Putting ourselves on our 4th step inventory

[UpperbucksAAguy]

"If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself." (BB page 71)

The Big Book seems to leave this open. Do you think you belong on your 4th step or not?


BB Quotes-First Edition

[DayTrader]

I made my first one, not that that means much.

In later years, I've come and gone from my resentment list but I've been on most of them. I;m also using the old "re-feel" definition of resentment.

Mostly, it was me in column 1......then things like sloth, pride, or anger/rage in column 2. Column 3 is simple...but 4 can be a challenge - especially looking for dishonesty. I usually need some outside help - sponsor or whomever I'm doing 5 with - for some guidance in that last column.

[Notabobblehead]

I did not put my name on any of my inventories. I do not see in either the BB or the 12 &12 any example that we should do this. (If they are in either book please let me know)

For me, self-pity was a defect I needed to be rid of. For me to wallow in the “woe is me, look what I have done to myself” keeps me self-centered. Not the point of the inventory process.

The 4th step in the 12 & 12 suggests that the sponsor point out that the sponsee is no better or worse than others in the fellowship. As a sponsor this is where I am to share my experience strength and hope. There is a solution.

The purpose of the 4th step per the BB (pg 64 top of the pg) is to “...be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.”

All BB quotes from the first edition.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by Notabobblehead

For me, self-pity was a defect I needed to be rid of. For me to wallow in the “woe is me, look what I have done to myself” keeps me self-centered. Not the point of the inventory process.

I agree. Holding on to a victim mentality is the last thing I want to do.

[jojoba]

The most important amends is the one you make to yourself.

[SteppingItUp]

"We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only Seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived."

Sore at others, sore at ourselves. Sore at others (angry at others, as is called for in column 2 "We asked ourselves why we were angry"); sore at ourselves, in the form of remorse (angry at ourselves, and the purpose of column 2 fits exactly the same.) Anything that causes resentment goes on my resentment list. That is, if it causes me anger or remorse (as in anger, guilt, shame), it qualifies, no matter what the person, institution or principle, no matter if it's fancied or real. I definitely put myself in my 4th step and 10th step inventories.

It's written that "Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade." I may not like these things about myself, but if my inventory is done as a fact-finding, fact-facing mission, I need to get honest about how I'm showing up. It's true that the book says, "Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us." I just believe that the 4th step isn't on it's own the place where I get rid of these things. I can't manage or rid myself of my defects. Rather, it's God's business as emphasized in step 7.

What an amazing journey this is. Thanks for this thread, some wonderful people on this board, love you guys, learning all the time.



P.S. In case the question comes up, I do not put myself on my amends list. The BB says, "Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything." Thereby, together with other excerpts in the same chapter that imply a similar spirit, I do not believe I am not the "others" in step 9.

* BB quotes 1st ed.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by SteppingItUp

The BB says, "Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.

The BB also says:

"The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others."
- page 74

[UpperbucksAAguy]

The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others."
- page 74

But does that sentence imply that we cannot be resentful towards ourself?

What if the issue is a person who cuts themselves? Would there be a sense of self loathing that may not be put on paper otherwise?

What about the alcoholic who swears up and down they don't have any resentments

"We have listed and analyzed our resentments." (page 70) Is it not possible to resent ourself?

"We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty." (BB page 65)




BB Quotes-First Edition

If I deny my resentment towards myself how honest am I being?

[cfm]

Ya know, I'm kinda open here. If it works for ya go ahead. Just don't cut your 4th into 2in. strips and start performing self-flagellation with it

[Tommyh]

I did not put my name on any inventories
I am the reason I was taking a inventory
I am the reason I made a 8th step list out
I figure I was smeared all over that stuff one way or another anyhow

but

the big book don`t say "don`t do it"
try it and let us know how it workds

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by UpperbucksAAguy

If I deny my resentment towards myself how honest am I being?

Getting rid of self-centeredness requires some self-mortification.

"Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness."

- page 14

[DogShow]

Hey All,

I asked my sponsor this question....as well as "what about the good stuff". He said, " A fourth and fifth step is about getting rid of the crap, and becoming right with ourselves. 6 and 7 are about cleaning it up with God. 8 and 9, cleaning it up with others. Now whatever you need to write in your fourth step to shed your fear, anger, guilt and shame...you right it. I am sure it won't get you drunk. what will get you drunk is you sitting there like you always do and trying Think about how you should do something, stopping thinking and just start doing. And about the good stuff, Look, you were not a model citzen, if you were like me, your selfishness knew no bounds. So I doubt that good list is going to be very long and you probably have already let the world know that you put a dollar in the collection plate at the meeting, if you want balance on your fourth step, opposite your liabilities you write your assets, and your assets are all the things you have to be grateful for. So what's gonna be, another Jim's a helluva guy testimony...or a Jim has a bunch of stuff in his life, that he tried with all his might to destroy list."

I am glad he had the balls to pull my BS card. Because that whole what about the good stuff thing, was all about Jim trying to make sure he was comfortable and not misrepresented. AA is not therapy, this is not about balance....we need some extreme change when we walk in. The steps, they are not always comfortable to do.

[SteppingItUp]

Ultimately it sounds like a column 1 question.

The directions for column 1 are: "We listed people, institutions or principle with whom we were angry."

We read on p.66 about how we can be angry (sore) at others or angry (sore) at ourselves (remorse).

The only reason I wouldn't be in my 1st column is if I have no anger with myself (remorse, usually in the form of guilt and shame). When I think about my first 4th step especially, after years of living on selfish decisions, mistakes and regrets, leading the double life of the alcoholic, very much the actor, presenting the stage character, having a code of morals and not being able to live up to it, you can bet there was a lot I was walking around with that I felt toxically remorseful over.

There is plenty that has had nothing to do with anyone else that needed to get looked at because awareness through inventory has helped lead to change. As an alcoholic that can watch ego grow back, I find that if I'm not continuing to watch my thoughts and behaviors to see if that selfishness in any of its forms is growing back, I wind up prey to it. Step 4 is full of admissions to myself. The entire inventory is self-based, even if the intention is to lead to the end of selfishness. I'm not sure why having my name in the first column would be considered more self-centered than the rest of the inventory. I just know that it's such a gift, and it works.


* BB quotes 1st ed.

[UpperbucksAAguy]

I was on my 1st 4th step. From there all other resentments started to flow. That is my experience. I am also occasionally on my tenth step and on my annual housecleaning inventory.

Works pretty good for me

[UpperbucksAAguy]

[/QUOTE]stopping thinking and just start doing.[/QUOTE]

This would seem to defy the instructions in our Big Book

We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.

(BB page 63)

[sugarbear1]

I was not on any of my 4th step lists. I was already too self-centered.

[Notabobblehead]

As stated, until we have worked the AA process (steps 4-9) we will remain blocked. Prior to an honest and thorough 4th step we have no idea how selfish, fearful and inconsiderate we are.

If you want to start out putting your name on an inventory list, ok. The problem I see is people stay focused on themselves.

Example:
I have seen/worked with a number of women who have lost custody of their children. Their parent(s) have stepped in. The women will then focus a great deal of time upset with the way their parents are taking care of their child. They will briefly say they caused this but then right back to criticizing their parents. They continue to feel sorry for themselves.

Boy I better do some 10th step work sounds like I have a little resentment