may not even attend that meeting. This never turns out well.

DayTrader · 07-28-2012, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovetodrink

Hi everyone, I have a little problem that is really bothering me and I need some experienced and outside people's advice on it.

I'm a grateful alcoholic of one month as of now. I've basically just read the big book and listened to amazing speakers every day so far to keep me sober. As of last Tuesday though I decided it's time to go to meetings and get a sponsor or I will end up back on the path of destruction again.

My issue I'm having is that the messages I'm hearing in these amazing talks I'm not really hearing or seeing in the meetings I go to. Only one meeting so far did they take out the 12 and 12 and read that. The other ones I brought my big book and I was the only one there with it...

I really want to work a pure AA program that I read about in the books and hear in these talks, but I havn't really ran into any meetings except for one that seems to match what I've been looking for.

I'm going to always go to this one meeting, but is it enough? and I'd like to know what else to look out for (sick meetings).

I was at one tonight and there was one guy who was sharing about the problems with certain aa meetings and how its disappoints him, etc etc. then after the meetings a bunch of people were gossiping about him...I feel like maybe he is the guy I should be listening to and not these other people that gossip and TELL you what to think...

any thoughts are appreciated.

thanks,

Oh Love.........you're so telling my story (and that of many of us here).

Step 11 uses the word "seek." It also appears in the chapter "a vision for you." You'll find the fellowship you crave......but you'll have to keep seeking it out.

Recorded open talks online and video tapes of a guy in Detroit doing a step workshop were vital to my early years in AA. Eventually though, I was able to find some real live ppl who had what I wanted......who practiced the principles of AA in a manner I respected. They're out there......keep seeking.

2granddaughters · 07-28-2012, 09:32 AM

And I had to learn to settle for less than perfection in others... and myself.
The words excellent, good and satisfactory had to enter my vocabulary and my life.

Yes, seek and you'll find. And the truth will set you free.

I have a group of good oldtimers that let me hang out with them. Right now I like/need that.

All the best.

Bob R

Retread59 · 07-28-2012, 10:03 AM

In my home group, we have specific meetings that are set aside for step study and book study. The other meetings generally follow a format of chairperson sharing and then open sharing. Sometimes the chairperson will quote from one of the texts but the point of that meeting is to allow people to share about their problems with alcohol.

I would look for a group that has step study and big book study meetings in addition to regular sharing. Attend those meetings if you can. You'll find what you are looking for there.

Boleo · 07-28-2012, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomsteve

so, IMO, keep goin to that meeting, but do as shaun00 suggested and look into BB study and 12&12 study meetings. also look for topic meetings, too. you can never go to too many meetings early on, but you can go to too few.

Good suggestion. Also look for "Lead Discussion" meetings. Not all areas have them but they are meetings where everyone is expected to stay "on topic" as opposed to "open discussion" meetings where it is impossible to separate the fly-poop from the pepper.

lovetodrink · 07-28-2012, 06:23 PM

thank you all so much!! this is exactly the advice I needed to look at this "issue" in a more positive light.

I really appreciate it!

I will continue to search for the fellowship I need.

muvinon · 07-28-2012, 06:56 PM

Of course, shop around.

But people in AA meetings aren't circuit speakers, which is what you're listening to. And those tapes, btw, don't always tell the entire story.

I once hosted a hospitality room where the speakers all hung out and chit-chatted. Trust me, their spouses were rolling their eyes at some of the claims made from the podium.

They carry the message, yes. And they do so in a wonderful fashion. The principles are the principles.

But real people show up weekly at the meetings. And real people are also going to be the ones to show up for you one day when you most need them.

07-27-2012, 07:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
lovetodrink Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 45	aa meeting advice Hi everyone, I have a little problem that is really bothering me and I need some experienced and outside people's advice on it. I'm a grateful alcoholic of one month as of now. I've basically just read the big book and listened to amazing speakers every day so far to keep me sober. As of last Tuesday though I decided it's time to go to meetings and get a sponsor or I will end up back on the path of destruction again. My issue I'm having is that the messages I'm hearing in these amazing talks I'm not really hearing or seeing in the meetings I go to. Only one meeting so far did they take out the 12 and 12 and read that. The other ones I brought my big book and I was the only one there with it... I really want to work a pure AA program that I read about in the books and hear in these talks, but I havn't really ran into any meetings except for one that seems to match what I've been looking for. I'm going to always go to this one meeting, but is it enough? and I'd like to know what else to look out for (sick meetings). I was at one tonight and there was one guy who was sharing about the problems with certain aa meetings and how its disappoints him, etc etc. then after the meetings a bunch of people were gossiping about him...I feel like maybe he is the guy I should be listening to and not these other people that gossip and TELL you what to think... any thoughts are appreciated. thanks,

