Jail visits

[wow04]

Okay so the men in my community often visit the jails. I never thought much about this until last night when I was asked if I would join them on Wednesday night's visit. I was told my brother, that I haven't talked to in years, asked about me. I guess he is in jail for DWI and fleeding. I cut ties with him completely when I got sober. Come to find out my other brother (who was clean for 7 years and went on these jail visits, but is now drinking again) went and visited him and told him to take advantage of the jail visits. He said that my home group is the one that sends the men to the jails.

I know as a recovering alcoholic I am to carry the message. It is harder with family members. I have no idea what to do. Any experience in this?

[FredG]

As a recovering alcoholic it's important to remember that the programs asks us to carry the message, but it doesn't say to carry the drunk.

I notice that under your online name 'wow04', it says 'Let go and let God'. Could this be the answer you're looking for?

[shaun00]

Doesn't god work in beautiful ways sometimes?.

At night, i pray for the privilege to be put in the right spot at the right time.
and that ALWAYS happens completely different to how i "think" it will.

I must carry our message where ever i can, that might not be where i imagined....in fact it hardly ever is .

[wow04]

Shaun00 - Yes He does!!

I just don't get that I can carry the message to strangers, but it is so much harder when it is family.

[Tommyh]

it is harder when it is family,but there are others in that jail also.Your brother knows you when you was drunk,and lets hope he will see you sober and see the change.
Maybe somewhere down the road he may want what you have

[shaun00]

Sure it is ....

But my point would be, ...i don't get to choose, ...its part of a huge plan that i have no knowledge of, only complete FAITH in.

I complete understand that its easy for me, to see the beauty of the situation, standing on the outside looking in...cos i dont do the feelings attached .

Be interested to hear how it goes ........

[2granddaughters]

Originally Posted by wow04

I know as a recovering alcoholic I am to carry the message. It is harder with family members. I have no idea what to do. Any experience in this?

This would be a great subject to discuss with your sponsor and Home Group oldtimers.
The oldtimers that know you and care about you will give you good direction.

All the best.

Bob R

[RobbyRobot]

Originally Posted by wow04

Okay so the men in my community often visit the jails. I never thought much about this until last night when I was asked if I would join them on Wednesday night's visit. I was told my brother, that I haven't talked to in years, asked about me. I guess he is in jail for DWI and fleeding. I cut ties with him completely when I got sober. Come to find out my other brother (who was clean for 7 years and went on these jail visits, but is now drinking again) went and visited him and told him to take advantage of the jail visits. He said that my home group is the one that sends the men to the jails.

I know as a recovering alcoholic I am to carry the message. It is harder with family members. I have no idea what to do. Any experience in this?

Yeah, I've visited the jails many times. The guards already know about any planned visit and they will completely instruct you as to where you sit, the setup of the room, and everything else around that will already be done. Each jail or prison decides for themselves how things are done. Not for you to worry about. Just go with it and everything will be smooth.

Sharing with others in jail can be inspiring, and a bit scary depending on your personal experiences. Most inmates of jails and prisons who show up for AA meetings already know enough about what is what at a meeting to be okay with being present. Some will even be helpful, most will just sit back.

My advice, don't ever go alone, and don't try to insist on anything whatsoever from the guys doing the time. What you see is what you get, pretty well.

Speak simply and to the point. Talk with confidence and from experience. Share with them, and do not expect shares back, although it sometimes is a beautiful thing to see an inmate sharing, its rare while in prison, except for advanced meetings, in my experience anyways.

The other thing, guys in jail know its kinda tough to pull off these meetings, so most of them are helpful, and grateful, for the service provided for them. Its a good effort you're contemplating, and good fortune to you. Best to your brother too.

[wow04]

We aren't going in for a meeting. We are going to visit my brother during visiting hours. I am unable to do the meetings as I am female.

[sugarbear1]

What an opportunity to show your brother that you are now sober.

Maybe pray and meditate on what your higher power is seeking from you. What did your sponsor say?

Hugs,

[wow04]

I have recently gotten a new sponsor. We prayed together about it and she feels I should go. I know what I have to do. My sponsor says I need to look at him as an alcoholic and not my brother.

I haven't seen him over 8 years due to me getting sober. The last time we saw each other he said he didn't even know me anymore and as far as he was concerned he didn't have a sister. I know that was his addiction talking.

I have to let God guide me through this.

[CaiHong]

Hi Wow04,

Does your brother want to see you? If so your sponsor is probably right.

I am not very good with family, I find they trigger me somewhat, so all power to you for taking that step.
How is the other brother doing?

CaiHong

[wow04]

What a wonderful experience!!!

I haven't seen this brother in 8 years. I didn't recognize him at first, as he didn't me. I had gained weight and he had lost. I hugged my brother for the first time in I couldn't tell you how long.

He wanted to know how I could stay sober when we come from a family of drunks (his words). I told him what footwork I do on a daily basis to stay sober and how God does the rest. He said I gave up my whole family. I explained how I had to at first. I explained that I go around all my other brothers. He wanted to know why I left him out. I explained that he was my trigger. I used with him more than the other 3 brothers. He was my drinking buddy. I explained that when I didn't drink with him he got mad and told me he didn't have a sister.

The thing that stuck out the most was when he said "When you quit drinking with me I noticed that I drank more than everyone else. I started to notice that people didn't really want to be around me. I isolated myself."

I told him that I loved him and wanted to see him get help. I told him all the great things that have happened to me since I got sober. I encouraged him to keep going to the jail meetings. He told me he is facing prison time. I told him that doesn't matter.

Before I left, I hugged him again and gave him a copy of my Big Book.

[wow04]

Originally Posted by CaiHong

Hi Wow04,

Does your brother want to see you? If so your sponsor is probably right.

I am not very good with family, I find they trigger me somewhat, so all power to you for taking that step.
How is the other brother doing?

CaiHong

Yes, my brother asked for me.

The other brother is hanging on. He was in recovery for 7 years and went back out. His health isn't the best, but he will tell you it isn't because of his drinking. We all know how that goes. All I can do is show him what being sober has done for me and pray for him.

[CaiHong]

Wow04,

What a truly amazing experience with your brother. it sounds like you have bridged the gap of so many years and also touched on his alcoholism and he sounds ready to listen.

This jail time may be what he needs to get sober and into the program.

When I hear of people who have been years sober and go back out and seemingly forget everything about alcoholism it gives a much needed reminder of never get complacent, work the program daily.

Thanks for that.

Love
CaiHong