07-27-2012, 09:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
tomsteve Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: northern michigan. not the U.P. Posts: 2,927	good on ya for gettin to a meeting. yup, there are meetings that have no format and yes, there are people that will gossip. just because poeple are at AA meetings doesnt mean they are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually sober. it happens. we are sick people and some sicker than others. so, IMO, keep goin to that meeting, but do as shaun00 suggested and look into BB study and 12&12 study meetings. also look for topic meetings, too. you can never go to too many meetings early on, but you can go to too few. __________________ all big book quotes from 1st edition

07-28-2012, 02:46 AM	#6 (permalink)
sugarbear1 ~sb Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: MD Posts: 9,781	I had to go out of my way to get to some really great meetings. It took a while longer to get there, but I had company in the car---the driver! I had met this wonderfully sober person who works a beautiful program and they took me to these meetings I couldn't get to very easily without a car. What a blessing! Sometimes we have to find those meetings, maybe talk with that person and find out what other meetings they get to. Those meetings DO exist! __________________ Someday everything will all make sense. For now, laugh at confusion, smile through tears, & remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. All Big Book quotes are from the first edition. Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

07-28-2012, 09:32 AM	#10 (permalink)
2granddaughters in my 24th year of sobriety Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get Posts: 4,401	And I had to learn to settle for less than perfection in others... and myself. The words excellent, good and satisfactory had to enter my vocabulary and my life. Yes, seek and you'll find. And the truth will set you free. I have a group of good oldtimers that let me hang out with them. Right now I like/need that. All the best. Bob R __________________ . . .If you want to drink, that's your business ..... .If you want to quit, that's A.A.'s business. . . --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. . . L.D. 1989

07-27-2012, 09:19 PM	#2 (permalink)
shaun00 Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: uk Posts: 2,507	Can you search for a meeting called......big book study or step study ?

07-27-2012, 09:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
AB1111 Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Orange County, CA Posts: 38	Congrats on 1 month of sobriety! Maybe you can find somebody you relate to and find out what meetings they go to. It took awhile for me to find meetings with the recovery I was looking for.The Big Book reminds us to look for the similarities and not the differences and my sponsor suggested I go mens stag meetings in early sobriety. Good luck and welcome! Stay.

07-28-2012, 01:28 AM	#5 (permalink)
paulokes Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 85	First, there is some work to be done to make sure that you have the experience yourself. Then it's always up to us to "carry" the message, this is the real work and it lasts a lifetime. As others have said, if what you hear does not mact what you read in the BB, keep looking until you find it. Often called Big Book Study or Primary Purpose meetings. Listening to 'inspirational' people talk about 'what's wrong with THOSE meetings' is a tempting side track to go down. It leads to Spiritual Pride, it's a common pitfall. It sounds promising at first, but experience tells me it's not the way. All this sound a bit too much like hard work? "Many of us exclaimed what an order, I can't go through with it...". Best be sure we understand the full implications of steps 1-3.

07-28-2012, 04:24 AM	#7 (permalink)
Tommyh Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 18,953	like sugarbear,I had to go out of my way to find a really great meeting 50 miles one way but it is worth it.A lot depends on what part of the country you live in.If you live in the northeast,i would suggest looking up a big book step study group. like you said,if we are talking about the problem,there is no way we can talk about the solution

07-28-2012, 10:03 AM	#11 (permalink)
Retread59 Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 128	In my home group, we have specific meetings that are set aside for step study and book study. The other meetings generally follow a format of chairperson sharing and then open sharing. Sometimes the chairperson will quote from one of the texts but the point of that meeting is to allow people to share about their problems with alcohol. I would look for a group that has step study and big book study meetings in addition to regular sharing. Attend those meetings if you can. You'll find what you are looking for there.

07-28-2012, 06:23 PM	#13 (permalink)
lovetodrink Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 45	thank you all so much!! this is exactly the advice I needed to look at this "issue" in a more positive light. I really appreciate it! I will continue to search for the fellowship I need.

07-28-2012, 06:56 PM	#14 (permalink)
muvinon Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Houston Texas Posts: 515	Of course, shop around. But people in AA meetings aren't circuit speakers, which is what you're listening to. And those tapes, btw, don't always tell the entire story. I once hosted a hospitality room where the speakers all hung out and chit-chatted. Trust me, their spouses were rolling their eyes at some of the claims made from the podium. They carry the message, yes. And they do so in a wonderful fashion. The principles are the principles. But real people show up weekly at the meetings. And real people are also going to be the ones to show up for you one day when you most need them.

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